To wonder why so many people are nasty and thoughtless

[FlowerOfTheValley]

Some of the threads on here today where an OP posting for support in a distressing situation is getting abuse reflecting treatment they received in real life.

We are supposed to be a civilised society. I just don't get it. Why? What does kicking someone when they are down achieve. Where is the compassion.

I don't go on a thread to slag someone off in a sensitive situation. If I can't be of support then I won't post.

I might think somebody is wrong or horrid, both on MN and in real life, but what does it achieve to give them a further kicking.

There are lots of people for whom a few kind words or care would make their day yet there are so many people who would rather be nasty instead.

Is being supportive of somebody upset or vulnerable really so hard?

[Jinglebellsandv0dka]

Some folk are on here just to be professionally offended or nasty though. I just think they must be very sad or angry at home.

[NicknameUsed]

I think some threads are started by people in situations that they think are normal and then it gets pointed out that it is not only not normal, but very unreasonable. This sometimes gets taken the wrong way.

Also, most of us probably haven't walked in that person's shoes so we tend to see things in a more black and white way. So in cases of domestic abuse, for example, most of us just would think "I'm not putting up with that" and advise the poster to leave their partner without being able to understand the bigger picture.

[FlowerOfTheValley]

Livia it's not just one thread and I'm talking in real life as well as on MN.

Heartbroken sorry you were upset, I hope you're okay

Navy I've seen plenty of nasty responses in Relationships too, not just in AIBU.

I can be blunt and straight talking but there's a time and a place and it's not on to somebody upset or vulnerable.

[Sneakynamechage]

I take my comment back, there is currently an OP over at relationships getting ripped apart.

[WorraLiberty]

I think for every nasty post I read on MN, I probably read at least 15 or 20 non nasty posts.

Probably even more.

I think it's too easy to focus on the nasty stuff and forget the nice stuff that's on here every day.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

On MN and RL, A lot of people are cunts. Fact of life -not a pleasant one, but it's just how it is.

These threads appear every week or so and solve nothing. I wonder what sort of gentle lives people live that they are surprised that strangers on the internet may be less than totally pleasant.

[LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726]

I know which thread you're talking about Flower, or I think I do. Yes, there are some posters on there spouting some nasty and insensitive things on a subject which anybody might guess is a bit sensitive. Plenty of posters on there are posting in support of the OP.

AIBU isn't a mean board. Any board on MN which gets the volume of traffic that AIBU does means that there's more risk, that's all. Relationships isn't much better and it does depend which sort of thread you post on 'Chat' as well.

We could all be a bit kinder and more open-looking in our posts, I agree with that. I have to say though that even the more brutal posters can be kind if the thread resonates with them, I've seen it.

[GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER]

Some people just enjoy having a safe, anonymous go at other people on forums.
I think it's an occupational hazard. I bet some of them wouldn't say boo to a goose in real life. Or else they're just naturally arsey and confrontational all the time.

[StomaSavedMyLife]

Well I certainly think we need a bowel health awareness drive!

[FlowerOfTheValley]

Alexa "claiming sainthood" yeah right! Simple question - why is it necessary to be nasty?

Navy that is my point. I see threads where I think the OP is in the wrong but if they're clearly vulnerable I won't post to have a go at them.

Worra gosh yes there are plenty of great, supportive threads which way outnumber the nasty ones. But I understand posting in support but not to tear somebody apart particularly when they are upset. That is what I don't get.

[PayingForward]

YANBU.

And YY to robust debate and differents POVs, but also YY to there is sometimes just sheer utter nastiness (and not even pretending in any way to respond to the OP or whatever their issue/question is) - just someone who wants to have a pop for the sake of it. It's vile IMHO and it does seem to be much more prevalent now than it used to be.

[FlowerOfTheValley]

Lying yes some of the more robust posters can be very supportive, have seen it many times. But what does being nasty achieve? For the OP or the nasty poster.

Livia I don't lead a sheltered life and I've done plenty of things I regret. But I draw the line at being deliberately nasty to someone and I don't understand the thought process of anyone who gets off on doing that.

[SilverBirchWithout]

I think the trouble with forums and Facebook groups is there are a few people who post for sympathy and to receive comments like "so sorry Hun, hugs and love" etc.

This is fine up to a point, but sometimes other people can feel the poster needs to get a grip, being sympathetic and kind is a good thing usually, however feeding someone's perpetual need for pity is not useful or helpful when they need to take control of their own emotional neediness.

I find MN refreshing straight-talking in comparison with some sachrine (& usually insincere) FB groups and other forums.

[Ilovehedgehogs]

I have been musing this recently, I suppose it's a mixture of misunderstandings, things written down with the intent hard to get across and just plain nasty people.

We all see things differently, someone was repeatedly complaining about me being aggressive to her a few weeks ago, moaning on other threads and throwing her hands up in horror (under my old name)

I genuinely felt that she was the aggressor and I was defending myself. Whether she really thought that or was just trying to cause further trouble I don't know.

There is no need for such mean spirited responses on some threads though.

[EveOnline2016]

I agree the post last night about someone who suffered domestic abuse the posters was harsh asking where is the baby even though the op said the baby wasn't here no more.

[FlowerOfTheValley]

Silver yes MN is refreshing and I think straight talking posts can be more helpful than just sympathy and flowers. So no issue with get a grip, LTB etc. But nastiness for the sake of it is entirely different.

[GahBuggerit]

theres a thread atm that started off fairly pleasant with some great responses but, imo, i suspect its been carefully designed to push buttons, NOT a troll i dont think, but someone being deliberately hard work just to pass a bit of time perhaps, so understandably people are getting frustrated.

[Beebeautiful]

Flower I could have posted this myself, in fact I was just talking to DH about the very same. If I haven't got anything worthwhile or helpful to say then I don't post at all.

We came to the conclusion that there are some very angry people on the world that actively look for an argument or to cause upset for someone else to make themselves feel slightly better. It's very odd.
I've tried to reason with some nasty posters before but you just can't, it's like they are of a complete opposite mindset.

I once asked a very innocent question about food and it turned into actual bullying, it was awful and put me off posting on here for a while.
Now I just try and ignore the nasties as replying to them tends to spur them on even more.

[Esmereldada]

Flower I hear you. What does being brusque and unkind achieve, really?
It's not more sophisticated, worldly nor clever.
Just makes a shit world a little more shit.
And fwiw I can be VILE when I try! Just choose not to.

[randomer]

I guess this place is OK for a quick scan of ideas/opinions/ suggestions. For very revealing, personal stuff it isnt safe. A close friend or a professional would be a better place to go.

[Ginkypig]

Eve that is exactly what jumped into my head when I read this one.

It was really bad wasn't it.
That poor woman has gone through hell by the sounds of it and some posters obviously just wanted lurid details.

[LiviaDrusillaAugusta]

It's like anything else though - it's not compulsory to be on here.

I don't know what these sort of threads achieve though. They are regular features and either turn into people trying to show that they are competitively lovely or being accused of being 'mean'.