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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Page boys' parents won't let them wear their outfits (that I picked)... AIBU to think it's ridiculous?

318 replies

GabsViolet · 21/11/2016 11:05

I have 2 best friends, who are like my sisters, and I'm really close to their little boys. I wanted them to be page boys - my friends were really happy about this. Now they don't want them to be, due to the outfits... They 'came to a joint agreement' whatever that means...

I'm really hurt - I also think it's a bit ridiculous!

OP posts:
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MuseumOfCurry · 21/11/2016 12:52

I don´t really understand why you wouldn´t involve the mothers (or the boys if they are old enough) in a discussion about the choice of outfits before settling on the final decision.

I kind of agree with this. That said, I think the friends have behaved terribly even in the absence of consultation.

PinkiePiesCupcakes · 21/11/2016 12:53

either they're not the real outfits, the op posted them because theyre normal and the ones shes actually bought are horrific, or OPs friends are idiots. I cant decide.

I think wasting time posting here is fruitless, questions should be askled of the "Friends"

grannytomine · 21/11/2016 12:54

Maybe my GSs are unusual, they are happy to wear pink t shirts/shirts. Their parents do encourage them to think for themselves and not worry what other kids think.

Bluntness100 · 21/11/2016 12:54

I'm also curious if there is a back story here. I would guess they are using the clothes as an excuse because that's fairly standard clothing. Have you been a bit bridezilla ish? What do uou expect the kids to do?

The fact both have said no, would indicate to me they don't want to hurt your feelings so are using the clothes as an excuse but there is something else going on here.

CartwheelGirl · 21/11/2016 12:54

Wow I had no idea that pageboys are expected to wear something chosen by the bride, without as much as a discussion. I think 3-4y old is generally too young for wearing formal clothes, but if they must, then I would prefer to buy the clothes myself, so that I know that they are a good fit, comfortable and won't result in a tantrum about the colour or the itchy material etc.

GloriousGoosebumps · 21/11/2016 12:57

Your two best friends, who are just like your sisters, could simply tell you what the problem is but have decided to play silly buggers instead. Don't bite, just tell them that you're still not sure what the problem is but wouldn't want their son's to be unhappy so perhaps it's better if they're not page boys. Then go and find new page boys / bridesmaids. As for your best friends, it's a rare mum who wouldn't want their precious child to be (almost) centre stage at a wedding so they are biting off their noses to spite their faces...

onedayimightforget · 21/11/2016 12:57

Do you even want them as page boys now if your friends have been so rude and gone about this is such a crap way? You definitely shouldn't be "negotiating" with them. It's your wedding day, if they don't want to be involved choose someone who does or save yourself the money.

AmyInTheBoonies · 21/11/2016 12:58

The outfits are fine and so non descrip that I actually think I'd just say ok don't be page boys.

It's very bizarre if there is no backstory to this.

You could ask why, but if it's the pink it's just ridiculous. If they imagined something really different it's not their call to choose as it's your wedding.

MidnightAura · 21/11/2016 13:01

I think the suits are lovely.

You definitely need to find out why the suits won't suit their children. What did they expect them to wear?

People are weird with weddings. At my wedding my flower girls Mum didn't like her daughters dress. (I did and her daughter did) and she tried to dictate what colour the flower girl would wear.

MuseumOfCurry · 21/11/2016 13:01

Maybe my GSs are unusual, they are happy to wear pink t shirts/shirts. Their parents do encourage them to think for themselves and not worry what other kids think.

Amazing. Wink

CartwheelGirl · 21/11/2016 13:02

I promise they all look lovely!

They don't look lovely to me. Sorry. My son would look like a doll in this, and I quite like him as a human being. So does he.

Manumission · 21/11/2016 13:07

I've certainly known 4 year old boys who would be very upset to be given something pink to wear. Or plain refuse.

Isn't it easier to negotiate than to have a whole thread of beside the point "catch the gay" type comments bolstering your resolve to dig your heels in ?

UterusUterusGhali · 21/11/2016 13:07

I was hoping for this.
What you've linked to is fine!

