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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not work for free?!

243 replies

PinkyPie80 · 17/11/2016 09:12

Fucking awkward situation I've got myself in. I've name changed as fear this might out me.

I do cakes on the side, not professionally but if it's anyone's birthday etc I will be the one that makes the cakes and I charge for my time to make the cake but not at a professional rate.

We have a family friend that we have known for years. She owns a restaurant and struggled when she first started out so all of our family supported her and brought custom to her restaurant in the form of friends and we recommended her on Facebook etc. She is now successful and doing well.

She asked my mother if she knew anyone that would make her sisters wedding cake. My mum suggested me, the family friend said "money no object" She is foreign and sometimes the language is a barrier so I'm wondering whether my mother misheard her.

Last night my mother and I went to the restaurant to talk about what she wanted. She had cooked us a meal for free so we could sit down and discuss it. Quite an elaborate 2 tier cake with 80 cupcakes. I took the details and at the end she said "don't charge me for the labour, just charge me for the ingredients" I laughed thinking it was a joke but her face was deadpan and she said "I will take you out for a meal afterwards to say Thankyou"

Now because I had just eaten a 3 course meal for free and she is a family friend, I didn't say anything at the time. Came back home and my DH has gone off his tits, saying I can't do all those hours of work for free/a meal.

The wedding is 17th December so she hasn't given me a lot of notice

I have no bloody idea what to do now, what to say!!! Help mumsnet!!

OP posts:
Goodythreeshoes · 17/11/2016 10:14

So it's the sister of a family friend, not even the friend herself.
Do you think the restaurant lady offered to make the cake herself and has now realised she's out of her depth?
Not your problem.
I agree with PP in that I'd get back to her asap. Pay for the meal and explain that, with the run up to Christmas, you are extremely busy and won't be able to commit.
Good luck.

brassbrass · 17/11/2016 10:15

stormtreader exactly Grin

monkeywithacowface · 17/11/2016 10:15

Just say no all together. I'm sure once they start getting quotes at professional rates they will regret being such cheeky fuckers. Alternatively just text and say "having costed up ingredients and time cake will be £150, I will take cash in advance rather than a meal in lieu of payment"

Shiningexample · 17/11/2016 10:16

Please give Storm's response and then report back, you owe us some free entertainment for all the free advice were given😁

lottiegarbanzo · 17/11/2016 10:17

Would you have chosen, independently, to go for another meal at her restaurant (or a similar one) otherwise? That is, does the gift of another meal save you planned expenditure? If not, it's a 'nice to have' but counts for nothing as payment.

I think one of:

  1. Cost up the whole thing and present quote to her, perhaps with a discount as thanks for last night's meal (which was akin to her inviting you to her house, you didn't ask to eat at her restaurant).

  2. Present same to your Dad and ask if he wants to buy the cake as your parents' wedding gift.

  3. Say that working without labour charge isn't possible, as you do cakes for extra cash, not favours, sorry.

Sparlklesilverglitter · 17/11/2016 10:20

YANBU

Some people have a bloody cheek!

Tell her you simply won't be doing it for free. If you doesn't like it wish her will finding a professional to do it for free/£40 for ingredients

MuseumOfCurry · 17/11/2016 10:21

"Unfortunately I have checked my orders and dont have enough time before your wedding to do the cake. I have enclosed £5.75 which should cover the cost of the ingredients for the meal we had."

Snort. Grin

Msqueen33 · 17/11/2016 10:22

That's really rude! And honestly if her sister is getting married why on earth have they left it this late to get a cake? Especially an elaborate one. That's a lot of time to give up for someone you're not remotely close to.

I'd go in and pay for the meal and say unfortunately it's such a huge job and you just dont have the time.

Cakes aren't easy and the hours don't ever seem to really equal the labour time. A friend of mine makes cakes and people just don't get the hard work that goes into it.

gamerchick · 17/11/2016 10:23

Unfortunately I have checked my orders and dont have enough time before your wedding to do the cake. I have enclosed £5.75 which should cover the cost of the ingredients for the meal we had

Brilliant Grin please send this.

MuseumOfCurry · 17/11/2016 10:24

Having re-read your OP, my blood is boiling on your behalf.

What have you decided to do?

