To be furious the teacher told my ten year old she stinks?

[madsymads]

Family meal yesterday at an Indian restaurant. Might have been a bit heavy on garlic and spices.

DD was quiet when I picked her up today (she had been to after school club) and then suddenly started crying. I of course asked what was wrong and she said that this morning she had gone up to her teachers desk to ask something and the teacher (DD demonstrated) pulled a face and said 'ew, go and sit down, get away from me. What have you eaten? It smells awful.'

Obviously this led to quite a lot of unkind comments all day.

Completely inappropriate. Or AIBU?

YANBU. Poor kid, it's not something you comment on. If you're genuinely concerned, you take them aside and make sure they're ok. Otherwise, it's not necessary. I hope she's ok now.

I agree with Suburban. What you've put in your OP is very different from your title. There's also a difference between a gut reaction when somone breathes foul smelling fumes into your face, and an announcement to the class. If your dd was that close to her, I should imagine it was also said 1:1 to her.
Might not be ideal, but then nor is having a horrible smell breathed into your face.

I don't think what is in my OP is different from my title, but even if for arguments sake we agree it is, I still personally feel it was rude, personal and unkind.

I mean - not that she would - but suppose the teacher had had garlic and my DD had a "gut reaction" when the teacher "breathed foul smelling fumes in her face"?

BackforGood Are you saying when someone has bad breath and breathes close to you, you make a remark like the teacher's?

Maybe I am superhuman for having basic control over my speech...

Not suggesting your DD is lying. Just be a little cautious. Once DS told me when he was 9 that his teacher forced them to sit with their hands on their heads for an hour, every single week. Another girl in his class corroborated his story. So off I goes all imperious to confront teacher, who gets very upset and says 'yes I did ask the children to sit with their hands on their heads....for ten minutes, and I told them that if any of them shouted again within the next hour they would have to repeat it' I looked like an utter fool! DS later looked a little shame faced.

An involuntary reaction might be pulling back or coughing, not making comments. I've encountered unpleasant smells before and never felt the need to make anyone feel bad about it, let alone a child - who couldn't exactly do anything about it in school, could she? I honestly find this a dreadful thing for a teacher to say in front of other children. Poor kid.

Yanbu

Even if she regularly went to school stinking, the teacher should have a quiet word in private, or speak to you about it again in private

If it was a one off then no need for comment at all

I totally agree that teachers don't always get things right, but this is so obviously unacceptable and offensive. There are loads of cuisines around the world that use strong spices, so some children are going to smell of the things they eat. It's totally not ok to draw the child's attention to it. Some diets involve a lot of frying and clothes definitely 'hold' frying smells. If your dd is accurate in what's happened, then it needs addressing.

Your poor dd. I would definitely investigate what went on with the teacher that upset her. That's not acceptable for the teacher to humiliate a child like that.

Really? Tell the Head teacher; bullying; unprofessional? Teachers can't do anything right can they? Go in early tomorrow to avoid having to queue behind all the other parents lining up to complain about the teacher.

I'd speak to the school OP, and if truth I would get the HT involved as the teacher basically instigated bad behaviour from your ds's peers and she knowingly said this out loud and the kids in her class then showed that this poor wording/expression was then acceptable.

Jayfee That is an absurd thing to say. Anybody incapable of seeing that such an insult is inappropriate has no business being in a teaching position anyway. As another poster mentioned, that is basic emotional literacy.

KathArtic Don't be ridiculous. The martyring of teachers (often FROM teachers) on MN is pathetic.

Here we go. Don't dare pull a nasty piece of work up because they're a teacher

I would speak with the teacher. Make your judgement from her response how to act next. I think you'll know if she did say it as your dd has retold.

I would think a holier than thou teacher should know better to comment the way she did if she said it.

Teacher made a mistake, of it is as reported.

The only time I would ever comment on a child's smell is very quietly to suggest they go to the loo, if they are farting a lot after lunch

This is awful and yes some teachers do need anti bullying training!
Some do actually bully!
It's rude to pass personal remarks!
Could you imagine if a nurse said that?

Jayfee you are in the staff room and a colleague says to you "'ew, go and sit down, get away from me. What have you eaten? It smells awful" what would you say. Teachers sometimes forget that children are humans with feelings too. Teachers sometimes get it very very wrong. If this happened as was said by the OP a big apology is needed at the very least.

Yes, it's mortifying.

Very, very rude and unprofessional!!! I'd definitely complain. I should add I'm a teacher.

Something similar happened to my daughter at an "archery themed birthday party". One of the adults from the company said "last one over here stinks of dog poo". My daughter was the last one of course and was made fun of for the whole of the rest of the party. I called to complain. They were non plussed but I think they probably thought twice about saying it again.

Unprofessional. Unkind. Sets a terrible example. I don't think teachers should be superhuman, but they should have some sense of humanity. If not, they are in the wrong profession.

I would just check with the teacher before you go in both barrels. I too have been caught out by some slight exaggerations on the part of my DCs.

I read with little ones at my DS's school and have often been on the receiving end of noxious whiffs from both ends of the little darlings! You just smile and work through it. That said, there was a guy in B&Q the other day who smelled so strongly of garlic that I could still smell him two aisles away. I'm not sure how I would managed not to flinch if I had been reading Biff and Chip in a small room with him!

Still, no excuse. I have occasionally overheard the teachers in their classrooms while I'm outside reading and have heard a few things that were really not all that nice. Some teachers can and do say unpleasant things sometimes so worth asking the question. Especially if other children heard and started teasing.

Emotional intelligence, not literacy, surely?

I would probably have started a chat about my favourite take out being Indian. The Indian children in class often smell very strongly of the food cooked in their homes. I'm just a bit jealous!