School: "no babies allowed"

[Lardeedar]

My DD's primary school insists that for all school meetings, nativity plays and parents evenings, no babies or toddlers are allowed to come. I have a toddler that I look after at home, and I'm perfectly capable of keeping him quiet (phone, iPad and lollipops given rarely enough to be novel seems to work) or failing that, I have curtesy and common sense enough to remove him from the location if he does decide to pipe up!

The school just assumes I have a nan up the road on hand to babysit whenever I want but I don't. These meetings or plays are always 2-3. Both my parents are working, as are my siblings and friends, they have jobs and the two that don't have their own kids and school runs preventing them from helping out.

I'm expecting my third child now and am really upset about all the plays and meetings I'll have to miss because they won't let me in with my newborn. Even if I did have available childcare I resent being obliged to leave my (probably breastfed) newborn for any amount of time for such a stupid policy. Is this normal? Are all schools like this??

A local after school club worker (s) depending on ratio could look after children in a classroom for a couple of hours, at a cost to parents.

So why can't the parents who need this service organise it? Why it is up to the school to make arrangements for parents who expect everything handed to them on a silver platter?

Why can't parents book them into a local crèche for an hour or two?
Our nursery staff are with our nursery children in the hall or waiting in the corridor before they go on.
A local after school worker cannot mind a roomful of babies as they may not be trained for that age group. The ratio for young babies is very high so you would need several people not one.
I do sympathise as I had no one to look after my children. No relatives at all and DH works away from home for weeks at a time. I either booked them into a nursery or crèche when one of the others had something special or my friend and I swapped.

It's a bit miserable to ban babies and toddlers from school events. By default, parents of primary school children are highly likely to have younger children and it makes the life of the school community much more limited to stop them bringing their babies and toddlers along to musicals etc. Talk about being a grinch!

Ditsy

Surprised such a crèche exists with as hoc hours. None round here like that!

DS's school introduced this after the Christmas play performances were all ruined by the dreadful behaviour of a few toddlers and the refusal of their parents to deal with it.

Sad for those parents who do control their DCs but the right thing for the DCs who were in tears because their performances were spoiled.

2 tickets per family per performance and older siblings only. It was bliss.

YABU

Personally, I think that the children whose siblings have disabilities or have disabilities themselves, whose parents are far from family and who can't afford a babysitter, who have recently moved to the area (or country) and don't have a social network to rely on, whose parents are carers for other relatives or whose lives are too chaotic to arrange childcare are exactly the sort of children who would benefit the most from having their parents attend school events.

I can see our school introducing this for plays soon.

Last year the head at the start specifically asked that people took out little ones if they started to get noisy - but of course a few still ignored it which made it hard for everyone else to actually hear the play the children have worked so hard to practice.

The problem isn't the school rules but the fact so many parents selfishly don't remove children when they get fractious so schools feel they have to do something.

Agreed. We would not have rules like this if it weren't for the fact that there's always one selfish piece of work refusing to take their child out and ruining it for everyone else. It's sad for those people who do do the right thing, but it was always thus: that a selfish few spoiled it for the rest of us.

Coffeethrow agree. Ds1's school have this policy but it only seems to apply to some parents, the menacing looking parents who decide to bring their entire families get waved in cheerfully while my friend was turned away in the rain with a tiny newborn. It is all the more irritating having a phonics presentation or whatever interrupted by a screaming baby when you've made complicated arrangements for your own baby to stay with a friend or paid for childcare. I absolutely loathe this kind of inconsistency and unfairness.

Our school had same policy but I brought my 6 week old to dd s play and no one batted an eyelid, there was even some there with toddlers, so clearly not everyone takes it to heart and the school didn't expect it as no one said anything. I wouldn't make a habit of it but I m not going to miss dd s big moment as a Christmas ladybug , so if I don't have childcare I ll be bringing toddler dd this year too

I wish our school did this. Watching ds2's little face crumple because he missed his line during harvest festival was really upsetting actually. He couldn't hear the child before him who is softly spoken anyway because of an ignorant pair of numpties laughing and shouting while one of their little ones kicked the backs of the Y6 children waiting to do their performance, right in the middle of the front row which had been added because more parents turned up than expected. It was massively unfair on him - his instant reaction was to cry because he thought he'd be in trouble, poor kid.

Not everyone is polite enough to remove children who are creating a fuss and sometimes a blanket ban on babies and toddlers is the only solution. Children and teachers put a load of work into their performances for parents and a few ignorant people shouldn't ruin that for them.

I think that the head should stand up at the start and ask people with babies and toddlers to sit at the back (reserve a couple of rows) and to leave straight away if their child can't remain quiet. Then get teachers to remove parents with loud babies and toddlers. Or stop the play and specifically ask people to leave. Or, better still, go with the 'noisy' and child free showings option.

I don't really get why people feel entitled to ruin an event for everyone else. It's not family friendly. In families we respect the fact that there are times when our needs don't come first. I say that as someone who had no childcare and couldn't afford a babysitter.

So if the most important thing is that the children get their chance to say their lines without interruption from disruptive audience members, then surely the simplest option is just not to invite parents at all. That way, it's fairer for the children whose parents wouldn't be able to come anyway because of work or caring commitments. If there isn't already a suitable audience within the school, they could perform for the governors, or pupils from another school, or in a care home.

Not everyone is polite enough to remove children who are creating a fuss
by the time they have made a fuss it is too late!

so if I don't have childcare I ll be bringing toddler dd this year too

How utterly selfish. I do hope you get turned away.

I WANT. That just sums it up, really...

The DCs taking part are far more important than the babies and toddlers, frankly. Let them have their time in the limelight and don't ruin it for them.

We all want the best for our children, don't be ridiculous. Why is having a screaming toddler in the audience doing the best you can for your child (never mind everyone else's child, because obviously they don't matter)?

My son's school used to have a dress rehearsal to which the infants next door were invited - and parents with babies and toddlers.

The main event was in the evening, and parents were expected to leave their younger kids at home/with a babysitter.

But if you couldn't make the evening performance - whether or not you had smaller kids - you could attend the dress rehearsal which was in the afternoon.

They did put on a creche for parents evening.

zzzzz - I think it's a good point you make. I think we should be more tolerant and relaxed about noises in the audience if we are to be an inclusive society. I've had occasions when I've missed my child's one line in a show or assembly due to a noisy audience. I just tell my child afterwards that they were great and I'm so proud of them. They don't seem to realise I didn't hear them (and it doesn't really matter as I would have heard it many times at home.)

Our school policy with regard to babies/toddlers at the nativity is that little ones can attend matinees but the seats at the one evening performance are reserved for adults only.

I think that the head should stand up at the start and ask people with babies and toddlers to sit at the back (reserve a couple of rows) and to leave straight away if their child can't remain quiet. Then get teachers to remove parents with loud babies and toddlers. Or stop the play and specifically ask people to leave. Or, better still, go with the 'noisy' and child free showings option.

Why should the head have to manage the parents who think that they can sit where they want, regardless of a special little darling? Why should teachers have to spend the night trying to get parents to take their screaming little brats out? Don't allow them in the performance, then no one has to spend their time managing it.

the excitement they showed to hear and see was lovely for ALL of us.

I'm sure it was as long as they didn't disturb the performance. Sadly, a lot do and their parents just let it happen.