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AIBU?

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Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:
HarveySchlumpfenburger · 13/11/2016 21:13

Could you provide the evidence for 10 mins of occasional computer time being harmful to a child's development. I don't think I've read that study.

And colouring already wasn't an option. It's not like the ipad was preventing her from developing her motor skills. Unless the skill she was attempting to develop was a horizontal trajectory schema.

bumsexatthebingo · 13/11/2016 21:16

Can you show me anywhere I have said that 10 mins of Ipad use has any negative effects whatsoever???? I've said that if you use it to calm kids when they whinge they will whinge more and the amount of time it is used will creep up and up.

zizza · 13/11/2016 21:18

I don't think YWBU under the circumstances but, I'm going to sound really old now and feel like I'm channelling my mother, what do you think we did with children before all this screen technology? (Actually I can't remember what we did very clearly but we managed probably with a combination of books and cuddly toys)

MGFM · 13/11/2016 21:18

We start off with the colouring as we usually go to family friendly restaurants that provide pencils and paper but as he is only 18 months old he just ends up throwing them on the floor! Those who say in their day blah blah tell me, how do you reason with an 18 month old who can't talk?

SirChenjin · 13/11/2016 21:20

No it won't bum. We used tech with our DC in similar circumstances and they've grown up just fine without their use of tech creeping up or with them whingeing more to get that tech. Plenty of parents do the same.

buckeejit · 13/11/2016 21:20

Can't believe how many people are judgey about this. It was considerate of you to use the iPad for dd. We don't do it at home at the dinner table but definitely when out otherwise no one would enjoy their meal. Cant believe people expect v young children to sit quietly after a busy day. There'd probably be another thread if you'd let her have a meltdown.

elfycat · 13/11/2016 21:23

We have an absolute 'No electronic devices at the table' rule at home. However if we are lingering with drinks and chatting the DDs can ask to get down from the table (with the proviso that the second part of getting down from the table means leaving the room and not coming back to bug those still sitting).

We will be going away for 3 nights at Christmas, with my sisters and their families. I can guarantee that there will be a screen per child for the end of meals. Not for use while they are eating, but for while us boring adults finish the wine chat. Minecraft is the sin of choice Grin

I don't care if we're judged. They have different house rules and I'm not judging them for that. I will judge for judging but I love a good paradox.

Tallulahoola · 13/11/2016 21:23

Your child is not even 2, YANBU. At that age you do anything to avoid them having a meltdown on holiday. I would have done the same at that age. DD is 3 now, nearly 4 and will happily sit quietly with crayons so don't worry about it.

It's very possible that the woman didn't mean it though. It's just the sort of thing you say. I've taught DD to wait for the green man when we're crossing the road and when she sees someone crossing when it's red she gasps "That man is being naughty!" and I have to say "Yes, he's very naughty" and pray he can't hear me Blush

CocktailQueen · 13/11/2016 21:25

I think at age 2, there's not much else than an iPad that will shut them up. Conversation or colouring is more for older children. You were fine, it was ten minutes!

Bloody hell, Purple Picnic, wtf do you think parents did before iPads?? That is a ridiculous comment. You amuse your dc: talk to them, play with them, have some toys for them to play with.

Nofunkingworriesmate · 13/11/2016 21:27

We use gadgets at last resort as supposed to wingeing or running about
Funny how I was really snobby about it before I had kids ( also said I'd never feed my kids crisps or sugar )
Alternatives - fun aunties/ waiters
Going out for a distraction walk
Ice cream
Treat of no ice cream
Play hide the ( small plastic toy) on table
More ice cream
More wine for mummy do you care less

bumsexatthebingo · 13/11/2016 21:28

Well good for you SirChenjin but unfortunately for a lot of children I encounter/work with it's a different story. Unprecedented numbers of kids starting school with delayed speech, motor and social skills and emotional regulation issues. And kids in nursery and reception who simply don't know how to play with toys/each other unless Ipads are available.

teacher54321 · 13/11/2016 21:29

As with everything, it's a balance. a few minutes of peppa pig isn't going to delay speech development in a two year old. And as a PP said, how many of us have commented on this thread from our phones whilst Ignoring our children?! And yes iPads didn't exist when we were kids, but I know that if they had then people would have used them to entertain their kids without hesitation. Last year we had to endure a 4 hour long family meal with dh's side of the family at a totally adult orientated gastro pub with zero outdoor space. Ds was the only child there and was only 3 1/2. Yes we took colouring and toy cars and books and god knows what, but we also took paw patrol preloaded onto the iPad. We still took him to wander around the pub and to look at things but 4 hours?! That's a very long time to expect a not yet 4 year old to behave in a place with nowhere to run around and nothing child focused to do. I'm dreading this year's family meal which is at a similar venue...

Helipad · 13/11/2016 21:29

Why does this need to be so black and white? We use to use iPads during the restaurant dinners when DC were toddlers. Always with headphones or silent I may add. They are now 5 and 8 and are completely capable sitting through a meal without any electronics. We don't even take the iPads with us anymore.

On holidays they are allowed to take them to evening meals, means that we can have longer than normal dinner and leisurely finish our bottle of wine without any pestering.

elfycat · 13/11/2016 21:30

zizza we didn't go out for meals...

or at least not very often. But then people didn't, not like today. Going to the Zoo? Once a year back then. I went twice in the half term. Theme park? Once in never. Again, Legoland in the half term it was busy.

Meals out? I recall a few pub-on-a-Sunday-lunchtimes from my younger years. We never stayed in Premier Inn type places or hotels so entertaining us during mealtimes was rare (and there would be dire warnings if we misbehaved).

