To be furious the teacher told my ten year old she stinks?

[madsymads]

Family meal yesterday at an Indian restaurant. Might have been a bit heavy on garlic and spices.

DD was quiet when I picked her up today (she had been to after school club) and then suddenly started crying. I of course asked what was wrong and she said that this morning she had gone up to her teachers desk to ask something and the teacher (DD demonstrated) pulled a face and said 'ew, go and sit down, get away from me. What have you eaten? It smells awful.'

Obviously this led to quite a lot of unkind comments all day.

Completely inappropriate. Or AIBU?

Am totally amazed that anyone would seek to defend this teacher and her foul comment.
Some odd people on MN these days

How about not stuffing dd full of spicy food on a sunday night etc etc

Ummmm what about cultures where spicy, garlicky food is THE food that is commonly eaten. Should they make sure their kids have scrambled egg, shepherds pie and other bland meals, in order that heaven forbid, someone can smell spices and garlic in their presence?

Am totally amazed that anyone would seek to defend this teacher and her foul comment.

I think many of us are defending the sensible course of action of finding out what happened before firing off the big guns.

I agree, but I also know DD wouldn't have been crying at 3 over something that happened at 9 unless it was fairly serious.

I have another DD slightly more prone to theatrics (I'd still listen!) but something happened.

Obviously I will find out what but I am inclined to believe her version of events.

I don't work with children. I'm not perticualy good with children either, but I would never tell a child they stink! Saying what she has eaten stinks is just the same as she stinks in my book. Unless the smell is a persistent problem I fail to see the need to mention it at all

Of course you're inclined to believe her. But it's always good to reserve your outrage for when your child's version of events is confirmed. Most posters on this thread have played judge and jury before you've even spoken to the school.

That's horrible.

Well yes, Surburban but even if it's only from a stance of 'if this happened yes completely unacceptable' then that's different to accusing DD of lacking resilience or making out its an overreaction.

The more I think about it the more annoyed I am. If it transpires it was as DD said it was then I will be taking it further.

This is worse than unkind - it is potentially very damaging to the family: one of the main headlines of "child protection" is neglect; and one of the main indicators of neglect is "the child smells bad". I teach SEMH children, and we have several children for whom smelling bad is a trigger to get Soc Servs to re-engage with the family.

This could lead to a situation where OP's DC's school staff meeting is told that there is a possible CP/neglect issue. I would therefore urge OP to ask for an urgent meeting with the teacher concerned and their line manager (Head of Year? Head of T&L? Deputy Head?) to discuss & resolve.

I would wait and see what the teacher says. She may be horrified that an off the cuff remark caused such upset, and if she is, and she is going to deal with it appropriately, would you need to take it any further?

Dealing with it appropriately would, in my opinion, be apologising to your dd, and explaining to the class that she shouldn't have made this thoughtless remark, and no-one should be being nasty to your dd because of it.

Pretty tactless unkind remark .
But huge overreaction by many here !

What, really? For having a curry?

I don't know SDT. I see what you're saying but just the same, it was such a poor error of judgement it does (to me) throw her whole professionalism into question.

OP I think you're missing the point that most people on this thread ate ousting as if you've already been to see the teacher and have had your DD's story confirmed.

I'm actually amazed there wasn't just one page of posts saying, "Go and talk to the teacher and find out what happened".

• are posting

I am DSL trained - no way would a smell of curry be an indicator of neglect.

Surburban, I'm not missing the point at all. I believe my child. That doesn't mean I'm going to go in raging and screaming but I would bet my house on this having happened. DD repeated word for word what the teacher said, her facial expressions, her proximity to DD. There is no reason whatsoever for DD to lie, she wasn't in trouble and she doesn't know she stank and if her friends or classmates had been unkind to her, why would she accuse the teacher?

I have to say I dislike this instinct that the child is always lying.

