Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Page boys' parents won't let them wear their outfits (that I picked)... AIBU to think it's ridiculous?

318 replies

GabsViolet · 21/11/2016 11:05

I have 2 best friends, who are like my sisters, and I'm really close to their little boys. I wanted them to be page boys - my friends were really happy about this. Now they don't want them to be, due to the outfits... They 'came to a joint agreement' whatever that means...

I'm really hurt - I also think it's a bit ridiculous!

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
HolidayHunterTeam · 21/11/2016 13:27

That's a lovely outfit. Perhaps the boys don't want to wear it though. Tather than the parents not allowing them. X

Manumission · 21/11/2016 13:27

I wore the most revolting dress for my sister's wedding - baby pink, diamanté, the lot. I did it without complaint because she is my sister and I love her.

Yes, I've twice worn complete monstrosities (for love of Dsis and BF), BUT I was pretty confident that I wouldn't throw a tantrum in the nave and rip it off. So there's the difference.

TheAntiBoop · 21/11/2016 13:27

How old are the boys?

Joinourclub · 21/11/2016 13:27

They look like pretty typical outfits to me and exactly what I would expect if I had said yes to my son being a Paige boy. However if I was asked I'd probably say right at the start that I doubt I could get my 3 year old into a waistcoat and suit. He'd have no problem with pink, he doesn't realise it's 'supposed to be for girls' , but he does like to be comfortable. I have enough trouble persuading him to wear a coat when it rains, there's no way he'd wear a waistcoat and cravat! I can see why you are offended, but they are little people, not props for your wedding and it would have been courteous to have asked before going ahead and buying the outfits.

Manumission · 21/11/2016 13:28

Woah calm down dragons. It read like you were discounting the child refusal possibility.

Trifleorbust · 21/11/2016 13:29

Manumission: But they haven't said the boys have refused to wear pink. They have said they don't like the outfits. And frankly, if the boys are that spoiled that they are going to do that because they don't like the colour of an outfit they will have been shown and tried on by the big day, they have no business being in the wedding party anyway.

GettingitwrongHauntingatnight · 21/11/2016 13:31

Is it because its pink? Hmm Your friends are weirdis.

DotForShort · 21/11/2016 13:32

Your friends are being quite ridiculous IMO. They should follow through on their commitment even if the suits are (for whatever reason) not to their liking. Refusing to allow their sons to participate after initially agreeing, based on some flimsy excuse, is rude and not the act of a good friend.

If their objection has to do with the pink waistcoat, that is even more ridiculous. What is the harm in allowing their boys to wear (shock!) pink?

MuseumOfCurry · 21/11/2016 13:32

We don't know that it's because they're pink. OP, any more info on this to share here?

This is beginning to feel like a merry-go-round.

Freshprincess · 21/11/2016 13:34

My DS has had issues with clothes since he's been old enough to object. He would have screamed the place down if I tried to get a shirt and tie on him at that age. no amount of bribery and reasoning would have worked so I would have declined your offer.

NotWeavingButDarning · 21/11/2016 13:36

Your 'friends' are being hideous, talking behind your back and forcing you into a corner, whatever the reason.

Agree that NO WAY should you try and negotiate with them, just sack the pageboys and either ask someone else or do without them.

Manumission · 21/11/2016 13:37

Manumission: But they haven't said the boys have refused to wear pink. They have said they don't like the outfits. And frankly, if the boys are that spoiled that they are going to do that because they don't like the colour of an outfit they will have been shown and tried on by the big day, they have no business being in the wedding party anyway.

It would help if OP came back to give more clues. But embarassed people might phrase that way maybe?

We never really had the boys' things/ girls' things nonsense but normally biddable DD1 spent YrR believing God was spying on her from a cloud, illness could be cured by fervent prayer and that atheist relatives were going to hell thanks to a batshit evangelical teacher. That caused a few stubborn moments. Small DC worry about stuff they're told beyond the home by unhelpful people. it's not really a matter of spoilt.

SirNiallDementia · 21/11/2016 13:38

I'm in 2 minds about this one, my head says it's your wedding so you get to choose the bridal party outfits however as the parent of a 4 year old who has epic meltdowns over clothes that are not 100% comfortable I can see how a 4 year old might react to wearing a formal suit on a hot day!

However I do think you should have involved your friends in choosing something for their kids to wear so you could have picked something everyone is happy with.

