Colleague doesn't drink for religious reasons, so we're never allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol. AIBU to find this irritating?

[AChristmasCactus]

I work with a girl in her early twenties who's muslim.

We are trying to organise a Christmas meal, but we can't go anywhere that has a bar serving alcohol, and we can't have alcohol on the table so none of us can drink.

I feel that she's entitled to her views but to force it on the rest of the group is unnecessary. I'm vegan but wouldn't insist that people eat vegetarian food around me. I don't feel that religion is any different.

At the same time, I'm not exactly a drinker so I don't care as I can go with out. But I think it's the judgemental/controlling aspect that gets on my nerves. AIBU to feel this way?

Surely if you're a vegan, all animals being slaughtered is bad and not just halal ones?

No you don't! Religious relies have bought me booze and gift vouchers for local wine merchants.

Unless it's a pub crawl or royal piss up, then maybe she doesn't fancy being in a rowdy group. In which case it's not a religious issue.

So is her problem that she 'knows' you will all get ratted and unruly? In which case (unless you have firm for such behaviour) then she's being a bit judgmental, possibly racist?

That's ridiculous I would just ignore her wishes and tell her that you're going somewhere licensed and she can drink or not as she sees fit. I wouldn't pander to it she sounds unhinged. I have Muslim friends and colleagues and have never come across anyone being that unreasonable.

Like you OP, it's not necessarily the alcohol thing that is bothering me it's the level of control that would piss me off. I don't think you are being unreasonable.

Why is it up to her where you go?
I iunderstabd that she doesn't drink alcohol - but why are drinkers not having alcohol on the night out?
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Surely if you're a vegan, all animals being slaughtered is bad and not just halal ones?

Yes, but halal tends to be more problematic. Obviously I'm not OK with either but there's degrees of cruelty.

In the case I mentioned before, there would be great ramifications for these women if they were spotted in a place that served alcohol.

Always the women. What a surprise.
Explain why it's OK for men to be spotted in a place serving alcohol but not the women?

I have never ever heard of this op, I cant imagine anyone being so short sighted they felt they could openly impose this on so many people?
How laughable, a christmas jolly without drinks you dont need alcohol to have fun - but for goodness sake!

It does sound strange and having had muslim friends, have never known them to create issues with going out with drinkers to bars and restaurants, I suggest she stays at home!

Sorry - no specs on again 🤓

wouldnt anyone rather not go than impose this on the whole group? how embarrasing!

My DH has the same problem in his office. One man won't go to any restaurant with alcohol on religious grounds.
They leave him behind.

I'm Catholic. I drink wine for religious reasons.

YANBU

raw Yes, that post bothered me as well. I think it's a shame that there's so much social pressure to conform in some circles, it must feel stifling at times.

I'm still confused how you work with a girl even though she's apparently in her 20s. Surely she's a woman?

I also think its unreasonable to compare adhering to religious beliefs with veganism

yes one is real and tangible the other is fairy land stuff.

That's ridiculous!

But of course you can't say anything because you'll all be branded as "racist" and "ignorant"

Let her organise it all so she doesn't moan later and feel discriminated against.

She's actually 18, I was rounding up in an attempt to keep it non-identifiable. And yes that makes her a woman, I suppose I just see her as younger. Sorry for causing offence.

It's a Christmas night out - they usually involve alcohol.
If she doesn't want to go, I imagine everyone would be understanding - it's not right that she goes and controls the event. Will she be able to choose what everyone is eating too?
Why is everyone pandering to her? Sounds weird to me.

Haha cakes that's funny! I once worked where I had to order communion wine. I made the mistake of suggesting alcohol free wine, the vicars face was a picture!

I also think its unreasonable to compare adhering to religious beliefs with veganism

I beg to differ. I know vegans who feel physically sick if they see people eating meat. The smell of meat cooking turns their stomachs.
It's probably torture for them to be sat next to people eating dead animals at a works do.
But, they suck it up.

Going slightly off topic.

Surely there must be someone in your department who refuses to eat Halal meat?

At least no animals are harmed or tortured during the production of alcohol.

Wouldn't a vegetarian resteraunt be a better choice?

Wouldn't a vegetarian resteraunt be a better choice?

It's not something I'd willingly impose on a group. A lot of people are really not OK with eating vegetarian food for a special kind of meal. It would piss people off.

OP, I wish you had made that clear in your OP, as posters think that not only does this woman not want to attend a meal with alcohol, but she is forcing people to 'pander to her needs' (to quote a pp).

Does she really have to attend every meal? Maybe people could take turns organising and she could organise a lunch? There are so many amazing team building events (Go Ape, Time Lock, Crystal Maze), that everyone would enjoy. She could just not attend meals where alcohol is served.

Just because they don't drink doesn't mean you can't go to a bar. They do sell non alcoholic drinks. It's a case of give and take

If it's not a halal restaurant there is the risk of alcohol based sanitisers or cleaning chemicals being used, which would be a problem for some Muslims. I am not Muslim but audit (mainly manufacturing sites) against a halal standard. To be certificated, as opposed to just serving meat that is halal a hotel or restaurant would need, for example, separate preparation areas, glasses and crockery if they were also serving alcohol and non-halal in the same premises. It might sound extreme but that is what a strict Muslim would expect. Requirements also vary between the different halal boards and the different schools of Islam, so it can be a minefield. In the UK there is only one halal board I am aware of that requires no stun slaughter (although some mosques will give there own certificates), the rest accept stun to stun, but not stun to kill. Most halal meat here is slaughtered to the same hygiene and animal welfare standards as non-halal.