I don't think the teacher was right, it smacks of bad manners but you could look at ways you can disperse the smell of garlicky food on your breath so it isn't offensive to others either. I'd probably have a work with the teacher to tell her how upset my DC was because I'd want her to be aware that thoughtless comments cut deep sometimes. I'd also want my daughter to know that sometimes people make mistakes and use it as lesson to teach her to be on guard about saying similar to her friends because she knows how bad she feels. I certainly wouldn't take it further than a quick chat to find out the facts unless further comments were made.

Wtf are you on about hototrott? The child smelt of curry. That is not neglect.

Sounds like the teacher got it wrong but I would want to hear her side first. I hope your daughter is ok.

Who on here has said your child is lying? Getting both sides of the story is always the sensible course of action and in no way implies you disbelieve your child.

If someone had made an accusation against you, you would reasonably expect to be able to give your side.

Absolutely, and that is why I'm going to go in tomorrow cool, calm and collected.

On Mumsnet though, I'm thoroughly pissed off my child has been upset

On no planet is this ok. As a fellow teacher I'm appalled and dismayed not only at what was said but that so many posters seem to think it wasn't so bad.

It is bullying. We are in Loco Parentis. We are the adults responsible for safeguarding the wellbeing of the children in our care. It's bullshit to suggest that she just made a mistake. She is apparently a professional a part of that professionalism relates to being able to control what comes out of your mouth. Many days I've just wanted to shout, 'Shut the fuck up, you're driving me crazy with your incessant gibberish.' Instead, I calmly ask them to calm down, stay focused and stop talking so they don't miss anything important.
Do I look at the child with the filthy jumper and polo shirt on a Mon morning and ask in front of the class why he hadn't bothered to wash all weekend? No, because doing so would make me a bully. And doing so in front of other children giving rise to teasing would either make me a stupid bully or a nasty one. Either way, I shouldn't be in charge of that child's welfare.
And as a teacher, I would be mortified to hear a colleague speak to a child this way. I would most certainly bring it up to them afterwards (but not in front of others as I'm not a bully) and going forward, I'd respect them less.

The OP says "Obviously this led to quite a lot of unkind comments all day"

and this is the crux of the matter.

I worked as a teacher and I come from a family of teachers and the thing that all teachers are told (or we all were) is that a teacher's attitude to a pupil affects the way the other pupils treat that child.

So we were trained not to show any dislike of a child or any negativity in any way whatsoever because kids pick up on stuff like that and the teacher can trigger a bullying situation that may last for the entire school life of that child and have terrible consequences.

Any teacher who doesn't realise an off-the-cuff remark can upset an kid has no business teaching. I would be amazed if this teacher didn't know exactly what they were doing when they said this awful, unprofessional and yes - abusive - thing. It is abuse it is abuse of position to say something like that to a child.

As for kids forgetting stuff like that - no they don't - especially if it is the beginning of being bullied because the teacher has basically announced to the class that saying unkind things to this child is now acceptable.

The teacher sets the tone of the class and must set a good example.

I am upset that your daughter had this experience. From what you have said of her difficulties through the year it seems to me that she is obviously a vulnerable child and something in this teacher has scented a potential victim and you need to watch this situation very carefully.

I don't know SDT. I see what you're saying but just the same, it was such a poor error of judgement it does (to me) throw her whole professionalism into question.

🙊🙊🙈😑☺️😃😆😂😂

Why am I always drinking tea when I read these things!?

So we were trained not to show any dislike of a child or any negativity in any way whatsoever because kids pick up on stuff like that and the teacher can trigger a bullying situation that may last for the entire school life of that child and have terrible consequences.

^^

A passive-aggressive comment made out loud for the class to hear? She needs to explain that.

One of my teachers (a PE teacher) told me in a snidey way that I was pidgeon toes. She said this in front of my friends and I'm still bitter about it and I'm over 50 😂 I can picture her face as she was saying it even now. She was a complete bitch to anyone and everyone so I assume she said it to be unpleasant.

She used to take everything very seriously and used to be furious when we lost. Being teen girls we found it hilarious and would purposely play badly. Ahh, happy days...