Downthepubofcourse · 17/11/2016 10:25

A £20 meal costs her,.... £20 less vat which is £16 ish. Factoring in her gross profit, the ingredients will cost her about £6 ish.

pasturesgreen · 17/11/2016 10:25

£150 for an elaborate 2-tier cake and 80 cupcakes is already very good value.

Stand firm, OP, and don't let yourself be taken advantage of! Don't make it as a wedding present if you'd normally not go for something so expensive.

Also, don't go into too much detail as to why you can't make it. This sort of people are very adept at working round any reason you provide. Send Archedbrows email and be done with it.

If your dad is so bothered he can pay for the cake himself.

lottiegarbanzo · 17/11/2016 10:26

That is brilliant storm. Isn't it funny how we all automatically assume that the cost of the meal equals the restaurant price? Cos we are 'nice' gullible mugs with over-active senses of obligation

Trifleorbust · 17/11/2016 10:26

No, not at all, OP. I would charge her what you usually would and offer to buy her a meal if you're feeling generous Grin

She doesn't get to tell you what you charge.

Shiningexample · 17/11/2016 10:29

I will take you out for a meal afterwards to say Thankyou
Note the wording here!
She doesn't even think that you are entitled to proper compensation for your time and effort, nope she just wants you to accept a token gesture in return.
Don't waste your time trying to get her to pay a proper rate, just say you won't be able to do it and stick to your guns

museumum · 17/11/2016 10:29

Ok. How about charging her £80 or so "for ingredients" and then ask your parents to each pay you £50 for your time as their wedding gifts to the couple?

MuseumOfCurry · 17/11/2016 10:31

Ok. How about charging her £80 or so "for ingredients" and then ask your parents to each pay you £50 for your time as their wedding gifts to the couple?

Why enable her brazen behaviour?

CruCru · 17/11/2016 10:38

This is one of those situations where being direct and assertive is actually more polite.

Yes to emailing her today with a full summary of costs, including some allowance for your time.

However, if you now feel that it's going to be an unpleasant job (due to her attitude to paying etc), say that you won't have time and send links to some other cake makers.

But do it now.

eddielizzard · 17/11/2016 10:40

i would send her a bill for your mates rates minus £30 for what you would have given her as a present, minus £20 for the meal she 'gave' you, and minus £20 for the fantastic meal you will have 'at her expense' Hmm

so by my calculation: £150 - £30 - £20 - £20 = £80

tell her it's £80 and don't elaborate.

CruCru · 17/11/2016 10:40

Realistically, you may not have time to do it. They want it a week before Christmas.

eddielizzard · 17/11/2016 10:40

oh email her today so it's in writing, and she's got time to think of something else. don't budge!

ElodieS · 17/11/2016 10:40

This:

Dear Cheeky Mare,

Thanks so much for the lovely meal last night, we really enjoyed it and it was great to get a better idea of what you're looking for for your wedding cake, I'm excited about making it for you and hope we can get just what you want!

The ingredients will cost approximately £xx, and ordinarily I would charge £110 for labour since it will take approximately 20 hours to make. On this occasion though, I'd love to give you some of my time as a wedding gift and I'm thrilled to be able to contribute to your special day. Therefore, the ingredients and labour will cost £xx, do let me know how you want to pay, I'm happy with cash or bank transfer etc.

Thanks again!

PinkyPie80

2kids2dogsnosense · 17/11/2016 10:43

Have a suspicion that the "thank you" meal would not be at the restaurant of your choice - it would be another set menu job at her place.

Do as others have said - point out that you have to prioritise paying orders and you have a lot of them to do. You are already offering extremely good value, so I wouldn't reduce your rates any more - your standard rates are already "mates' rates". If you reduce them any more you not only set a precedent for other family and friends to demand, but you are grossly undervaluing your own skills - you will end up hating making cakes and it will take all of the joy out of it for you, and at the same time people who know you will still put pressure on you to do things for them.

Your DH is right - nip this in the bud (unless of course, your generous parents are prepared to pay for it, as others have suggested).

eleven59 · 17/11/2016 10:50

She's not a friend. A friend does not freeload.

SilverDragonfly1 · 17/11/2016 10:56

Have a suspicion that the "thank you" meal would not be at the restaurant of your choice - it would be another set menu job at her place.

I think even that's optimistic- I bet once the cake is done and eaten the meal won't materialise at all.