To be annoyed that mother-in-law is doing my kids' Christmas stocking?

[Nickname1980]

Ok first world problem.

This is really bugging me and I think I am being unreasonable but I can't help it!

Anyway. I made my DCs' Christmas stockings this year, a bad knit job, but I'm proud of them as I can't make anything much. Anyway, yesterday, MIL says "oh I found my kids' old stockings! So I'm going to fill them up for your children on Christmas Day. You can hang them at the end of their beds in the morning" blah blah blah.

Immediately I replied "oh thank you" because I was surprised and I am basically a people pleaser and didn't want to say no.

She then said it would bring so much joy to her and her mother (their great granny) to do that together, that they've already started buying the gifts.

Then I told her that I'd already knitted the kids' stockings because I really don't want her to take over. She replied "oh well, these are heirlooms!"

Am I being mean that I don't want her to do their stockings? That she had her chance to do it when her kids were little and that it's my turn now?

She does a lot for us, and tries really hard, and utterly dotes on my DC. Am I just being totally selfish and should I let her do this?

I know. Total first world problems. I wonder if I should just feel lucky that she wants to be so involved?!? But I just feel a bit annoyed that she's trying to take over.

Yeah it's your turn. I had to have the same talk with my mil saying Christmas was at our house now as we don't want to take ds out on xmas morning and that we would have lunch here etc. I basically said that's what you did with your children and now it's our turn to have xmas in our home. I think they find it hard to let go of that mother role of doing things and want to hold onto the magic. But it's your turn now

I detest that phrase "its your turn"

I think your MIL is incredibly generous. I'd be very happy to have a MIL who wanted to do that for my children. You are totally being unreasonable. If you want to do them a stocking do them one and tell them the MIL ones are from her.

Just to say I can't believe the posts from people who have basically told their MIL to do one.

If your MIL wants to be in your lives and do nice things be fucking grateful.

My mum hangs stockings for my kids too. AT HER HOUSE. Just explain that they'll be suspicious if Santa delivers two stockings each because of course you'll be hanging the ones you've made for them too.

bruffin in my post yes, absolutely but I wanted to pick up on another posters point about working together, how it works both ways, this is very true, and very hard when some of us are dealing with what I described. Of course the usual suspects wont bother about that and carry on regardless on every.single.mil. thread.

I honestly don't understand why people are getting so ariated about this- the solution is simple and lots of people have said it. But as it involves being reasonable and kind and making sure everyone (including the OP) it's being largely ignored.

"How lovely! We'll use the ones I made for Christmas morning here, then when we come to your house Father Christmas will have been there too. They will be so impressed that he knows where Granny lives! And you'll have the fun of seeing them being opened. Can we make sure that your mum's there too when we come?"

If she objects- then it might have to be hard ball time. But I bet you a million dollars she won't.

Omg! Absolutely no fucking way! They had their turn! I would go ape shit if someone else did a stocking! Stockings are from Father Christmas, the only people that get to be Father Christmas to their children are the parents (and actual Father Christmas!) if she wants to get them loads of shit she can wrap it up and put from granny on the label! Fml! In-laws! Ergh!

That probably would have got my back up if it meant so much to me. My MIL used to spoil them ridiculous at Christmas they'd have a sackfull of presents each. She used to sneak them things they weren't allowed, fizzy drinks etc. Really wound me up. Now that she's no longer with us I realise that was her way. It meant just as much to her as it did to me to see those smiles. Nannies are there to spoil. If you thought it was personal then no yanbu. But i doubt it is so Lighten up and let them have 2 stockings.

Perfect. Agree with BertrandRussell. Have both and let the children enjoy that. One at one house and one at the other works, but if that is not practical, then different parts of the house. I used to get very upset over things like this, but this year I lost my Dad and two years ago my Mum, and if I hadn the time again I would say: thank you to all kindness offered. She will mean well, even if she is being a little insensitive, and if you can try to think differently about it it won't be an issue and you'll feel happier. Presents are opened so quickly and really the joy is in the giving and she wants to feel that too. She's probably lonely and misses having her children, and needs to do something. I do truly understand your pain. I too felt that on many an occasion when my children were tiny. But really, Christmas is for love and for fun. Your children will love it whatever you do.

