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Original poster

I appear to have been kon maried by my brother...

164 replies

frogsgoladidadidah · 20/11/2016 02:50

We are rarely in contact other than to wish each other a happy birthday. I live 1,000 miles away. He has done this to all members of our family now except our other sister.

I feel like slapping him around the chops with a wet fish!

I appear to have been kon maried by my brother...
I appear to have been kon maried by my brother...
OP posts:
user1479495984 · 20/11/2016 09:49

Am I the only one who can only see the hatchimals message and no grey one!?

user1479495984 · 20/11/2016 09:49

Ffs. Ignore that. I kept trying to scroll down...

CocktailQueen · 20/11/2016 09:50

They grey message is smaller and underneath the big blue one. Click on it to enlarge it.

Op, I'm really sorry. Text back, did you mean to send this to me? And talk to your parents about it.

user1479495984 · 20/11/2016 09:50

Have read now, hate people like this and can sympathise. He needs to get over himself.

Blatherskite · 20/11/2016 09:58

I had a 'friend' like this.

One minute all was fine, the next she was ghosting me and when she finally deigned to give me a response, it was all 'obviously; my fault fir various imagined crimes which basically amounted to not respecting her and only being her friend because of her 'contacts'. I was untrustworthy and could no longer be in her friendship circle. I was not allowed to talk to anyone about it. I think she wanted me to loose a voluntary position over it at an event we both work at. I think she still does.

In was all totally out of the blue and really upset me. Tipped me back into another quite serious depressive episode in fact and I've had to seek out more therapy. It's quite reassuring to know that it's not just her. Sorry you're going through this Op.

SuperFlyHigh · 20/11/2016 10:10

Very strange message.

I will say that a few years ago when I had bad PMS and an undiagnosed thyroid condition which caused huge mood swings sometimes I'd go mental on my brother... And type similar to this.... Not quite as extreme but I liked I think the control. After a while it got boring as I didn't really mean it and it upset him. So now if I do (I don't!) do it... Then he ignores me! But also for the past 2-3 years my thyroid is controlled and I have hardly any mood swings and feel so much better and ashamed at some of the stuff I sent!

Probably is wife doing this but don't discount his feelings, also as Note says maybe he got tired of it being an obligation to keep in touch certain times of the year and just thought it wasn't worth it. His loss.

Could you try to arrange to meet and talk if you want to salvage this situation?

Time4adrink · 20/11/2016 10:12

Just in case (fake text, MH problem, SIL, alcohol, not meant for you, cult), I'd give it one last chance, and also give yourself a chance to be clear about your boundaries op.

'Dear brother, I was really shocked by your text message and hope you are ok. If you truly feel that way about me, it's a shame we can't talk about it as I would like to stay in contact with you and your family. I will still send cards/gifts to my niece/nephew on their birthdays/Christmas etc and I hope you will pass them on. To be clear, I will also continue to discuss anything I like with anyone I feel like. With love/best wishes/etc'

MrsHathaway · 20/11/2016 10:12

The timing is striking for me only because HuffPost published an article yesterday claiming that if you want to see less of someone (they were talking about friends) you should explicitly tell them it's over, like a relationship breakup, rather than just fading out or ghosting.

Maybe he read it and got the wrong end of the stick.

Either way, wanker thing to do and I do hope you'll be more forgiving of his cockups if/when he gets over himself in the future, than he is being of you now.

BakeOffBiscuits · 20/11/2016 10:21

Id definelty text him back asking if it was meant for you. It's so strange a reply that I'd just have to make sure it was from him. it's probably written by his wife

W8woman · 20/11/2016 10:34

I think your brother is not very well and in your place I would be very worried about him.

A friend of mine did this - actively distanced himself from friends and family. He killed himself some months later. His messages (which we'd also dismissed as drama queen antics) turned out to be a plea for help. Our little group of mates live with the guilt and sorrow every day.

Starting this thread for the enjoyment of strangers on the internet, and expecting repayment for a token value present for your nieces/nephews doesn't reflect positively on you.

