To be annoyed that mother-in-law is doing my kids' Christmas stocking?

[Nickname1980]

Ok first world problem.

This is really bugging me and I think I am being unreasonable but I can't help it!

Anyway. I made my DCs' Christmas stockings this year, a bad knit job, but I'm proud of them as I can't make anything much. Anyway, yesterday, MIL says "oh I found my kids' old stockings! So I'm going to fill them up for your children on Christmas Day. You can hang them at the end of their beds in the morning" blah blah blah.

Immediately I replied "oh thank you" because I was surprised and I am basically a people pleaser and didn't want to say no.

She then said it would bring so much joy to her and her mother (their great granny) to do that together, that they've already started buying the gifts.

Then I told her that I'd already knitted the kids' stockings because I really don't want her to take over. She replied "oh well, these are heirlooms!"

Am I being mean that I don't want her to do their stockings? That she had her chance to do it when her kids were little and that it's my turn now?

She does a lot for us, and tries really hard, and utterly dotes on my DC. Am I just being totally selfish and should I let her do this?

I know. Total first world problems. I wonder if I should just feel lucky that she wants to be so involved?!? But I just feel a bit annoyed that she's trying to take over.

[franincisco]

I'm with you. Its your turn now.

doing the Christmas stocking is by far the most magical part for me & DH

Surely it's meant to be about the children? I'm sure they won't object to getting an extra stocking?

My DM and my aunt do one too, kids don't give a toss about the actual stocking (whether it is handkit, personalized or from pound shop) the most important bit seems to be what is inside it.

Y are all BU.

[MrGrumpy01]

My Nan used to do a stocking for all the grandchildren. We had it on boxing day. I look back on that with nothing but fond memories.

tbh it is U that the presents being passed off as from FC. They should be from her even if they are in a stocking. One of our dc's first Christmas's MIL appeared going 'Look FC has been here too' to which I immediately said 'No these are from you'

[BertrandRussell]

"Except..... the..... OP..... whose..... kids..... they..... actually"

Why wouldn't it be OK to have two stockings on different days?

[Trifleorbust]

It is your call. She had her years with her kids and now it is your chance to make memories with yours. I would be apologetic but firm: you have knitted stockings and you are using those. If she wants to give them a stocking at her house she is welcome to do so.

[WuTangFlan]

As heirlooms, aren't they too precious to let your kids loose on them? Fabulous as Christmas decorations though, hung somewhere they won't get wrecked?

[imnervous]

I know what you mean!

My parents are lovely, absolutely dote on my children, would do absolutely anything for them, however I feel they are seeing it as their second chance at parenthood. They attempt to take over everything, and take massive offence if we do something without them . They really undermine for as my children's Mum, although I don't think they realise it

[SaucyJack]

Because you only need one.

Why wouldn't it be OK for the GM to think up some traditions of her own?

[EweAreHere]

I would have your DH talk to her if you don't feel you can.. She's had her turn to be a parent, to bring her children stocking-joy on Christmas morning. It's your and your DH's turn now. And it means a lot to you, just like it did to her when her children were little.

YANBU.

[gillybeanz]

Just tell her you've already sorted it, why be annoyed.
My mil has done similar over the years, just a simple no thanks we are doing x usually does the trick.
I don't get why people just don't communicate, that's why so many people end up resenting their mil.
It's not mil fault, just bloody communicate and be done

[Backingvocals]

No im sure the kids wont complain. But its the OP who posted, not her kids. And she INBU. I rather like being FC for my children at Christmas. I get pleasure out of it as I'm sure my mother did for me. Perfectly reasonable for stockings to be a thing that you care about as a parent.

[franincisco]

Because you only need one

Well you don't actually need a stocking, it is a tradition, not a law. I'm sure lots of children get presents without the actual stocking and manage to have a good christmas.

[sorenipples]

What happens if your DM feels left out? Why shouldn't she get to play Father Christmas too if MIL does?

Three stocking really sounds like overkill.

[MrEBear]

Give the kids the option, "you can either hang up this stocking I made for you, or you can hang up your Dad / Aunties old one"

Granny seems to be missing the bit that stockings needed to be hung up empty for Santa to fill.
Do you and DH do stockings for each other, could you make use of the old ones?

[MaureenMLove]

Fucked me off no end when my mother did this for my DD. I let it slide because we did the 'oh look, Father Christmas has been to nanny's house too!' thing, but when DD was digging in to the stocking and mother was giving a running commentary before the presents came out I'd had enough. Bad enough that she was usually pissed, but it took away all the magic about Father Christmas.