When my sister got married she showed me the groom, best man and bridesmaids outfits and asked me to look for something that went with that. We ended up with a Monsoon outfit of shorts, shirt and jacket with no tie, all nice and cool and comfy.

TataEs · 21/11/2016 13:39

i would go with

'oh it's such a shame they won't be able to take part, never mind they probably wouldn't have much fun anyway'

return the outfits and distance yourself from them.

proper friends would give you a proper reason, not talk about it behind your back like they have. i wouldn't waste too much thought on it.

MrsDesireeCarthorse · 21/11/2016 13:40

It doesn't matter why they don't like the outfits though, does it? As a previous poster said, this isn't about pink waistcoats. It's the fact that, rather than explain anything, her two best friends just 'came to a joint agreement' behind her back to have their sons not be pageboys then announced it to her. That's so mean.

OP, I'd ask them what's wrong with the outfits. And then, once I had a reason, I'd ask them why they didn't just tell me that at the start. And then I'd probably just say 'never mind, they'll have fun as guests', and try for a refund on the PB outfits while not hiding what happened from anyone who asked.

Hippee · 21/11/2016 13:41

But surely all the people who are saying "my child refuses to wear things he doesn't like" etc. would have mentioned this to the bride after agreeing for sons to be pageboys - before she bought the outfits. It seems a bit late in the day now.

viques · 21/11/2016 13:41

I think the suits are lovely for a wedding, but for an older boy, say 10 up. For little page boys I think a pair of smart trousers and a simple shirt, maybe a bow tie in your wedding colour, but definitely not a standard tie, would be more comfortable, easier to wrangle them into and would survive the day best.

I think sailor suits look amazingly cute......... But you need very amenable parents and children!

Trifleorbust · 21/11/2016 13:42

Manumission: Fair enough - I had a few flights of fancy myself at that age. But if I had told my mum I wanted to be pulled down the aisle by rainbow stripes unicorns while I rode a magic carpet and wore Queen Elizabeth I's coronation gown, she would have told me to jog on and do as I was told! The boys need to either wear what they are asked or step down. I strongly suspect it has nothing to do with them and everything to do with the two 'friends'.

Damselindestress · 21/11/2016 13:43

They don't sound like good friends to make a fuss about something so petty when you have tried to include their children in your wedding. Wedding planning is stressful enough without stuff like this. I wouldn't negotiate with them to be honest, if that's what they wanted they could've diplomatically suggested a different colour or style, instead they talked about it behind your back and both decided not to let their children be pageboys. I would take them at their word and not involve them any more.

eurochick · 21/11/2016 13:45

Say that's fine and don't bother with pageboys or ask someone else. The friends are being silly so just leave them to it.

ShowMeTheElf · 21/11/2016 13:46

OP: did you pick the outfits and ask them to buy them, or did you ask for sizes so that you could buy the outfits yourself?

Manumission · 21/11/2016 13:47

Pfft. I just think there are a lot of 'Pink is for girls' thinkers out there and only a few million MNers arguing the other way Grin

So if these boys have been socialised by macho peers (or dads), it's not really their fault. Or their mums'.

FlyingElbows · 21/11/2016 13:49

One of my enduring childhood horror memories is a pink Laugh Ashley bridesmaid's dress I suffered the injustice of wearing when I was about 7! Anyway, your friends have been very rude. I wouldn't enter in to negotiations and I'd just thank them for telling you and move on. A bloke up the road from us got married a couple of months ago in a pink kilt and a pink jacket (your friends would combust!) He looked fabulous and so did his collection of men in suits and pink waistcoats and the little boy in a pink kilt. The pink may have been a very pink "heather" colour but it to the untrained eye it was pink. If you want pink then you have pink and people either suck it up or decline to be part of the show.

GashleyCrumbTiny · 21/11/2016 13:49

But if the kids don't like the clothes then the friends should just say: "Terribly sorry but little Timmy is throwing a wobbler about the pink/tie/shoes/whatever and we're worried he'll spoil your day by making such a fuss so we need to pull out". And thus the problem is solved via simple communication. They're being dicks by being so cryptic, even if there is a good reason - which the obfuscation suggests there isn't.

CocoLoco87 · 21/11/2016 13:52

Don't have them as page boys! What a ridiculous fuss they are making. It's your day!
They don't have to keep the outfits on once photos have been taken so surely they can last for a couple of hours in pink and not catch the gay