Pollyanna9 · 20/11/2016 10:35

Ignore, ignore, ignore.

MrsHathaway · 20/11/2016 10:36

"Token value present"?

They're sixty quid.

DramaInPyjamas · 20/11/2016 10:43

*W8Woman
*
The OP says He cut off and last spoke to his parents 7 years ago, so at least 7 years of this behaviour.. if he was going to do anything unfortunate, he would have surely done it by now.

MrsHam13 · 20/11/2016 10:47

The reason I think it could be the wife is gone 'do not tell anyone we know about this' as if she wouldn't want anyone to know and to question him about it, because he doesn't know and it was actually her.

Although it could be him and he doesn't want you to tell anyone as he will then, rightly, have it reflect badly on him.

MrsHam13 · 20/11/2016 10:50

W8Woman, with all due respect, I think you are projecting. The op didn't post for our enjoyment she is obviously perplexed and upset seeing she hardly slept. It doesn't reflect badly on her at all. You are the only person so far to of said that.

c3pu · 20/11/2016 10:55

And now you wanna pretend that you're a superstar
And now you want us to end what's taken you this far
Don't tell me that your done as far as we go
You need to have a sit down with your ego…

OutragedKoala · 20/11/2016 11:00

I'd text him back and ask if he's ok, sounds like he's stressed out

WorraLiberty · 20/11/2016 11:01

That's too weird OP.

I wonder if he's joined some sort of cult?

paxillin · 20/11/2016 11:03

I'd probably wonder if he's been drinking. MrsHathaway points out an article about friend dumping. Reading something weird, speaking to his wife who isn't keen on his family, add a bit of alcohol and you might get hystical antics like this?

sadie9 · 20/11/2016 11:04

I have a close relative who sends texts and emails like this. One day I am blamed for everything since eating their crisps when we were aged 7 to disagreeing with an idea they had in 2001. I get a flurry of abusive emails calling me all sorts and threatening me with dire warnings about the sort of person I am.
Then a month later I might get a perfectly ordinary email signed off with love xxx , seemingly unaware that they accused me of ruining their whole life a short while back. Then two years later, the anger will come back and focus on me (or another family member) again. And you can say nothing back to them in your own defense, as that only seems to distress them more.
These people are out there. They have troubled personalities, but not enough to seek help. Just enough to lose them their jobs, their relationships etc. and lose their family members too, unfortunately.
They often can become involved in spiritual organisations or religions, or spiritual gurus and back to various organisations trying to 'find themselves' and lose their family and friends on the way. But they seem to be trying to replace their family with another organisation. All you can do is try not to take it personally, which is hard, as the person you used to know and love disappears and someone else seems to take their place.

Kewcumber · 20/11/2016 11:05

I have a brother like this (who didn't even manage to send a text just dropped us) who actually had a much closer relationship than you had with yours. Dickwad brothers are fashionable it seems - all the best people have them.

DS (who was 7 at the time) was mighty confused and hurt about why his uncle didn't want to see him anymore (prick - don't think I will ever forgive him for that). I have explained to him that you can't make people behave the way you want them to and it isn't always easy to understand why people do things, the only thing you can do is be prepared to keep the door open if they change their mind over my dead body

Kewcumber · 20/11/2016 11:06

They have troubled personalities, but not enough to seek help. Just enough to lose them their jobs, their relationships etc. and lose their family members too, unfortunately.

Oh yes indeedy.

Kewcumber · 20/11/2016 11:07

But they seem to be trying to replace their family with another organisation.

My brother is a serial self-help grouper until he falls out with them, then he finds another one.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 20/11/2016 11:08

I don't think Kon Marie is the correct term for dumping your relatives.
Or being a twat

MadJeffBarn · 20/11/2016 11:12

My dh uncle is like this... he's had a long standing feud with dmil, when they had an argument he linked us all into a Facebook conversation, some werent even aware of what was going on. He even included his 73 year old mother, and told us he couldn't have us in his life anymore because he couldn't take the fighting (which most was caused by him). Everyone just laughed as he's prone to bouts of drama

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