To be annoyed that mother-in-law is doing my kids' Christmas stocking?

[Nickname1980]

Ok first world problem.

This is really bugging me and I think I am being unreasonable but I can't help it!

Anyway. I made my DCs' Christmas stockings this year, a bad knit job, but I'm proud of them as I can't make anything much. Anyway, yesterday, MIL says "oh I found my kids' old stockings! So I'm going to fill them up for your children on Christmas Day. You can hang them at the end of their beds in the morning" blah blah blah.

Immediately I replied "oh thank you" because I was surprised and I am basically a people pleaser and didn't want to say no.

She then said it would bring so much joy to her and her mother (their great granny) to do that together, that they've already started buying the gifts.

Then I told her that I'd already knitted the kids' stockings because I really don't want her to take over. She replied "oh well, these are heirlooms!"

Am I being mean that I don't want her to do their stockings? That she had her chance to do it when her kids were little and that it's my turn now?

She does a lot for us, and tries really hard, and utterly dotes on my DC. Am I just being totally selfish and should I let her do this?

I know. Total first world problems. I wonder if I should just feel lucky that she wants to be so involved?!? But I just feel a bit annoyed that she's trying to take over.

This is advice I should really listen to myself my MIL gives gifts labelled from Santa to my DD. Thankfully she's too young to read but I'm Santa in this house and Santa wraps in a specific wrap and other gifts come from other people or us as parents. I've mentioned it in passing but as DD gets older I'm going to have to put my foot down. She's not Santa now, as above, she's had her turn.

Why on earth would you mind your MIL labelling gifts as from Santa?! What possible harm could that do? I feel really sorry for some MILs.

Thank you Slender we have managed to forge our own Christmas yes, but every year I dread the juggernaut that is Fil trying to persuade us to do Christmas Mils way. We stand firm, yes, on our Christmas, but we do see them as well.

They loved seeing us making Christmas for our children and it would have broken their hearts to think they'd taken the shine off it in any way

same here Slender this to me is "Christmas" ^^ , this is what DF also did when he was able to visit, he didn't impose anything on us, he got huge joy from seeing dc open their gifts! That was enough!
With Pils one gets the sense unless we are captive in their house prison and its done in a specific way restrained and with lashing of attention onto Mil. Who then plays martyr. They can't enjoy it.

Anyway will stop this massive interruption and projection onto ops thread. Slender I also hope you have a perfect Christmas.

I used to get gifts from my grandparents labelled from santa, it didn't really make any difference to me at the time I was just excited to see it. And in ways it added to the mysteriousness of did santa bring this?

It shouldn't matter who gets to play santa!

My MIL does stockings for my children.... And her own grown up children, and their partners. It doesn't bother me, mainly because she gives them to the children later on Christmas day when we see her. They have stockings filled by us at the end of their beds. I wouldn't be happy if she wanted hers to go at the end of their beds though, and can see why you're upset. Like you say, she's had her turn!

Totally off thread, but does any one know where I can one of those gauze stockings, usually sealed with red tape, that were popular in the 70's/80's? I know they look a bit cheap and nasty but I loved mine so much as a kid and you could see what was inside!

winterisnigh

Nothing is ever simple in life but what I'm reading on here isn't about MILs who aren't nice. The ones referred to seem to want to love and spoil their grandchildren. Surely a MIL who isn't at all interested in their grandchildren would be far worse, or perhaps one who turns up drunk and abusive.

FFS, we're talking about MILs wanting to do a Christmas stocking for their grandchildren.

Thank you winter

We don't have much money, so if a granny wanted to buy extra bits for our kids I'd be thrilled for them. Think about the children and and what makes them happy instead of being so self-centred.

I'm American, I feel that I'm not grasping the significance of the stocking despite my having been here for donkey's years.

So the contents of the stocking are the sum total of the Santa presents - no big box under the tree?

I guess if this is the case, I can see why the OP is unhappy with this arrangement but I'm a Christmas nutjob.

Winterisnigh- none of them are backward in coming forward-including my own children. The normal Father Christmas questions were raised at the appropriat times and were dealt with sensibly and, because we are not touched, no heroic efforts were made to keep them believing until puberty. But FC doing a drop off at Grandad's was never used as evidence for the prosecution. Although my dd hearing "sellotape noises" and my BIL tripping upstairs and dropping a sack of presents both were.

@millymolly not wanting someone to over step is not the same as depriving a child from love and attention. Grand parents should love and spoil their grand kids, lovely. But making a stocking from Father Christmas is not the same as buying them gifts from themselves.