Sorry , that was a bit of a rant and the way I begin to start feeling at this time of year!

Anyway, could you not suggest to her, In the kindest way, that they are your children and your traditions, so you call the shots. How about they have two stockings, she fills one, you fill the other, but ultimately they are both from Father Christmas?

[SuePerkins]

My MIL does stockings for all her children, DIL's and grandchildren. They get opened whenever she sees them on or after Christmas Day (Santa brings our DC's to home, opened on the morning of Xmas Day - we see MIL later in the day, she sees other GC's between then & New Year). None of the children have ever questioned a 2nd stocking. If they did we'd probably use the "Santa found this after he'd delivered the rest" line.

[Hippee]

My mum does stockings at her house and we do them at ours, so kids get both. Seems to work okay - just need to coordinate do you don't buy the same tat stocking fillers.

[ChimpyChops]

I find it odd that grandparents do stockings but that is because my family (and OHs) only have one stocking, from FC and on the end of the bed. Every family is different. If you don't want her to then ask her not to, but ask if you can have the stockings as decorations so they are still passed on?
I also had to stop a conversation evolving the year I met my OH, we went to his parents on Boxing Day and he stepdad started saying to my 5 year old that Santa had been there too and left presents, so I said away from my son 'oh no, Santa doesn't do that, he only comes to one house and that is where the child is' etc. All fine until he started arguing with me in front of my child, saying 'we do it like this, we do it this way'. I get it but I had already done 5 Christmas' with him and couldn't really change things!

[franincisco]

My MIL does stockings for all her children, DIL's and grandchildren.

I come from the same sort of household. It has never caused me to question the existence of FC.

OP if it is really going to bother you then just tell her.

[missingmumxox]

When I read posts like this, it says more about you that it does your mother in law, it shows you to be a mean spirited person who has to create an drama out of nothing.
Stockings come in pairs take it with good grace allow your mil and children the pleasure it will bring them, you know, make it not about you for once, and if your mother wants to do one as well, let her.
And hope and prey your children aren't as petty and try to freeze you out in the future.
Enjoy your children and enjoy the fact that there are people who love them as much as you.

[maybeshesawomble]

Where does your DH stand on this given it is his mother's idea and presumably the stocking he had as s child?

[HumphreyCobblers]

I would ask my MIL just to do a different kind of stocking at her house, and not to present it as a present from FC.

Really it does sound a little heavy handed of her not to even have considered that the parent might like the fun of doing stockings. And the poor OP has even knitted them herself! I would feel a a little peeved in that situation I think.

[LittlePaintBox]

If MIL enjoys putting stockings together, it seems a bit harsh to insist that she can't.

Surely you can come up with a way of 2 stockings being given, however you explain it to the DCs?

In my experience, small children really don't question what Father Christmas gets up to very closely - our fireplaces were covered with gas fires or boarded over, but I still believed he came down the chimney.

[winterisnigh]

op, feel your pain!

Its so innocent ( I assume from your mil) but why are people so thoughtless?

She obviously has great feelings for her stockings, she has even called them heirlooms, they mean a lot to her.
So why on earth wouldn't it occur to her - that you also feel emotional about the stockings you have lovingly knitted.
Also this is the first time I have ever heard of stockings as heirlooms !!
The thing is - its important to you and it means a lot to you. Therefore I think you need to find a way round this one. For instance, I know many mums on here get upset at Mils foisting Bday cakes on their DC and I totally get that. I have one of those too but we have got round it - by us doing the cake for their actual bday and Mil does the cake for any party. Perfect and this doesn't trouble me. But other things she muscles in on do, even the advent calenders were really annoying, when I had lovingly made homemade ones.

I would probably make it clear yours are real, with presents from real FC but Mil has some too which she will simply use to fill with her own gifts when she sees them, it will put them into a totally different perspective where your dc are concerned.
I would never dream of foisting any of this on my own dc! I will ask first!

[winterisnigh]

If MIL enjoys putting stockings together, it seems a bit harsh to insist that she can't

yes but this is the same argument as the cakes isnt it - if Mil loves it so much why hasnt it occured to her, dil may love doing these things for her own dc just. as . much ????????

[statetrooperstacey]

" oh look children granny has found you dads old stockings how lovely, let's hang them up as decorations. No Santa won't fill these ones just the ones on your bed."
Then in the morning when you go downstairs "WOW kids look! Santa has filled these as well!!! Did he get confused.? Did we trick him? Have you been really really extra good?! We will never know. . . . "