Hmm you say he is hen pecked. My dbro is too. I once received a rather nasty message. I called him and asked him 'what the fuck is wrong for you?'
Oddly the message wasn't on his phone. So I sent a screen shot. He claims he doesn't know who sent it. We all know his wife did but she keeps denying it and he can't prove it. She has made several attempts to cut off our family from him. For a while he seemed to be on board with it and was a twat.
The something happened, I don't know what, and he went to mum and dad for a few days. he went back to his wife but things changed and he starting trying to stop her digs and nasty comments. But this is when she started doing things like this.
He is in a no win situation. She is sahp, he doesn't earn a lot. If he leaves he will have to move home to be able to afford paying a decent amount to the kids (which he would) and she always says she will move with the kids back to her parents 2 hours away. Being away from the kids would break him.
So at the moment is he trying to slowly manage the situation. In all honesty it seems to working. She has been far more pleasant in recent months. He wants his marriage to work.
Sorry a long post and the point is that I didn't cut him off. I knew what was going on and tbh I felt it was abusive. I always kept the door open and challenged things head on. After 5 years I am glad I did. He is my brother, I love him and I wasn't going to turn my back.
Not saying that you shouldn't cut contact as well, just saying that sometimes it's not the best thing to do.