Colleague doesn't drink for religious reasons, so we're never allowed to go anywhere that serves alcohol. AIBU to find this irritating?

[AChristmasCactus]

I work with a girl in her early twenties who's muslim.

We are trying to organise a Christmas meal, but we can't go anywhere that has a bar serving alcohol, and we can't have alcohol on the table so none of us can drink.

I feel that she's entitled to her views but to force it on the rest of the group is unnecessary. I'm vegan but wouldn't insist that people eat vegetarian food around me. I don't feel that religion is any different.

At the same time, I'm not exactly a drinker so I don't care as I can go with out. But I think it's the judgemental/controlling aspect that gets on my nerves. AIBU to feel this way?

Hop

Where would you stop though any bugger could start dictating any bollocks to get their own way.

Ops posts have been fair, detailed and measured unlike others.

My take is she's a daft teenager and like daft teenagers she's taking her 'cause' to sound dramatic interesting and is enjoying you all jumping through hoops.

Teenagers can be like this. The adults need to take control and nip it in the bud.

dybil

Well the prophet might struggle to book s table at a restaurant on a high street in Britain that didn't serve alcohol wouldn't he,

This doesn't sound real.

Yanbu.

I'm Salvation Army. We don't drink for religious reasons.

Well ok last week I got hammered on a glass of wine after a particularly stressful week. But I reckon I should be ok with the big man.

She is being totally unreasonable. She isn't drinking it. Others are. To insist that no one drinks near her is not normal.

As long as the alcohol doesn't pass her lips then it's fine.

Whaaat? That is ridiculous, OP. You should all go where you wish to go and obviously people should be able to have a drink or more if they wish. She doesn't have to drink - I'm sure they will serve her with a soft drink - but if she cannot bear the thought, then she should stay away. She cannot be allowed to dictate to the majority. Grrr

Does she have any suggestions about where you could go? I can't think of anywhere round our way, apart from a local cafe at lunchtime.

I would give her the chance to suggest a place, she must have been in this position before so she's more likely to know a good place than you are. Maybe you'll all be pleasantly surprised with what she comes up with. If she can't think of anywhere then maybe that will help her see she needs to compromise a bit.

If it was the main christmas dinner then I'd say to go with the majority, but since the point is team building, it would be a bit mean to leave a team member out without at least trying to find a solution. Some sort of activity followed by tea and cake might be the best option.

At least you've all still got the main christmas do to look forward to.

Thanks everyone for the suggestions of alternative options by the way, I think the tea/cake combo sounds like a winning one.

I take my hat of to you for trying OP. We get hacked off accommodating a colleague who doesn't like curry.... :o

Unbelievable.

I think the tea/cake combo is the winning one

If you and all your work colleagues are resorting to the tea/cake combo then the one winning is the controlling and dictating Muslim colleague.

To be fair, this is in the bible:

biblehub.com/deuteronomy/22-11.htm

Do not wear clothes of wool and linen woven together.

A lot of people are Christian but wouldn't necessarily take that word for word. Many muslims don't agree with the interpretation given on the website either.

YANBU! We have similar where we have to go somewhere halal. So it's pretty limited to Nando's where we live. I'm a Jew and don't insist we all go somewhere kosher so it does irritate me

Why the fuck not I assume she shops in tesco sells achol

I assume she eats out most chains sell drink they even sell drink at airport bowl

OP - TBH that's the way I would respond.

It's a team building event and you all should perhaps consider that finding a "common" activity is part of that bonding process.

That actually starts a good discussion about other options where team members might be surprised about the interests they share rather than those they don't.

In my time I've done ghost tours, visits to art galleries, had art lessons, ceramic painting, go-karting etc etc all through work events.

If you consider a meal is £20/30 a head (don't know if it's company funded) then you have quite a reasonable budget, even with a small team to think creatively.

I wouldn't give into her either layer this isn't about not drinking alcohol which is perfectly fine this is a step too far and a teenager controlled the adults in a social non work environment.

Give in now and she will get worse and that's not fair to her really.

Why not ask her for suggestions?

AChristmasCactus - obviously not all people adhere to all teachings of their faith (and actually, I have only known one other muslim as strict as your colleague re. alcohol, most have been more relaxed).

Although re. your quoting from Deuteronomy; I believe there are theological reasons why Christians don't adhere to all of the old-testament laws (hence why they don't keep kosher)

www.catholic.com/magazine/articles/why-we-are-not-bound-by-everything-in-the-old-law

Just throwing it out there, we have a similar issue in one of the teams I work in, as we have an alcoholic in recovery: so our team get togethers and celebrations - previously exceedingly boozy on occasion - are now held over tea and cakes: this individual is fine with us drinking, and has no issues not attending, but we are obviously aware that it's not possible for them to be around us, or around alcohol, and would prefer to hold events where we'd like everyone to be able to attend if possible in a tea room/coffee shop.

I also do a lot of work with an extremely religious Muslim gentleman, who is also a semi-important religious figure (so think mufti sort of position) in his country, which is a Muslim-majority nation: he doesn't drink at all, of course, but I sometimes have a great deal of difficulty persuading him that it's absolutely fine for me to have a meal without alcohol, say, or that we don't need to choose somewhere where alcohol is available if there's a group of us going out to eat etc I am not saying he would cheerfully come clubbing and on a big night out with me, but he is well aware that I am not Muslim, and follow different religious and cultural practices as a result. (For a while, his secretary - also a non-Muslim - even had a hefzi bottle of alcohol in the filing cabinet, as it was so important to him that I should be made welcome as a guest: he struggles to accept I don't drink because of medication )

My bottom line is that, whilst it might not be a religious thing per se, it's a her thing, in the same way as my other colleague is unable, for different but equally important reasons, to be around alcohol being served. And if it's a team bonding thing, it's clearly important you all take part - so tea shop all the way. Bugger the chain coffee shops - find a small, independent sort of place, where you can get a proper afternoon tea (and pick the option without the glass of champagne): she can have the veggie sarnies and the little cakes, and you can all go to the separate works' Christmas do along with any other colleagues that don't mind being around booze. Job's a good 'un.

Just... wow. Religion or no religion, she's an entitled little snowflake isn't she?

At our workplace we have two underage girls on our team. When we go on works nights out, they either don't go, or come for food and then go home so the rest of us can go and drink. They're happy with that and so are we.

If she's that offended why is she even going for a Christmas meal? Surely she doesn't celebrate Christmas?!

acatcalledjohn

We live in a democracy.This is not democratic behaviour. Take a vote and go where the majority want to go.
I actually think she is being utterly unreasonable. Christmas is the biggest Christian celebration, she is a Muslim if she doesn't like it, she need not go.

Your colleague sounds very intolerant of anyone who doesn't hold her views. Good to see you are tolerant with meat eaters even though vegetarian.

entitled little snowflake

That exactly. Our team once did rock climbing. I made an excuse because I hate heights and made an excuse as wouldn't deam of imposing my ism onto others.

I don't see why having your team bonding in a tea shop (how "British" is that?!) is "letting the intolerant win". As you have said OP, the focus isn't on drinking and getting drunk - it's about being together as a team. If you do it in a tea shop then no one needs to worry either that their needs aren't being met or that they are being met to the exclusion (and resentment) of everyone else. The drinkers will have a chance to have their knees-up. And you, OP, will have a chance to show this kid her (yes, unreasonable) demands are no big deal and she isn't getting the wind-up she might have hoped.

This colleague needs to get real.