Do them both. I understand your frustration and disappointment but my dmil died last year and I can really see that things like this need to be brushed aside ...just not worth it my dear .

No she has had her turn your turn now.My Mother in law did this then didn't wrap the gifts and generally the children Sussex that the gifts were from her anyway, as we didn't often see them Christmas Day wasn't really a problem as had them on Boxing Day.

Sussed not Sussex!

Then why would "overshadowing of lesser presents from parents who perhaps don't have the disposable income that their parents do" be an issue?

Because the children would not learn to enjoy the things that their parents can afford to give them. As a rule, that's unwise. And yes, it's a parents right and responsibility to feed, clothe and shelter their children, and also to make those dreams that are possible within the context of the family home come true. It can be difficult if grandparents sweep in with a blackberry or a pony when what parents can afford is a basic phone or a hamster - difficult and unhelpful for both child and parents unless of course it has been agreed that this would be best for the child on this occasion.

Am I the only person who thinks only a very stupid child would think Father Christmas had been twice, rather than Nana wanted to fill a stocking?

It would take my five year old three seconds.

Maybe the posters who think this is a good idea don't have precocious little girls.

Anyone who would genuinely "go ape shit" over something like this probably needs to have a bit of a look at their priorities.........

"Am I the only person who thinks only a very stupid child would think Father Christmas had been twice, rather than Nana wanted to fill a stocking?"

My FIL had one of those "Santa Please Stop Here" signs and he had added "too". Nine of his grandchildren thought it even remotely strange that Father Christmas made two visits.

slender I agree with all your posts, you have made some great posts. Yes mine would be wondering why 2 and it would take the shine off for us.

We have ( projecting again) already tried xmas mils way - once when dc was young, and sadly it did ruin our Christmas as DD was not interested in our gifts on xmas day, now Mil couldn't have cared less and tried to get us to do it again the following year. Mine has been very sharp and I would have to be careful too.

I know some posters get really upset if mil does a cake too - its what matters to the mother really. Some things will and some wont and depends on how reasonable their mil is.

I just hope I will actually ask first if I decide to do any of this! ( which i wont )

I think it's your turn now, tell her you appreciate the gesture but your DC will use your stockings. If they were her children's and would like to keep them in the family she could make a stocking for your DH with his old stocking, that way she still gets to take part in the stocking filling with her kid and you can do your DC.

This is advice I should really listen to myself my MIL gives gifts labelled from Santa to my DD. Thankfully she's too young to read but I'm Santa in this house and Santa wraps in a specific wrap and other gifts come from other people or us as parents. I've mentioned it in passing but as DD gets older I'm going to have to put my foot down. She's not Santa now, as above, she's had her turn.

Good luck OP

Really Bertrand you discussed it with all nine of them in separate interview rooms did you

tazo5153

I wish my mum and MIL were still here to spoil my kids. Have a thought for those grandchildren who don't have a Granny to love them and spoil them.

"They had their turn" is such a strange thing to say. They were mums once and now they are Grandmothers. Children thrive on love and attention, so if your MIL wants to love your children and spoil them, what's the problem?

I feel really sad reading some of these posts. Surely there's room in your children's lives for mum, dad, grandparents, and anyone else who loves them.

winter I hope you have a perfect Christmas this year :)

How hard can it be to ask anyway? My parents assumed we'd be doing everything they had done for us and they still managed to derive huge enjoyment from their grandchildren in the short time they were able to. It is more of a passive role but is nonetheless magical if what you care about is being part of it. They loved seeing us making Christmas for our children and it would have broken their hearts to think they'd taken the shine off it in any way.

Milly, many posters on here including myself have lost our own mothers, and it makes a bad mil even more painful actually.

Do you really think its that straight forward?

bertrand

Nine didn't, you say? What about the tenth?