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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not work for free?!

243 replies

PinkyPie80 · 17/11/2016 09:12

Fucking awkward situation I've got myself in. I've name changed as fear this might out me.

I do cakes on the side, not professionally but if it's anyone's birthday etc I will be the one that makes the cakes and I charge for my time to make the cake but not at a professional rate.

We have a family friend that we have known for years. She owns a restaurant and struggled when she first started out so all of our family supported her and brought custom to her restaurant in the form of friends and we recommended her on Facebook etc. She is now successful and doing well.

She asked my mother if she knew anyone that would make her sisters wedding cake. My mum suggested me, the family friend said "money no object" She is foreign and sometimes the language is a barrier so I'm wondering whether my mother misheard her.

Last night my mother and I went to the restaurant to talk about what she wanted. She had cooked us a meal for free so we could sit down and discuss it. Quite an elaborate 2 tier cake with 80 cupcakes. I took the details and at the end she said "don't charge me for the labour, just charge me for the ingredients" I laughed thinking it was a joke but her face was deadpan and she said "I will take you out for a meal afterwards to say Thankyou"

Now because I had just eaten a 3 course meal for free and she is a family friend, I didn't say anything at the time. Came back home and my DH has gone off his tits, saying I can't do all those hours of work for free/a meal.

The wedding is 17th December so she hasn't given me a lot of notice

I have no bloody idea what to do now, what to say!!! Help mumsnet!!

OP posts:
Original poster
PinkyPie80 · 17/11/2016 09:47

BlueSky - because without sounding tight, she's more my parents friend than mine and the most I would have spent on a gift for her would have been £30, so to do a cake and cupcakes that would be worth £150 for free would be more something I would do for my best friends or close family.

OP posts:
Ginslinger · 17/11/2016 09:47

and you could offer to pay for the dinner you had

BluePancakes · 17/11/2016 09:47

posted too soon - meant to add that in reality, I've no idea how much a tasting menu at such an establishment costs, only that I'd love to try one.

Ginslinger · 17/11/2016 09:49

get your parents to pay for it as a wedding present seeing as your dad's so keen Grin

Original poster
PinkyPie80 · 17/11/2016 09:49

The meal that we had last night was off a set menu so if I had paid I would have paid £20 and the cost of a Diet Coke

OP posts:
BewtySkoolDropowt · 17/11/2016 09:51

I too would consider doing it in lieu of a wedding gift. Contact the bride directly though to offer it, as her sister might take the credit.

wednesdaynewdaytoday · 17/11/2016 09:52

Is that £20 each or for both yourself and your mother?

In any case, I would pay her the cost of the meal you had and let her know that you need payment for the cake - labour + cost of ingredients.
Just be completely honest.

This way, no resentment on either sides.

gamerchick · 17/11/2016 09:52

She's manipulating you, don't let her. Very clever the way she's gone about it though.

Go back, pay for the meal you had and tell her you can't do a freebie. She'll hopefully feel like a bit of a tit because you saw straight through her.

Don't let people blatantly take the piss.

wednesdaynewdaytoday · 17/11/2016 09:53

Or you could tell her you will deduct the cost of the meal from the overall cost of the cake and give her the final figure.

She's just trying her luck. Don't fall for it.

wednesdaynewdaytoday · 17/11/2016 09:54

Snap gamer

PeppaIsMyHero · 17/11/2016 09:55

I would go to her restaurant, pay for the meal you had last night and tell her that the cake is going to cost £150, but you'll understand if she wants to use someone else.

Of, as pp said, get your dad to pay for it as the wedding gift! :)

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 17/11/2016 09:58

You could message back saying you have been dreaming of some delicious tasting menu and that now she's offered to cover a meal to the value of the cake labour, you and your husband are looking forward to dining in such luxury together. Ask for booking confirmation to be sent to your email address, which when received will be taken as the contract for you to make a few cup cakes close to the cake she was describing wanting.

Allow them to reconsider. Don't be used. Get your dad to bake if he'd be embarrassed.

I'd be tempted to just go for radio silence. They'll sweat as the wedding approaches, then either tinkly laugh or match their deadpan face when you finally reply that you thought they were joking, asking you to do all that baking for a meal.

MrsGwyn · 17/11/2016 10:00

I think your Dad's saying that because it's not his time.

I think it shows no-one but your DH is valuing your time here.

Either try and inflated the ingredient costs or sit down and do straight talking or have a sudden big emergency/ big bit of business that means you now suddenly can't do it in teh time scale for her.

I'd also ask family not to put your name forward for mate rates - as so many people take the piss or in future say from the off what your rates are as it doesn't matter what family have said.

I personally would resent the manipulation involved here.

Shiningexample · 17/11/2016 10:01

Your parents are complicit in this
They have offered their daughter's time and skill as a wedding gift to their friend

I would refuse, otherwise you will be seen as a source of free labour

Lunde · 17/11/2016 10:03

Just tell them that you cannot do it for free and that you will need to charge your usual rate. If you do it for free this time this family will expect lots of free cakes for anniversaries, christenings and birthdays etc

If your Dad feels so strongly perhaps he could buy the cake

00100001 · 17/11/2016 10:05

don't make the cake... just say something like "I don't really have the time to do this" or "I don't feel like I could make it well enough" or "I'm not sure I could do this in time"

brassbrass · 17/11/2016 10:07

I second the sudden big emergency which means you will no longer be able to get it done in time.

Some regular work has come in and you can't possibly turn it down and it also means you won't have time to do their cake. Terribly sorry and all that...

scallopsrgreat · 17/11/2016 10:07

Just tell her you can't afford to do it for free (you can't on several levels not necessarily all about the money either). And here is the payment for last night's meal so neither of us is in debt to the other.

I think your Dad's saying that because it's not his time. Absolutely. If someone asked him to give several hours/evenings of his time for free would he do it? Very much doubt it. Funny how women's time and labour is sooo much more expendable though.

cheekyfunkymonkey · 17/11/2016 10:08

She has made it clear she doesn't want to pay for your time. You need to decide whether you want to treat it as a wedding gift as a one off or decline the job saying you have too much paid work on.

LadyVampire · 17/11/2016 10:09

She should have said upfront if the meal was expected to be paid for in exchange for these cakes or cash. She offered the meal for free so I would not be paying that back. Taking the cost of the meal off the order for cakes I would consider but a £20 meal for £150 worth of cakes?

I would stick to your pricing for ingredients and labour. Offering a £20 meal for £150 of cakes takes the biscuit.

ChuckGravestones · 17/11/2016 10:11

Did you know she was giving you a 3 course meal before you went? If not then tell her you didn't even want the meal, and if you did tell her you will take the £20 for the set menu off the price and quote her the full cost minus the £20.

However what will actually happen is that you will make it and she won't pay you and your dad will guilt trip you and you will have to take it to the small claims court. Got time for that have you?

Stormtreader · 17/11/2016 10:11

"Unfortunately I have checked my orders and dont have enough time before your wedding to do the cake. I have enclosed £5.75 which should cover the cost of the ingredients for the meal we had."

Shiningexample · 17/11/2016 10:12

Perhaps ask her how much the ingredients for the meal cost and then give her that back😂

Shiningexample · 17/11/2016 10:13

Cross posted with you Stormtreader😇

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 17/11/2016 10:14

Stormtreader - perfect!

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