Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

[Alexandriaaaa]

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

I think she was rude. I'd have probably stuck two fingers up at her, but I'm a bit intolerant of judgmental fuckers.

"I was more wondering if it was generally frowned upon."

You can't be serious.

• of course it is generally frowned upon to have tech at the table instead of sharing a meal properly

• of course it is entirely reasonable on occasion to do whatever gets you through the night with a small child

you're both right. Get over it

It's not something I'd do, and I'd probably say similar to mine by way of explanation for why a child at another table was allowed to watch Peppa Pig during a meal but they weren't. I guess for me you had chosen to take the iPad to dinner with you, so in some way it was already accepted rather than a last resort that happened to be there.

Mine are now 4 and 7 and we eat out fairly regularly (most weekends at home, and most days when we're away, have done since they were tiny). Mine have always had a little backpack with stickers, toys, colouring etc that they only get whilst out so the things in it have novelty value. As PP's have said I don't have an answer for why I find this more acceptable than an iPad, but I do for some reason. When they were very little and got fed up we would take it in turns to take them for a little walk between courses etc, again I don't know why i find this more acceptable than an iPad.

At the end of the day I'm generally not that bothered by what other parents choose to do as I'm sure there are plenty of other things that I do with mine that are frowned on by others. If it worked for you I really wouldn't worry too much. I'm sure the other mother wasn't directing her comments at you, she was more than likely wrangling her own child and trying to reinforce her own family rules.

Did no one else have to suffer the sheer hell that was 'The Children's Room' when your parents went out? If there was no children's room me and dsis usually sat in the car. Ah, the good old days.

I think one difference between colouring books and iPad is that a child will grow out of wanting to colour at the table but gadgets grow with them and can be more absorbing.

We go out to dinner a lot, and when the kids were younger we used to let them play games on our phones (with the sound off) while we waited for our meals. We were also usually eating later than normal.

It kept the kids quiet, and was convenient for us as well as respectful of other diners, rather than having restless noisy kids.

These days the kids are older and we don't allow the devices at restaurants before meals.

Use them if they work, I reckon. I'd say, go right ahead if you have a noisy baby, because it is respectful of other diners and the restaurant staff too. But consider stopping the "devices at restaurants" once the kids are old enough to sit still and hold a conversation.

As far as the other woman saying what she did out loud, yes that was a bit rude. They're fine to have their own rules, but she did rub your nose in it a bit!

You were unreasonable to have the sound on IMO. Having recently sat through a meal when the table behind us were FaceTiming very loudly it is annoying.

When my own DD was that age there were no tablets so I had a bag stuffed with magazines and crayons. She is older now and allowed to play with a game device to stop her butting in to the conversation when we are out with adults and she is the only child. She does put it away when she is eating though, but it is handy to keep her occupied during boring conversations between adults. Absolutely no sound though!

What about if it is colouring on an iPad?

Your child your meal your evening your choice - lots of people have different table etiquette that suit them and theirs don't see what the big deal is .....

I had my children pre iPads, and we kept them busy at the table by playing games, singing rhymes, patacake, peepo etc.

Even more annoying to other diners.

i'm not sure which example of crap parenting is worse.

tablets at the table, or letting a small child run around a restaurant, getting under servers feet and irritating other customers.

Oh.. actually.. yes i am, the latter.

I'd much rather see your child playing quietly at the table on a tablet, than be having to nicely tell them to piss off away from my table because you think its cute to let them run around the tables...

But then i remember a thread on here where people apparently thought that was also fine...

Agree with everything mother said.

Big age gaps between my children. Oldest: tablets not invented, youngest: uses tablet freely since little.

I would also give an arm for a tablet when keeping small ones occupied in a restaurant. (At home it's no phones or tablets at the table, but that's because there's no waiting around and no time to kill).

Is totally fine. Other woman very rude.

I love all the "e don't allow the iPad as it's rude" posts that then say "our children get colouring and books to entertainment at dinner/restairants"

The iPad is the 21st century books/colouring!

Young children do need to learn to sit still - but they aren't goitn to magically learn it by just sitting doing nothing. They are learning to entertain themselves ny learning to engage in something without adult help.

is it just me, or am i the only one who thinks tablets are better than colouring/toys?

