AIBU - apparently I'm the worst mum in the world!!

[tactum]

and the strictest and everything else you can think of!!

DD (just 14) has obv got an iphone which she is very very attached to - apart from homework time, mealtimes and other such stuff. I used to let her leave it on the landing to charge over night - never in her bedroom - which apparently made me the devil incarnate already because NO ONE else's parents EVER restrict their phone usage day or night and everyone else sleeps with their head practically on them. However we have had a couple of occasions where 1 of us has got up early or we have been aware of her moving around early and she has nabbed it - talking pre 6.15 am.

So now my rule is it charges overnight in our bedroom no debate. She goes to bed around 9.45 pm and she can come and retrieve it once she is up and showered dressed etc in the am - usually works out around 7, as she has to leave quite early on the bus.

Apparently I am the worst person in the world for doing this, but when I question why she always just re-iterates that she doesn't normally use it outside of those hours anyway so I'm being mean for not trusting her. My argument is 1. if that's the case what's the problem, 2. why the hell does the first thing she feel the needs to do be to look at a screen.

I'm sure many of you with younger children would be thinking you'd never even let them have a phone that early in the day, but please, just watch this space....

To all of you out there, am AIBU?

I do know how to punctuate, just typing quickly on my phone!

I'm in same boat as you OP. I take DD's phone before bed and charge it in my room and she gets it back when she's up dressed and ready for school. At weekends she can come and get it when she wants. She thinks I'm being unreasonable as EVERYONE else gets to have their phones next to their beds. They probably all don't and I'm happy to stick with that plan for now.

My daughter is 15 and we do exactly the same. She has to take it into our room by 10:30 otherwise she'd really be on it all night. When she's in the right frame of mind she admits she thinks it's the right thing to do and she likes the boundaries on other occasions she huffs and puffs and rolls her eyes and tuts but does it...eventually!

DS14 is constantly on his phone. It's an automatic default. He even takes it to the loo! I insist on screens off at 10pm which he is trusted to charge at the far end of his room overnight. He knows the very first time he's caught sneaking back on it, it will stay downstairs every night from then on. So far so good.
He's doing well at school and does plenty of sport and scouts etc, but some DC just find it very hard to self regulate screens, and I feel this is a reasonable compromise. Left to do as he pleased he'd be on his phone until midnight and a grumpy, tired and unmotivated teenager long term has repercussions for the whole family.

I am really surprised at the wifi off and no screens thing. Don't all children now do homework online? How does that work? Also a bit surprised that parents seem to be going into their 14 year old child's room in the night to "catch them out"....? Does that mean your teenagers also have free range to come into your room at night (eeek?!)?

Don't all children now do homework online?

Not after 10pm and before 6am I would hope.

GCSE students? Not after 10pm? Mine must be a bit slow or something then!!

I have a 12 year old & a 15 year old.

On school nights lights out is 9.30pm. All devices have to be left downstairs to charge at 9pm each night. They are not allowed to be retrieved on school mornings until they are ready for school.

On non school days no one is allowed downstairs (barring emergency) before 6am.

Homework needs to be completed by 9.00pm. No computers allowed in bedrooms.

Ah....mine doesnt get home till after 9 on two nights a week. Normal arrival is 6:30pm. After dinner homework starts. I think we are on a different zone here...

Dd doesn't leave school until 6.30pm each night as she dances from 4-6pm then eats before coming home. She arrives home at spprox 7.30pm, sometimes she does some homework on the journey home but generally does about an hour of homework once she gets home. The rest she saves for weekends (when not rehearsing)

She has to go to bed early as she leaves the house at 7.15am each day.

Mine is definitely slow then. An hour a night would not have got her through her GCSEs.....Yours sounds like a super performer Eliza!

I think it's amazing how having a time limit concentrates your mind & makes you get on with it.

Ds on the other hand has diagnosed slow processing speed so takes longer (& gets extra time in exams) but even for him we set limits as he needs his rest more & would spend endless time huffing, puffing & not achieving much.

An hour a night would not have got her through her GCSEs

I'm not even sure I did that much per night for my degree A levels.

There has been a recent study that concluded that about an hour was the optimal amount of homework for the best results. More had no extra benefit & could indeed be detrimental.

YANBU.

Psychology professor locks his family devices up at 9pm. He is actually pro computer games etc, but the fact is that blue screens affect teenagers sleep (scientific study) even when they are removed at 6pm!

14 is very young still. She's very much still a child, you're the adult, when she's 18 she can make her own choices with regards screens.

Actually I am the worst mum in the world . I agree with not letting her have phone at night - I'm also awful for not allowing my 14 year old out at night etc lol x

YANBU we have a similar rule. We turn our wifi off at 9pm. Kids need to sleep. If they keep the phone on it will be bleeping all night. Maybe have a conversation with her about why she feels she needs to have phone near her all night?

Our kids are too young to have mobiles but we both leave our phones downstairs overnight. We have a charging point in the study so they go there. It makes a massive difference to our sleep to not be using a screen in bed. When our kids have phones we'll simply apply the same rule.

My now 18 year old neice has confessed to my ds that she would often chat to friends until 3am and on occassion if there was some 'drama' be chatting to various friends until 6am!!! DSis had no problem allowing her phone in the bedroom and thought her little darling was asleep. It all explains the constant tiredness and less than stellar GCSE results. Teens need their sleep and can't be trusted to regulate their electronic activity. Phones off by 9pm to charge downstairs. Also maybe I'm old fashioned but I like a bit of family time when we sit and talk, even if it's only about something on the telly, something we can share. I find if I let mine have their phones whenever they want, they barely speak to me and at the end of the day they are still children and not the finished article, so interaction is really important, to our family anyway.

We have to do this. Good parenting.

DD's secondary school have given us explicit instructions that all tech must be out of bedrooms and inaccessible after 9pm.

Otherwise it's just too tempting.

You are not the worst parent ever as, apparently, I'm reminded fairly regularly so it must be true...The reason for this, I suspect, is I do not allow technology in bedroom at night and limit usage on school days... My DS is 12...