Your friends are being ridiculous. Un-pageboy them.

Page boys' parents won't let them wear their outfits (that I picked)... AIBU to think it's ridiculous?
teaandakitkat · 21/11/2016 13:11

You must be really hurt and confused about your friends' reactions, I would be. Hopefully you can talk calmly to them about it in a few days and maybe find out exactly what they are objecting to.

I would have loved my boys dressed up like that at 3 and 4. They would be super cute. I would probably just make them wear it for the ceremony and the photos then take some joggers and a tshirt for the rest of the time so that if they were not comfy they could change.

Pink wouldn't bother me, I can't think it would bother my 4 yr old now. Would I make him wear it if he said he didn't want to- yes, for a wedding I probably would. Once he saw everyone was the same he would be fine. And if not I would bribe him with pokemon cards.

TrickyD · 21/11/2016 13:16

According to your link, the suit comes with a wastcoat with everything in the same colour. Do you think your friends could cope with just a pink tie/cravat? The pageboys would then follow the theme.

Maybe though friends just dislike small chidren dressed as adults and I agree.

GasLightShining · 21/11/2016 13:17

Perhaps they are upset that the outfit aren't naff enough? Maybe they think that the outfit should involve Peter Pan collars, sailor suits or knickerbockers

Foxysoxy01 · 21/11/2016 13:17

There is nothing at all wrong with your outfits! I think they are lovely.

I really think it must be something more going on.

Please don't negotiate with them that's just crazy! They are being crap friends and very weird.

You really need to speak to them and find out what the real problem is.

I would either find some new page boys or not have any at all and would be speaking to friends, dependant on that conversation I might distance myself from the friendship TBH.

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/11/2016 13:18

Sound like a couple of mumzillas.

Really good friends wouldn't say this. Really good friends would dress their kids in what you want and smile. The only reason for them to ask you to modify the outfit would be if the little boys refused to wear them. Which they may well do now. I'd talk to them and see if you can reach a compromise. I don't think it will matter too much on a grand scale and aesthetics if their waistcoats are different colours. Maybe go for light blue or ivory?

Or you could just tell them no outifit, no pageboy. It's your wedding after all. How much do you really value the friendship of these mumzillas?

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/11/2016 13:20

UterusUterus

I think I've seen these outfits before. Possibly from interview with a vampire?

Manumission · 21/11/2016 13:20

Really good friends wouldn't say this. Really good friends would dress their kids in what you want and smile

Even if they knew said DC were going through a nursery-influenced "that's a girls' colour" phase and were likely to kick off on their friend's wedding day? Confused

PhilODox · 21/11/2016 13:20

Do the boys have red hair, maybe? Pink can look terrible with red hair (my poor best friend - long red hair, bridesmaid about a dozen times, the bride always chose pink !)

ohtheholidays · 21/11/2016 13:23

The outfits look lovely your so called friends are being arseholes!

I'd send the outfits back get the money back and then tell them not to worry about coming to the wedding.

I've been a Bridesmaid 4 times and a Matron of honor as well I wore what the bride asked me to and when I got married and had bridesmaids and paige boys they wore what I had chosen and paid for for them and our yongest was 2 years old at the time.

Trifleorbust · 21/11/2016 13:25

I wore the most revolting dress for my sister's wedding - baby pink, diamanté, the lot. I did it without complaint because she is my sister and I love her. There may be something not to their taste about the outfits but it is not good enough to say 'they don't suit our DC' and drop out Hmm If you really don't like it and are prepared to be so rude, then ask for a change as a huge favour. Just don't be surprised when the people paying say no!

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/11/2016 13:25

Manumission

I went on to explain that exact point. What do you think The only reason for them to ask you to modify the outfit would be if the little boys refused to wear them. means? The wilful glee of some posters to find fault with what others say is staggering. Confused

ByAllMeansMoveAtAGlacialPace · 21/11/2016 13:26

There really is nothing wrong with the outfits and they don't really have a leg to stand on if you're paying. I wouldn't even try to compromise, just don't bother having the boys as page boys. It's a slippery slope if you start backing down from what you want at this stage of the wedding.