I seem to remember playing 400 card fucking pick up with crayons, toy cars, dummies, and anything else my kids could get their hands on.. before they got bored and then started the escapologist impression.

Give them a tablet, they stay there, quietly, for aaaaaages.

My younger self would have said "how rude, iPad at table - teacing a child bad manners". My older self says "ooh goody, they're keeping a child I don't want to hear quiet". And I think, poor sods, rather them than me, looking forward to seven hours peaceful sleep tonight. Been there done that, their turn.

It's different because:

• watching "the idiot box" (as my father used to call it) is not as mentally stimulating as conversation or colouring
• it's seen as "lazy parenting" to rely on a device rather than engaging with your child
• kids these days cannot seem to survive without their devices. They don't rely on their imaginations, manners or patience

You asked what others would have done if their child didn't want to colour or engage in chit-chat. The problem is every child is different and it's apparent that because you see nothing wrong with the iPad at the dinner table, she's accustomed to you giving it to her if she says no to coloring or chit-chat. Other parents, like the mother you mentioned in your OP, don't allow it so their child is aware that they don't get the option and therefore sticks with the options they ARE permitted.

It's a sad indictment of our society really. Think about how many adults (not just kids) cannot survive without their devices, without the internet, without gadgets and what not... and this is how it starts. I'm bored, entertain me by giving me a device.

Applying the "move with the times" nonsense to this situation is just that, nonsense. Kids do not NEED an iPad at the dinner table, it has nothing to do with "the times". I agree that with technology as it is we do need to move with the times with respect to knowing our kids will want it, will use it, will need to be taught safe use of it and soon we'll be dinosaurs with no idea how to use them. That doesn't mean however that basic manners or decency go out the window. It doesn't mean that kids don't need to learn to spell because they have Google, or learn basic math because their phones have a calculator. There are some things, like patience and sitting nicely, that do not need to "move with the times".

And yes, if you do continue to do it (which is your choice as a parent), then please get her headphones.

I think the comments from the woman on the other table were out of line if you were meant to hear them. She could have been pissed off though, the sound on the tablet was loud enough to keep her son interested, so who knows. There's always two sides to every story.

As far as having a tablet at a table, why not. It gave you a few minutes peace to finish your meal. The only issue I'd have is the volume. If ds has his tablet after the meal has finished the sound is turned to mute or he doesn't go on it. He's fine with that. It does annoy me when I can hear the tinny sounds coming from any device.

i asked my mom about this once.. she just replied "we didn't take you to restaurants until you were old enough to sit and behave." then said she didn't recall ever really seeing children under 10 out as people didn't take their kids... and if they did, the kids were given a bottle of pop and a bag of crisps and told to play outside.

Meh fuckit - course you aren't BU! It's a part of childhood and living life and growing realising that different people have different rules - I clearly remember my friend Shelley in juniors being allowed bubblegum and I wasn't...I just accepted it. I really couldn't give a shiny shit about what people think of me / my parenting. Don't give it a second thought...I'm sure they'd have judged if she was whiny and restless too. Can't win!

I don't 'need' a car or a dishwasher but I have them.

The world has changed. There is no intrinsic merit in avoiding technology. The anti arguments read like something written by the Luddites.

And when I was a kid, I was left in the car with a bottle of pop and a packet of crisps.

But somehow having your child sitting at the table watching a video on the iPad is worse.

What a nonsense argument.

Dd does colouring on the iPad, thus saving trees and urm the environment from crayon production.

Smug

(In all seriousness dd is disabled and restaurants can very suddenly turn into a nightmare. I thank the techy gods everyday for the invention of the iPads and headphones, it enables us to do things we probably couldn't have years ago)

It's perfectly acceptable for her to say that to her child. 'Her rules are different to yours and that's fine.

I don't bring an IPAD but do bring - sticker books, play dough, card games....and all kinds if bits and bobs to restaurants. it's nice for adults to get to enjoy the meals they are paying for too! I suppose it is not really much different than having them watch peppa pig but I've certainly never suffered rude comments as a result.

Meh - do what works for you OP...opinions are like assholes and all that.