"Ur doing great hun"

[girlwithamoonandstaronherhead]

I'm on a couple of whatsapp groups with people I don't know, due to shared interests. I find them very useful, and the people very nice. But one thing really annoys me. If for example I ask for some advice (one of them is a parenting group), I will get some good advice, plus many fairly pointless messages along the lines of 'ur doing great', 'give urself a pat on the back' etc. These people don't know me, and have never met my kids, so I could quite feasibly not be doing great, and they wouldn't know.
I like genuine compliments, for example if someone in real life said, 'your kids are so well behaved, you're doing really well with them', or on whatsapp, 'your posts are so insightful, thanks' (btw no one has said either of these things to me, I'm just fantasising ), that would give me a nice warm feeling.
But I really don't feel I need meaningless compliments from people I've never met. I feel this is the way the world is going, everyone needing constant praise from others for not actually doing anything.
AIBU and a miserable cow?

seeking I kind of understand where you're coming from - these messages are sent with the best of intentions, with kindness and with the idea of being supportive. I guess what PPs are trying to say is that sometimes a bit of tough love can actually be more useful, than 'glossing over' a problem?

Personal example: I relapsed after four years of sobriety (alcohol). I had two people who told me I had to sort my shit asap, because of the car-crash my life had become the first time around. I had several others tell me not to worry, I was doing fine, I'd get it sussed in my own time, hell - one who even said I deserved a drink after four years without.

It was the first two who I knew in my gut to be right, as brutal as they were. I absolutely believe that the others meant no harm, and wanted to be kind and loving, but it was the 'telling it straight' that I needed. Does that make sense?

'But it's not supportive. No one should be 'supported' in giving coke in a sippy cup & chips to a 9 month old'

Well said. It seems to be the law as far as some are concerned - you must always be 'supportive' even when the other person is doing something bloody wrong headed and stupid. And you must never 'judge' I.e. use you intelligence and experience to form an opinion. It's so wet.

So I should just blithely applaud someone feeding their pre toddler Coke? And chips? And laughing about the doc or health visitor who told them not to do it? If I want a Coke or a maccy Ds I'm aware of the fact it's not good for me and that's an informed choice. A ten month old being fed Coke is shit parenting.

But mustn't judge! Yup, they know best. Poor fucking kid will probably need baby teeth extracting before they are five (and believe me, kids with a mouth full of rotten teeth at that age exist where I lived at the time.) fabulous parenting.

Sometimes social pressure can be a good thing. It's not ok to drink drive, or not use seat belts largely because social opinion has changed - the legislation alone didn't do it.
Yup, I'm judgemental. I judge shit behaviour. Smacking your kids in public, feeding them Coke in a sippy cup. These are basic things people KNOW aren't ok.

"So I should just blithely applaud someone feeding their pre toddler Coke? And chips? And laughing about the doc or health visitor who told them not to do it?"

No...you should come on to a parenting forum and foam self righteously about it.

I find Hun to be passive aggressive. As in " I told you how I wanted that done, Hun" said to me by my usually lovely boss.

i shall wipe the froth from my self righteous chops, climb off't'oss and go procure some Coke for little Mason then. Maybe some snus too, they are so orally fixated at this age.
Hun.

I'm judgey. I care not one whit. Giving babies Coke is shitty parenting.

Most of us muddle through, we are nowhere near perfect. I'm certainly not. But there are limits to blinding hunning away supporting other people's parenting choices. Bellowing swear words at them in Tesco, belting them round the head (fuck knows what goes on where people can't see) in public , smoking over the pram, Coke in a bottle. All shit parenting that should NOT be met with 'ur bubz ur rules.'

Yours, vexed of tunbridge wells, etc.

I've slapped my child in public.....after launching a scooter mid tantrum to land a millimetre from a landrover ...out of sheer panic and the kind of damage we'd be looking at, NOT the same as feeding a baby coke and driving around without seatbelts, the problem with judgemental people is they view things in black and white and dont think about context, ..this thread tis a bit sneery me thinks..

Most of us muddle through, we are nowhere near perfect. I'm certainly not. But there are limits to blinding hunning away supporting other people's parenting choices. Bellowing swear words at them in Tesco, belting them round the head (fuck knows what goes on where people can't see) in public , smoking over the pram, Coke in a bottle. All shit parenting that should NOT be met with 'ur bubz ur rules.'

Bloody hell.... all that because someone said to the OP that she was 'doing great' + hun.

I'm in agreement with usual and seeking. I can understand when 'support' is ill-advised or misinformed (as it was in my case), it is not particularly useful, but criticizing kindness doesn't make for a particularly pleasant world.

What point were you making Think when you picked the name Mason?
Something to think about...... there are woman who, in others eyes, don't make the right parenting choices for a whole raft of reasons. Your sneering jeering and ridiculing them on here just makes you sound like an arrogant cunt.

I am perfectly happy to label shitty parenting, in the same matter of fact I 'label' someone as being a brunette, or very tall or wearing glasses...it just is.

And, Hell yeah... I nearly judge myself into a coma sometimes.

usual Me too! I think it's called 'hope'!

Don't we all usual

Aww babes no your not being unreasonable but I just want you to know your doing a great job of whatever it is your doing/not doing and you should be so proud of that.
Well done Hun mwah luffs ya xxx

😳🔫

Hmm, I dunno, you can't have too many lol's 🤔

Can you ?

If you read what ThinkoftheMice said when she mentioned Mason and his sibling and the MaccyDs, it was a direct quote from a conversation she heard in a supermarket. Accordingly, I'd assume that she did not choose Mason, it was the baby's name.

And as for judging people who give babies Coke in a sippy cup, yes, me too.

Most of us muddle through. But there is some parenting that is just shit parenting.

It annoys me on here when someone makes a post that's several sentences long and people reply "You sound lovely". How do you know? It's such a weird comment to make IMO - especially as you know you're only getting one side of the story...

Black Mirror. Series 3. Episode 1. This is what is going to happen.