To not punish my daughter for answering honestly/telling the truth (Father Christmas related)

[iProcrastinate]

To cut a long story short! My DD(7.5) hasn't believed in Father Christmas for a couple of years, we never made a big deal about this and I just let her make her own mind up. We still do a Santa letter, and leave out a mince pie with the stocking, that's tradition; and you'll struggle to find a kid who loves Christmas as much as she does! I won't bore you with why we don't make a big deal over it!

DD is under strict instructions NOT to go around telling other children that he isn't real. I don't think that she would, But she has also been taught that to lie is wrong......

So DD and her class have recently moved into Yr3 at school, so they share a play ground with the older kids. DD and a friend of hers were asked, by an older child, do they think Father Christmas is real. DD answered no. That night I got a furious message from the mother of the friend, saying that DD could have 'ruined their Christmases', but fortunately she has managed to 'repair the damage', and could I reprimand DD. I apologised but said that I would speak to her about this but not punish her. She answered honestly.

AIBU not to punish her? At what age do kids start questioning the Father Christmas thing? Surely it must be a hot topic of conversation at this age? DD can't be the only 7yr old out there who doesn't believe.

The other mum's reaction was a bit over the top, and I bet your dd's not the only one.

When I was a kid, I was taught that telling the truth was important, and that lying was wrong. At some stage though, I was also taught the concept of the 'white lie' and that it was ok to tell a white lie if it meant that being telling the truth would hurt someone else's feelings or cause some other problem. So if you thought someone's new clothes were revolting it was fine to say that you liked them, because they would be upset if you were completely honest.

Part of the joy of Christmas (IMHO) is that non-FC-believing children can join in and keep the magic going with the younger ones.

OP - perhaps your dd is now old enough to learn about white lies?

Unfortunately, this type of bat-shit behaviour is not unusual.

I remember a friend being very upset when my son told hers that there was no Father Christmas - and they were in secondary school! You just have to roll your eyes at some people.

What if I d really sad is that so many people think there is no "magic" if children don't believe in Father Christmas. I am pretty sure my 15 and 20 year olds don't believe in Father Christmas but we will still have stockings and a tree and all the lovely things. We will even keep an eye on Santatracker to see when friends across the world get their deliveries......

YANBU, she can't expect you to punish for it!

I'm shocked at how many people say their young children don't believe. My almost 10yo has just sussed it but loads of their friends still believe. I was also 9 when a teacher told our whole class do we all found out and we're all shocked. My 5 yo is totally in the zone! 7 is not old to believe at all in my experience

This thread is very interesting! So when older children know it's not true, they can still join in as a kind of game or magical fantasy type of thing?

It's a miracle that any religion has managed to keep going if beliefs are so fragile that the opinion of one 7 year old can cause them to crumble.

Kids know Father Christmas isn't real. That's why they can stop believing so easily.

Oh, I would have 'punished' my DD for sure.
With a massive hot chocolate topped with cream, marshmallows and a candy cane, for being such a clever independent thinker.

In my childhood we all stopped believing by the end of infants so around 7.

Your daughter sounds lovely. She answered the question honestly.

Some parents just want to keep 'the tradition' alive and well and do no favours to their children by such an overblown reaction.

What do you mean Father Christmas isn't real?!

Bat-shit is the word.

Talking to my mum this weekend about Christmas arrangements, she told me that SIL would probably turn down an invitation to ours because she is desperate for her two to keep believing in Father Christmas! I mean, like, WHAAAAAT??? Hers are 5 and 7, mine are 8 and 10, and the 10 year old has never really believed in FC, she is far too black and white and logical. I have said that she shouldn't go around telling everyone it's not real, but it's not a punishable offence! I just don't get why we all have to pretend to believe in fairy stories for it to be magical! In fact, it's the same as religion - why are we supposed to need fairy stories to make us all behave properly?

Grrrraaarrrrr!

If I were the other mother I would be annoyed with your dd. I wouldn't, however, send angry texts or expect to dictate a punishment to your dd

This exact thing happened to my son a few years ago.

I got an angry text from his friend's mum one day that my son, when asked outright, had told hers that he didn't believe in Santa.

I said 'Thanks for letting me know. I'll have a conversation with him about it.' Really I was thinking WTAF? And distanced myself from her from that point.

You would be annoyed with a 7 year old for saying, in the presence of another 7 year old and an older child that FC doesn't exist?? Really???

Other mum was ridiculous.
Fwiw my husband's family never did the whole FC thing, they just got presents from mum and dad.
Have often wondered if that caused issues in the playground and my dh says not!

You can't punish your daughter for telling the truth!!

The other mother is clearly batshit crazy. She'll go loopy when her kids find out there's no Easter Bunny or Tooth Fairy.

WTF? What a loon! The other mother, not you OP.

I knew Santa wasn't real before I started reception.

Didn't stop me enjoying Christmas. Kids play all sorts of make-believe games, they know they're not true really but that doesn't stop them playing along and enjoying them.

Yes I would. Imagine that. Someone who doesn't think the same as you!

I loved the whole fc thing with my dc. And I'd be annoyed that someone had brought that prematurely to an end.

I realise that's not the official MN Position though.

I wouldn't have said anything to the child or their mother. But I would have been annoyed.

I remember being scared at the thought of Santa when I was very small, but my older brothers made sure I knew the truth long before I started school. It was quite a relief to be honest.

Op I am a firm believer in keeping the magic going, and it makes me sad to read posts where because the poster never had they deny it to their DC. I also dislike other DC telling others he is not real, their parents told them.

But in these particular circumstances and at this age, its just the natural process of things. Its sort of how dc do find out - they hear it in the playground . Your dd sounds very sweet and in no way should she be reprimanded at all. I find it extremely cheeky the other parent felt it was OK to even text you about it!

this Christmas magic is so ridiculous

really parents that get so upset over the Christmas magic being ruined are ridiculous if it happens at 4 or 10 its going to happen at some point and some children have never been caught up in this so called magic and still Christmas is a special time

She's being ridiculous. Your daughter was asked a question, she answered! What more does she want?

I loved the whole fc thing with my dc. And I'd be annoyed that someone had brought that prematurely to an end.

How do you think they'll find out? If nobody tells them, it will always be 'premature'.

Of course Yanbu the other mum needs to find her grip the children have moved into the bigger playground the girl would have been told anyway the mum should have handled it herself silly woman,

Your DD answered honestly and that should definitely not be punished. Does the other mother imagine these are the only children to have that conversation at school? She may wish to perpetuate the fantasy but in KS2 your child is out in a wider world.