AIBU to think feeding a 12 year old takeaway 6 days a week is neglect

[Arrowfanatic]

Just what the tag says really. The mother is over 20 stone and says she is too tired to cook (single, part time working) and despite being given lots of quick easy healthy recipe suggestions instead will buy pizza, Chinese, kebabs, Indian every night instead. Sometimes 2 takeaways a day on non school days.

Said child is really starting to pile on the pounds as also has free range of junk food in the house.

Mother just says she's too tired to cook and her kids are so fussy they wouldn't eat it anyway. I don't think they have eaten a vegetable or piece of fruit since they were on baby food.

Very depressing thread when a child hasn't a bed or coat but take outs are the focus.
One phone call OP is all that's needed to help these children but you choose to put the situation on a public internet forum.
Can I ask you why?
Just make the call please

blue Exactly. Surely these are more worthy of a mention in the OP?

As long as the cats have been fed.

Ooops, wrong thread - again. Apologies.

What of the other children? If she has several and works ft she may well be tired. If things are as you suggest (no coat, no breakfast, filling up on crisps, weight gain etc) I'd be surprised if none of the schools had picked up on it. At 12 he is old enough to make the odd meal and breakfast.

I actually think the breakfast and lunches sound worse than the dinners. If she bought ready meals every night instead of takeaways or did things like supermarket fish and chips in the oven that might be more achievable for her and would leave some money over for the kid to buy a sandwich at school.

A bed is not on the list of essentials needed by a child. A mattress is.
My DD slept on a mattress on the floor for about a year after her bed broke. Does that make me a neglectful mother?

No bed no coat why has nobody done anything just why ????

The poster who compared too many takeaways with rape/beatings is nuts - just nuts.

OP, I think I would buy the kid a coat if you can afford to. It is tricky though, as sometimes it is about the child not wanting to and the parent not having the strength to argue. But if it's about cashflow I'd just step in and do it.

You could also have them round for Sunday lunch or a simple dinner sometimes (again, if that's something you could afford to do).

Although I don't think it is so terrible eating a variety of takeaways - I know plenty of people who eat out every night. Not the best diet, and not the worst.

portia Because the takeaways are more important. I'd love the OP to come back and explain why these weren't her first cause for alarm. Didn't even appear in the first post.

Presumably this situation hasn't suddenly changed overnight, why your concern now?

There is a family in Scotland who had all of their children taken into care. They were known as 'the fat family' that was only a few years ago. The kids have never been returned to the parents.

YES social services will have an interest. YES it is abusive. YES it is neglectful.

katherina Completely agree re: the rape comparisons. Ugh. Get some self-awareness, people.

So OP What about the other kids you mention in your opening post.

But meadows - the OP states she has other reasons to suspect neglect (the broken bed, the lack of a coat); why not mention these in the OP?

Here we are OP please ri g

www.nspcc.org.uk/preventing-abuse/child-abuse-and-neglect/neglect/

helena I'm still waiting for the answer to that one as well...

I hate it when people say the OP should mind her own business. It is attitude like that which leads to children being left in neglectful or abusive households.

OP you should inform the social services.

Meadows we don't have the first clue of the story behind the Scottish family you refer to

www.familylives.org.uk/advice/your-family/social-services-and-your-family/social-services-and-your-family/
More advice OP if I can find it you can

Meadows I know that case professionally, there were many other factors too. Not saying anything else, but don't take the reporting at face value

Perhaps the other dc is a late teen - or the OP only knows this dc through a friendship with her own?

Thinking more about the coat - depends where you live, but my dc was in a raincoat until half term, and I am still wearing a jacket and jumper rather than winter coat - and we are thin! So (unless you are in Scotland or something, in which case disregard this) maybe a plump dc is OK in a raincoat and a couple of jumpers, especially if coats are uncool?

OP, you should inform social services

Oh boy - don't look at my DS's diet then... He has ASD and is extremely fussy. My HV actually told me he was doing pretty well for the average four year old, regardless of his SN. But feel free to call SS on me.

I think there is a middle way between minding your own business and reporting to SS.

Meadows I know that case professionally, there were many other factors too. Not saying anything else, but don't take the reporting at face valuE. I dont ever believe anything I read in the press. I have knowledge of the case. Of course there were other factors, as the age in this case. My point was that the food issue IS a concern. Maybe not on a standalone basis, but certainly as part of the bigger picture in both situations.