"Ur doing great hun"

[girlwithamoonandstaronherhead]

I'm on a couple of whatsapp groups with people I don't know, due to shared interests. I find them very useful, and the people very nice. But one thing really annoys me. If for example I ask for some advice (one of them is a parenting group), I will get some good advice, plus many fairly pointless messages along the lines of 'ur doing great', 'give urself a pat on the back' etc. These people don't know me, and have never met my kids, so I could quite feasibly not be doing great, and they wouldn't know.
I like genuine compliments, for example if someone in real life said, 'your kids are so well behaved, you're doing really well with them', or on whatsapp, 'your posts are so insightful, thanks' (btw no one has said either of these things to me, I'm just fantasising ), that would give me a nice warm feeling.
But I really don't feel I need meaningless compliments from people I've never met. I feel this is the way the world is going, everyone needing constant praise from others for not actually doing anything.
AIBU and a miserable cow?

^ ThinkOfTheMice!

Trouble is there is nothing one can do about it other than seethe...

yeah it happens lots here, too. People tell the OP that she sounds lovely, they accept her word about whatever's happened, they say that someone else must be a bitch, that of course OP was right, of course they'd be her friend, she sounds/looks great, etc. - nobody actually has any idea about that half the time! Maybe not quite as blatant without the 'hun', though!

Worra reminded me of the people who go around effervescing on Facebook photos. "OMG hunni, she's stunning. She'll be a model one day. Totally gorgeous." No, she's a newborn who'd be in the world 4 minutes when that photo was taken. Her head is squashed and she looks like a generic potato covered in blood and vernix. I mean, erm lovely baby!

Yes hate the Hun too.

but people post and people judge and no one really knows if the poster is lying or spinning or absolutely truthful so it's a judgment call to make.

As for the rest I kind of agree but still as women and especially mothers we are constantly judged and criticised so a bit of support is nice even from strangers.

I think many people have been supported on here through difficult times and dark times and you wouldn't be posting 'well we only have your word for all this' crap would you?'

crash

Agree that I cba with fake, automatic compliments...but not liking the snidey tone of this thread either.

Yeah, I hate the meaningless compliments and praise thing too - like whatever you do is correct because you're a mother. There's an advert for something (I think it's SMA 'follow on' milk) that says 'Mums - take it from us , you're doing great' and it totally boils my piss. One, because I don't need my parenting appraised by a sodding formula company and two, they've got no idea that people watching their advert are 'doing great' - they could be doing absolutely awfully! It's all just seems so vapid and bollocksy.

Ooops i'm quite guilty of adding Hun on a sentence or a x on a text, email, etc. I have learned my ways on MN not to do either on here.

Itshouldhavebeenjinglejess, the slogan should be "your doing great hun" or "your baby you know best" ...

They are just being friendly though, if they were being mallicious then i would be agrieved. Nothing wrong with being friendly. Maybe they have no one else to chat like they do on that group and they like the interaction?

Well you pays your money and you takes your choice, I suppose. Either you want the kind of place where people push rainbows up your arse and don't mean a word of it, or where people pour hot piss over your face and fully intend it all!

Sorry but this is driving me bat-shit crazy:
WHY HUN?!?!?
The word is a contraction of 'honey' and is therefore 'hon'.

'Hun' is a racist term in Northern Ireland, was a racist term in the English-speaking World for about 50 years until around the 1960s and originally referred to an unattractive marauding horde that invaded Eastern Europe from the North East from the 14th Century and changed the face of the continent forever.

Now it may be that people don't know any of that about the word 'Hun' but what are they using it for at all? It is meaningless. It is not related to any other English word. Or are to start abandoning conventional spellings holesayl and ghope owr ordiens haz the intelijens to work owt wot the phuk wi r trying 2 saigh.

...or are we...

When I was younger it wasn't honey, it was hunny.. Probably where Hun came from

Hunny I blame Winnie the Pooh...

This is what I hate about that patronising 'You're doing great' advert. Some people watching that advert will be doing the opposite of great. You don't automatically get a trophy for being a mum.

Also, huns piss me off massively. So dim.

Winnie the Pooh is probably the cause yes

The only time I do this is on FB groups to support mums who have struggled with breastfeeding and are persevering. I found it really encouraging at a tough time.

I don't know.
Its frustrating when people do it after someone says 'I am really worried about my DS. I fed him a jar of food and now the HV says I shouldn't. He is 2 weeks old. I am crying in case I hurt him. I didn't know'.
Then you get 100 people saying 'aww hun he'll be find. HV are stupid' 'you are the mum hun, you know what your lil man needs'

Because that is NOT what that person needs to hear. They don't need a MN pasting either. They need reassurance and decently advice.

But for a lot of women the 'huns' and 'you are doing gr8 babe' is the only positive input they get in their whole miserable lives.

Go and have a look on Mums Advice on FB if you doubt it. A lot of those women need a bloody good, real life, cuddle and some nice words but a few FB badly spelled responses will just have to do.

It doesn't happen that much on MN so at least there is somewhere to escape it. Its pretty much all over the rest of the internet (although I suspect the Dark Web is a bit light on 'luv u hun xoxox')

'This is what I hate about that patronising 'You're doing great' advert. Some people watching that advert will be doing the opposite of great. You don't automatically get a trophy for being a mum.'

So true and thank you for saying this. Parenting gets treated like some kind of higher calling by advertisers, and by society in general. It does no-one any favours

Give over they're just being nice. So what if someone's literacy skills are not as good as your own. Maybe if we were all a bit nicer to each other rather than judging each other for ridiculous things, like using the word Hun, the world would be a nicer place!

While I agree with everything said I should emphasise that the people on the groups I'm on aren't the 'feed ur kids McDonalds coz they're ur kids' types, they are very intelligent and have given me some great advice, this is why I find it annoying that they have to add the 'ur doing great' stuff. They are so nice I can even just about cope with the 'hun', just don't want vapid compliments! (Genuine ones, yes please, walk this way).
Perhaps I should try posting something like this, 'today little Alfie was asking too many questions so I locked him in the downstairs loo and left him with some boats to float in the toilet while I went outside for a spliff? Do you think that was OK? I just needed some me time' and see if I get a 'ur doing great' for that