I don't think saying they have already had a turn at being Father Christmas is unreasonable. You have very few years between a child being old enough to be excited about it and too old to not believe in it.

I expect that is why some grandparents want to do it, because they remember how fun it was to do. But it's not their job or their priveledge.

Spoil them yes, love them lovely, but the OP, as I would be, was upset, it is her (and her OH's) fun and job to enjoy.

Wanting boundaries is not the same as Depriving a child or taking anything away from a grandparent.

Parenting is not a group activity.

Another point that is well worth mentioning. 'Santa' presents should be small because children who don't have very much find it hurtful and confusing when Santa appears to favour children who are from wealthier homes. This is no small thing.

Stockings in our house come from Santa but essentially have a little bit of all the adults present for Christmas so usually something from db, dsil, DM, dmil, as well as mum and dad. This is because we did this before DC/DNs so everyone gets a stocking! (Budget per person £1!)

I am a grandmother! I accept very happily that my children are having the chance to set up their own Christmas rituals and to enjoy them with their children as we did. I ask them want they would like me to contribute.

One DD asked me to make stockings for her children and I was happy to do that - but they fill them with what they choose for their children.

There are ways of enjoying the new rituals and seeing your family enjoy themselves in their own way.

To the OP - I can understand that you might feel peeved after slogging away to knit the stockings when it is not really your "thing" only to have them usurped by what are implied to be far superior items (heirlooms indeed!). You have my sympathy - there are so few Christmases that are full of the magic that only young children can bring to them.

Could you try again with her and say - look I have worked my tripe out making these and I would like them to be the ones that they open on Christmas morning! I am happy for them to have yours at another time - ? after lunch.

Good luck!!!

Some people have no boundaries - and I speak as someone who has a dearly loved DM and DMIL.

What possessses these grandparents to overstep the mark. Have they no social awareness?

Of course the parents do the stockings. the GMs can just do presents from themselves.

Where do they dream these ideas up...

When my children were younger we would go to the ILs on Christmas Day evening or Boxing Day and she would have huge Santa sacks and everything labelled 'from Santa', then keep saying to the kids, "I knew you would like that" or "Is that the one you wanted ? I wasn't sure which to get"
I think my kids pretty much twigged about FC not being real from my MIL !! Why couldn't she just put from Nan & Grandad ??

And sorry - went off topic slightly there, but OP I think you are right enough to be a tad miffed about the stockings - I would be, I would say, the children will have our stockings here on Xmas morning, and yours when we come to see you.

I think it's the Santa-obsessed-to-the-point-of-hysteria parents that need to get a grip, myself.

Totally agree with Gillybeanz Much easier to be honest in a nice way.

Why are DiL's so horrible to their MiL's?. I am amazed at some of the remarks made. What about plain good manners and just saying thank you to your MiL.
My dads parents lived near us and we saw a great deal of them growing up. My parents never got upset when they gave my sister and I a Christmas stocking every year and we loved getting 2 stockings.
Your MiL is just being very kind and you should grow up and behave like an adult.
Remarks like ' it's your Christmas not your MiL's ' is just so petty.

Yes, some posters are being ridiculously petty about the whole thing and far more concerned about being in control than anything else.

Awalkinthepark1
Why are DiL's so horrible to their MiL's?. I am amazed at some of the remarks made. What about plain good manners and just saying thank you to your MiL.
My dads parents lived near us and we saw a great deal of them growing up. My parents never got upset when they gave my sister and I a Christmas stocking every year and we loved getting 2 stockings.
Your MiL is just being very kind and you should grow up and behave like an adult.
Remarks like ' it's your Christmas not your MiL's ' is just so petty.

^ this +++

'Thank you so much but we've decided not have that' is perfectly polite awalk. There's no obligation to accept kindness or it wouldn't be kindness, would it?

Thankfully it's not an issue here but I wouldn't want my dd to have 2 stockings. On Christmas morning on her bed is a stocking from Santa, nothing extravagant in it just bits and pieces, hair things, little toys, bit of chocolate. She also gets one slightly bigger present from Santa that is left on the hearth next to the now empty plate and glass as a thank you for the refreshments. Any other presents are from people, from myself, from her grandparents etc. I don't want more than that to come from Santa because I want her to learn to appreciate and say thank you for what she gets. So yes if a grandparent decided that my child was getting extra bits from Santa it would annoy me but it doesn't bother me what they give her from themselves. They can spoil her as much as they want but they do it in their name not in the name of some fictional character.

I'd be fucking grateful personally. You are being a twat about this.