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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not work for free?!

243 replies

PinkyPie80 · 17/11/2016 09:12

Fucking awkward situation I've got myself in. I've name changed as fear this might out me.

I do cakes on the side, not professionally but if it's anyone's birthday etc I will be the one that makes the cakes and I charge for my time to make the cake but not at a professional rate.

We have a family friend that we have known for years. She owns a restaurant and struggled when she first started out so all of our family supported her and brought custom to her restaurant in the form of friends and we recommended her on Facebook etc. She is now successful and doing well.

She asked my mother if she knew anyone that would make her sisters wedding cake. My mum suggested me, the family friend said "money no object" She is foreign and sometimes the language is a barrier so I'm wondering whether my mother misheard her.

Last night my mother and I went to the restaurant to talk about what she wanted. She had cooked us a meal for free so we could sit down and discuss it. Quite an elaborate 2 tier cake with 80 cupcakes. I took the details and at the end she said "don't charge me for the labour, just charge me for the ingredients" I laughed thinking it was a joke but her face was deadpan and she said "I will take you out for a meal afterwards to say Thankyou"

Now because I had just eaten a 3 course meal for free and she is a family friend, I didn't say anything at the time. Came back home and my DH has gone off his tits, saying I can't do all those hours of work for free/a meal.

The wedding is 17th December so she hasn't given me a lot of notice

I have no bloody idea what to do now, what to say!!! Help mumsnet!!

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 17/11/2016 13:37

I don't think this is too bad - I know I'm a lone voice!

Taking all at actual price;

£23 (meal plus coke) x 3 (youx2 plus mum) = £69

Wedding gift = £30

She's paying for ingredients = £40

You charge = £150

150 - 69 - 30- 40 = £10

I'm not sure it's worth having a fuss about tbh.

Yes, you might not have wanted the free meals, but I'd just think meh and do it.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/11/2016 13:44

And actually, just read your latest post, if you charge her £150, full price, after you and your mum have had free three course meals, then you're the one taking the p.

Downthepubofcourse · 17/11/2016 13:46

She will of course put your receipts through her books so she can offset them against tax...

Downthepubofcourse · 17/11/2016 13:49

arethereanyleftatall as it says upthread the actual COST to her of a meal is less than £6. I really don't think three meals makes up for 20 hours work.

She is a business - she should understand how these things work and barter isn't it.

Original poster
PinkyPie80 · 17/11/2016 13:50

Hang on a moment arethereanyleftatall

My mother and I did not expect to be fed last night, we went out to discuss the cake. We refused when she said she was cooking but she said she wanted to. Also, I don't want another free meal from her! I'm not
One to go and eat out on my own so DH would have to pay for his meal causing us more expense. I said £30 is the MOST I would spend on a present to her and this would be only if I wasn't making the bloody cake! RTFT

OP posts:
toptoe · 17/11/2016 13:55

The trouble is normally people would never dictate how you were going to price it. She's gone straight in and told you how you should price it. You are within your rights to say, the price is 150 and that's the cheapest I can do it. I bet she comes back with 'I'll buy the ingredients and give them to you' Be ready to say 'No, I can't spend 20 hours on a cake for nothing. You're already getting mates' rates' And then she can find someone else to do it.

Aderyn2016 · 17/11/2016 13:56

They didn't ask for the meals though - this woman presented it to them as a way to manipulate the OP into giving her time and skill for less than it is worth.

Agree with telling your dad not to offer out your services for free in future.

Trifleorbust · 17/11/2016 13:58

arethereanyleftatall: By that logic I can call a plumber or a decorator and feed them a three course meal, then knock it off the cost of the work I want them to do Grin

arethereanyleftatall · 17/11/2016 14:08

Down the pub - many people on this thread are comparing the cost of the ingredients of the friend (£6), to the full cost of the op making the cake (£150). That isn't like for like. It's 23 vs 150, or 6 vs 40.

2kids2dogsnosense · 17/11/2016 14:08

arethereany

Are you living on the same planet as the rest of us?

A quick, cheap meal to place someone under an obligation is equivalent to 20+ hours of skilled work?

Not to mention the amount of physical room umpteen cupcakes and two tiers of cake in various stages of decoration will take up - OP does NOT have a professional kitchen with loads of spare space I wouldn't think.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/11/2016 14:09

Sorry, £23 x 3

clerquin · 17/11/2016 14:10

Ultimately, do you want to make the wedding cake at cost price for this person? Obviously not, so JUST SAY NO!

