AIBU - apparently I'm the worst mum in the world!!

[tactum]

and the strictest and everything else you can think of!!

DD (just 14) has obv got an iphone which she is very very attached to - apart from homework time, mealtimes and other such stuff. I used to let her leave it on the landing to charge over night - never in her bedroom - which apparently made me the devil incarnate already because NO ONE else's parents EVER restrict their phone usage day or night and everyone else sleeps with their head practically on them. However we have had a couple of occasions where 1 of us has got up early or we have been aware of her moving around early and she has nabbed it - talking pre 6.15 am.

So now my rule is it charges overnight in our bedroom no debate. She goes to bed around 9.45 pm and she can come and retrieve it once she is up and showered dressed etc in the am - usually works out around 7, as she has to leave quite early on the bus.

Apparently I am the worst person in the world for doing this, but when I question why she always just re-iterates that she doesn't normally use it outside of those hours anyway so I'm being mean for not trusting her. My argument is 1. if that's the case what's the problem, 2. why the hell does the first thing she feel the needs to do be to look at a screen.

I'm sure many of you with younger children would be thinking you'd never even let them have a phone that early in the day, but please, just watch this space....

To all of you out there, am AIBU?

Do what feels right and stick with it. It's usually the right decision. But never the easy one to enforce.

When my teenager wahhhs at me because I'm laying down laws, I just tell him "Sorry for loving you too much to let you fail your GCSE's"

I have to have phone on charge by bed as I am a supply teacher and cannot risk missing a phone call from the agency before 7am!

As an aside it's worth telling them (our children!) to make sure their security settings are on and to ensure if they post pics on instagram etc from home the location setting is turned off . Op when I posted earlier meant to say I can also be regarded as worst parent in world - but hey sometimes it's good to be the villain if it helps keep them safe😈

Haven't read the whole thread but Lorraine Candy in the Daily Mail has the same problem with her 14 year old daughter......
She recommends buying a puppy to restore harmony 😄

She also wrote an article about it last week giving her reasons for phone removal

I'm afraid Ive skipped most of the posts but I have a 13 and 16 year old and I don't allow either to charge their phones during the night - mostly
From a safety point of view.
Chargers are not designed to be left in all night.

YANBU! Your dd is 14 and needs boundaries. I restricted my dc's mobile use by not letting them have mobiles or computers in their bedrooms until they reached 16. This might seem harsh but as it was always the way they didn’t make a fuss. We had a couple of weeks during a house move when their bedrooms weren’t ready and they had their mobiles to hand all night. They were 14 and 12 and both were receiving messages at 2am, 4am etc from angsty teenage friends. I’m not exaggerating.

My dd is now 17 and has a laptop in her bedroom but unplugs when she goes to bed and chooses to leave her mobile downstairs at night. My ds, 15, still sticks to our rules.
I sometimes work shifts (like tonight) and their mobiles (charging downstairs) are constantly pinging.
In case they sound like weird kids, they really are not. They have lots of friends and are very sociable. They also get enough sleep. My dd says our restrictions taught her to not always be available to chat to her friends any time day or night. My ds thinks he also wont take his mobile to his room when he is 16.
(Incidentally I don't think our approach is so unusual.)

YANBU. Last night I got in bed at 20:30 intending on having an early night (I'm full of a cold, as is ebf 4 month old daughter who for the last 4 nights has been up doing mini feeds every couple of hours as she's too bunged up to feed properly). After checking emails/social media/mumsnet/Black Friday previews, i eventually put my phone down at 21:45, 1hr15 mins later. If it were your daughter doing this every night it it would massively impact on the quality of her sleep. You could always compromise & let your daughter keep her phone at weekends/holidays but IMO you are being a responsible parent by limiting her screen time especially during term time.

I would feel the need to be the example; but I use my phone first thing and last thing, not often in the day, and wouldn't want to give that up. So I think a bit U.

Thanks every one for your replies to my question about fire risk. I will be adjusting our charging rules from now on.

My boys keep their phones downstairs or tablets they nwed a decent nights sleep as they are up at 6.30 for breakfast for school they get dressed then the TV goes on on BBC news or cbbebies as I have a toddler too they only use phones for games anyway so if they haven't got homework they are able to go on however when my 12yr old deems trustworthy I will allow him to start using his phone as a phone too x

YANBU. I really regret not being firmer with my son. He's now 19, and had to take a gap year to regroup after not doing as well in his bac as he was expected to. Now he's finally away at uni, he admits to checking his phone throughout the night. He also recognises that his sleep patterns and concentration skills are quite disrupted as a result. Having said that, I'm as bad, but I'm ancient, and he's not yet gone so far as to accuse me of poor parenting! (though well he might...)

Yanbu, we do the same with our 14yr old dd.
Phone, other devices etc have to be on the shelf in the lounge at around 8:30 so she can have some down time before bed. I've come in from dinner with friends at midnight ish and her phone is still going mad. She has to get up at 6am every week day, there's no way she'd cope with so little sleep!
Holidays and weekends we're a bit more relaxed about it but she doesn't create a fuss about it too much as these have always been the rules.

YANBU definitely not, if you want to stop her playing games on it at various times, homework, dinner bedtime etc you need a great app called KIDSLOX. Is seriously good for ipads and iphones, you can set schedules and allow what apps you want, I have 4 DC with ipads and iphones and then there's mine and DHs too. You can even just shut it down remotely if you at the end of yr tether. Try it. You can't go back and wish you had more boundaries once horse has bolted but you can relax them appropriately.

I hate to be the naysayer here. No phones in bedrooms here (as recommended by NSPCC). I used to allow it but introduced this when I once checked my DD's (aged 14) social media (a condition of being on it is I might spot check it) and found that she had been sending (and receiving) naked/semi naked photos to/from boys she didn't really know. In one message she was laughing about how her little brother was banging on her door.
I know I can't stop everything but no phones in bedrooms protects her from herself to a degree.
If you'd asked me if she was the type to do this or if I had any suspicions the answer would have been no.
So YANBU

seriously thank you for that recommendation. It's something I will definitely get. I have 4 DCs and 3 SDCs so I need something like this!

Try the free OurPact app. You can use this on iPhones and iPads. You can control their internet access. My DD's is scheduled to go off at an age appropriate bedtime and comes on again after breakfast but before leaving for school. We have a separate more relaxed schedule for weekends.

I can also block access outside of schedules if I want. I've explained that this is about them learning to good habits, self-regulating and managing their usage. Not me punishing them.

After a week of this app being in place the message is getting through. We have none of the usual pleading and wheedling at bedtime either.

Thank you for posting that. I think this is a good way forward for me.

YANBU.

My dc (12 & 14) have to our their phones on charge downstairs at 8.30pm. I then unplug chargers when I go to bed around midnight. They aren't allowed them in the morning until they're dressed and fed.

alright. Put not our. Bloody autocorrect!