I only went to McDonald's in my teens. Pizza Hut type places - same.

I also hate when they offer to bring the kid's meals out early. WTF? Yes please feed my child so that they finish before we start and then plague us throughout our meal.

SirChenjin · 13/11/2016 21:33

I'm sure there are children like that bum - but equally there are many children for whom that isn't the case. Your pp asserted that it would result in more whingeing and more screen time as a result - I was pointing out that isn't the case for many families.

clumsyduck · 13/11/2016 21:33

Didn't judge before ds and don't now .

Ds has come along to meals and things like that with me since a baby and subsequently now me ds and dp . Have always packed things to entertain him particularly during the toddler years and if iPad and cartoons on YouTube was what it took to keep him entertained so be it would only be for 10 mins or so once he had started to get bored so I could finish my meal etc . I should certainly never be so rude as to comment so loudly about a perfect stranger over something so petty either

Yanbu

MaddyHatter · 13/11/2016 21:33

i don't think its unreasonable, but then my eldest (10) has Autism/ADHD, and IF we have to go a restaurant, we take his headphones and tablet because otherwise he is unable to sit still or quietly long enough for us to eat.

As it is, even WITH those, DH and I usually have to tag-team, and one of us will eat while the other focuses attention on DS and then we will swap.

Tallulahoola · 13/11/2016 21:37

Bloody hell, Purple Picnic, wtf do you think parents did before iPads?? That is a ridiculous comment. You amuse your dc: talk to them, play with them, have some toys for them to play with

Oh FGS. So there was never a day when your tired toddler didn't want to play with the toys you'd brought? Was your child always happy and willing to engage in conversation with you in a restaurant despite being younger than 2?

Chickoletta · 13/11/2016 21:38

I agree with her but wouldn't have said it.

Blaze6 · 13/11/2016 21:41

I wouldn't take it personally, if my three year old sees other children doing things I've said he can't do, no matter how harmless, I usually tell him it's naughty for the child to be doing it or that their parents shouldn't be letting them do it just to put him off the idea! At the end of the day it's your child who cares what she says or thinks!

SuperFlyHigh · 13/11/2016 21:45

I agree with bumsex this shouldn't be relied on all the time... However I do see how they can be useful for short bursts especially if child has finished eating and parents are still eating.

I think if anything parents need to pay attention to older kids using iPads when from eg 4/5 upwards presumably they should be able to colour, hold a conversation etc and not resort to iPads. I see older kids on iPads all the time though, like its a comforter.

When my brother and I were eg 5 upwards we talked, sat still, ate the meal and behaved and if not we were removed or spoken to sharply. We didn't fight though and although very occasionally there was as another poster said hissing came from parents, generally that didn't happen. Eating out was a big treat. We also went as far as I recall to fairly child friendly places but not super kid friendly.

As to how I was at 2-3 and under or up to 5 I have no idea or recollection, I don't recall eating out much (I do have a very cute photo of me sitting under a pub bench in a pub garden eating crisps aged 2!) so can't tell you whether I was an angel or not. My mother was very hands on though and quite patient. I'll ask her if she recalls what she did with me at those ages!

GabsAlot · 13/11/2016 21:45

so user people just coped then

i was taught to behave in a retsurant i dont even recall having to take a book with me i just done a i was told

bonbonours · 13/11/2016 21:45

I definitely don't think it's unreasonable for 2 year old to be entertained by an tablet but I do think you shouldn't have the sound on (or should use headphone) partly because of irritating other guests and partly because of the exact problem you found, that other kids will hear and want to watch.

I agree that there is no difference between playing on a tablet and playing with a toy/colouring/reading a book. My kids read books on their tablets, play games, colour in on screen etc. I DO see a difference however when a tablet is used as a TV, as that is a totally passive activity, compared with game or similar that requires them to actually do something. I remember when one of my kids was in Reception a girl in her class told me she'd got a tablet. I asked her what she used it for as I'd just bought a kids tablet full of educational games and ebooks for my child. She said, "watching Peppa Pig". I thought, "that's a bit pointless then."

I have nothing against TV per se, but in our house it was always something that was switched on with permission and regulated. I don't like the idea that a small child with a tablet has TV freely available as much as they want.

bobgoblin23 · 13/11/2016 21:48

I used to wear big judgey knickers on this subject, never did I let DS watch TV on our phones when out. We didn't event have/need an iPad or other tablet. I would look around and feel a little smug when there were tables full of families with transfixed children, eyes square and fingers hovering over the screen. Parents talking to each other, eating, drinking wine and smiling.

Then when he was old enough to string a sentence together and say what he wants - I had to listen. Or punish myself? Not always is it allowed and never for the whole duration, but my god - if it means I can eat my overpriced salmon while it's still luke warm then bring it on. Chill your boots 'other lady'!

MissSeventies · 13/11/2016 21:58

My gut feeling with this one is that the comment was very much intended for you to hear, which I feel was incredibly rude. It is something that I would do myself in that situation. My parents never did, but then who was lugging around a cathode ray TV and a VHS in those days ;-) . Incidentally when I was a kid (90s) I had a school friend whose parents would not let them watch TV, Sky or Videos, no internet when it arrived only a reel to reel in the house. He was the wildest kid at school and went on to drop out of uni, my siblings and I had all of the above were goody two shoes and did post grad or went into good careers. Of course it could have worked the other way around (and I am not saying we are all saints), but I added this because I wanted to make the point that there are more factors at play than a bit of TV in how a child turns out.