Forget trying to justify a price she doesn't want to pay - you need to tell her that unfortunately, you can't make the cake and direct her to other options whilst wishing her good luck asap.

Your Dad might be embarrassed but it'll be a good lesson for him plus it might affect family relations. You need to judge whether that's more important to you or not.

I wouldn't do it if just the thought of it is causing so much resentment already. I suspect any goodwill towards her have already disappeared and you would be now reluctant to bake her wedding cake at the going rate at all. It's not as if she's family and you need to see too much of her.

arethereanyleftatall · 17/11/2016 14:10

I'd do it for a friend, that's all I'm saying. I'm not looking to get into an argument, sorry.

Kazmerelda · 17/11/2016 14:12

As a fellow cake person, this is sadly only too familiar.

Are you saying you would charge £150 for a 2 tier elaborate cake and 80 cupcakes?

In my head even at mate's rates the cupcakes would be £1 each so £80 (average wedding cupcake price is 1.50 to 2 depending on design...could be more. Bulk orders are typically anything over 100).

2 tier cake, what sizes? To feed 80? So that would be a 10 inch and 12 inch. When you say elaborate, how elaborate?

Tbh I would be probably charging at least £200 for all that as mates rates.

alfagirl73 · 17/11/2016 14:14

With regard to the meal you had... as a point of law, she cannot use that as "consideration" in respect of the cake. That is, she cannot give you something for free and then use that as part of a contract (which is what this is) made after you've had that meal! In order for that to have any part of the deal AT ALL she would have had to have said BEFORE you ate the meal "this meal is part payment for the cake" before you ate a single mouthful - giving you an opportunity to object.

As for the other free meal - if you do not consider it to be fair payment (and in my opinion it isn't - ingredients, considerable time on an elaborate cake in the lead up to Xmas etc.... is not a small ask!) - then you are within your rights to reject that offer and counter-offer what you consider to be reasonable terms. "I will make the cake you requested, this is what it will cost, I will deliver it on X date to X location". It is then up to her to accept your offer or not. If not, I would stand firm - she will have a hard job getting someone to take on that order so close to Xmas and with such short notice.

If you do go ahead with the arrangement - given this woman's conduct to date, and given that you do not really know her that well - get the arrangement in writing - cover your backside on this. This is EXACTLY the sort of arrangement that can turn nasty - especially where a wedding is concerned and emotions/tensions are running high. This is a contract - treat it as such.

Original poster
PinkyPie80 · 17/11/2016 14:15

arethereanyleftatall I think when you said that it was actually ME that was taking the P you were goading for an argument Hmm

OP posts:
redpeppersoup · 17/11/2016 14:22

If you decide to make the cake OP make it crystal clear that on the day, no payment = no cake.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 17/11/2016 14:25

So what did you end up saying in your message OP?

expatinscotland · 17/11/2016 14:30

I think you're crazy to do it all. But £150 for an elaborate 2-tier cake, 80 cupcakes AND delivery? That's ridiculous. £200 or nothing. I'd send her a cheque for the meals. Wouldn't give a flying fuck if it caused animosity, she's the one who started it by being a pisstaking chancer.

ENormaSnob · 17/11/2016 14:42

No way on gods green earth would I do this.

Rude and manipulative.

dustarr73 · 17/11/2016 14:46

You wouldnt go in to work and say to the boss,its ok im doing today for free.So why is ok to piss take on someones hobby.I wouldnt do it at all now,you just know there is going to be problems

MuseumOfCurry · 17/11/2016 14:48

arethereanyleftatall: By that logic I can call a plumber or a decorator and feed them a three course meal, then knock it off the cost of the work I want them to do

Don't be ridiculous, you have to also be friends with their parents.
Wink

Msqueen33 · 17/11/2016 14:59

To be honest with the way she's approached you I'd give her a flat no on the basis that I think she'd be a pain in the arse! I'm not sure she'd give you the money and will probably be unhappy whatever you produce. Plus as it's her sister's wedding should she not be contacting you directly rather than relaying through a relative?

Jackie0 · 17/11/2016 15:00

you handled it perfectly op

JennyOnAPlate · 17/11/2016 15:07

£150 is way to low if you ask me! We paid that for our one tier cake 10 years ago!