Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

[Alexandriaaaa]

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

It is fine to have an opinion but not fine to utter it aloud. Manners are important.

Well, she wasn't wrong to have an opinion on how she likes to do things, and there is nothing wrong at all with having a rule for your own family that there are no iPads at the table.

But TBH, yes, I do think she was wrong to say that the OP shouldn't be doing it, because it's entirely her opinion and it is no more right or wrong than the OPs opinion.

I can only imagine that the other mother's conversation was so bloody dull that the child was desperate for something interesting to listen to.

Yes indeed, Treaclesoda.

The problem with the waiting for conversation to come in when they are 7 or 8 is that if they learn early on that a device exists to entertain them when out then they may skip the laborious chore of talking when out!

We do let our kids have devices. But it is an uphill battle at times to get them off the and I would say to any parent the more you can limit it, the more you can help them to learn to find entertainment the better.

My only rider to this is as the OP's example it is very hard when you have only one child present. It is easier with more kids, eg eating with relatives or friends.

I am not judging the OP I am answering her question .

User - 😂

My dd is chatty chatty chatty and I too could not chat continuously with her for an hour and a half over lunch her subjects are limited to food, dinosaurs, trains and princesses 👸 it's 45 mins tops

We have had comments about ds sat there with 2 tablets - one for playing a game and one for telling us about the game (it is an AAC device). Without his talker we wouldn't understand most of what he is saying and without the iPad our meal would last approximately 7 minutes and we would never go out as a family!

People should mind their own business, and stop worrying about what the family at the next table is up to.

I am a bit sniffy about older kids all sitting their on iPads and their phones round a table.

But DS was a complete sit-down-to-eat refusenik when he was small, so we never went out to eat.

He lived chatting - had a huge vocab from 18m, but sit still in a restaurant? He just wasn't interested in food and home or out, once he was no longer hungry, he was ready for the off. He wasn't even interested in ice cream / cake etc once he was no longer hungry.

So, in your circumstances, I would have turned to an iPad.

Other parents are always doing stuff you don't do and vice versa.

Being vocally judging is TERRIBLE manners.

P.S My DS now eats out enthusiastically, a wide range of adventurous food, and talks, chats, discusses on any subject that comes up. For the people who say 'but if you don't teach them to behave in restaurants how will they ever learn?'.

Maybe I agree tteackesoda there are ways of phrasing things a d that was quite rude of her. I am guessing she was caught on the hop as her was clearly jealous of the op's daughter!

Here the rule I use. During eating time at the table no devices. After we have eaten (or if I'm still eating or having a drink) then mine has been allowed one since she was 3. She is now 7. I'm a single mum so I use whatever means necessary to have some peace . I use quiet apps or she has to have her headphones on. Each family can make their own rules, you make yours and don't give a shit what anyone else thinks or obnoxiously says loudly

"It is fine to have an opinion but not fine to utter it aloud. Manners are important."

Couldn't agree more. You have to teach that there are different rules in different houses. Otherwise you bring up your children to judge on really arbitrary bases.

I find a lot of people put kids stuff on tablets and phones and think it doesn't bother other people, but it can do whether you think so or not.
Noise o f other diners is one thing, noise of kids cartoons or games with annoying music and crashing noises is entirely different.

Haven't people heard of headphones? Why would you think people in restaurants would want to have to listen to Peppa Pig?

We occasionally resort to an I pad. It is reserved for tired and whingey times only. We also take other toys and colouring etc. I am surprised at how many people are judgemental about it. I don't see it as a big deal at all personally.

I also think those with more than one child forget how much they entertain each other - DS is not hard to entertain if we eat with other children - friends or relatives.

I don't like doing it but have let DD watch peppa on my phone I think twice now whilst at a meal. She is 3yo and last month when we went on holiday id paid for the food and DD had eaten and then like you say, wanted to get down and run around and after a long day wouldn't be distracted with books etc. I just wanted to eat my meal and get out of there so yes I let her watch one episode while I finished my tea, and chatted to her about the episode as she watched it. I felt self conscious but also just very tired

I do this too - it's a very occasional thing, but if it means a few mins of peace so that I can have a chat and finish my meal, then so what? If dd is behaving and not disturbing others, all well and good, no kindle. We can chat with her, play or give her some paper for drawing/colouring etc (some restaurants are very good at providing stuff like this for littlies). But if not, I would use anything available that meant she was occupied while we try to enjoy our time out. DD can be reasoned with sometimes if she starts having a meltdown, but not always. I'm pretty sure that any snobbery from others involving a toddler watching an episode of peppa pig or playing a cbeebies game etc etc would dissolve pretty rapidly if mine, yours or anyone else's kid suddenly started screaming, tantruming and causing fuss while people were dining. My God, as a parent you're damned if you do and you're damned if you don't. Yanbu. She took a snapshot and judged.

Each family can make their own rules, you make yours and don't give a shit what anyone else thinks

Here is the problem exactly: you think its fine to play kids tv in restaurants and you don't give a shit about disturning other people. Your kids your rules is fine, in YOUR house, not in a shared space!

It's just one thing in isolation though isn't it? For example I'm very relaxed about use of iPads etc yet there are no TVs in the bedrooms in our house because I class those as a Bad Idea. Loads of people are quite happy with a TV in the bedroom but don't allow iPads. Neither they nor I are wrong, we just have different priorities. It's fine. As long as we are bringing our children up to have respect for others and be honest and compassionate, does any of it matter all that much?

Treaclesoda dh and I, when ds was little, always broached it as a 'hope we get lucky, see how it goes" thing. We never took ds to expensive restaurants so if we got through half our meal and had to leave (happened once) yes we abandoned it if books or soft toys didn't do the trick. I used to have a bag with a few toys that we only used when we were out to keep them 'new' to ds. Better that than bothering everyone.

I used to hate how the server brought out ds meal first, because then he would be done so early. Finally told servers to bring everything out at once so we could all finish on time.

I do so agree though that I would never say anything personal like she did, though. If anything I'd say 'no that's not for us'. I think slagging off what others do in public sounds like they are insecure.

Colouring is actually really good for developing kids attenton, fine motor skills etc. Bashing away on an Ipad screen or watching Peppa isn't the same. I'm not suggesting kids shouldn't learn how to use technology at school but they won't just be watching Peppa - they will actually be learning.
I suggest you read the research op and see if you still feel the same. Excessive screen time leads to behavioural and attention issues.
As a one off it wouldn't be harmful but the problem is that when you whip an Ipad out as soon as kids start fussing they know exactly what they need to do to get the Ipad and if you are prepared to let them have it whenever they whinge the amount of time will creep up.
Like I said I agree with the other woman's opinion but not the rude comments. I would have just said different parents have different rules and left it at that.

We used iPads when the Dc were younger (3-5). I remember well those awful meals out before that where one parent had to be outside with the DC to calm them and the other eating on their own.

We let them have them as a last resort, which makes for a more pleasant doing experience for everyone. Now they are 9 and 6 they are quite capable to sit, draw, chat and engage and no gadgets needed.

I don't judge people for doing what suits their family

10 minutes watching Peppard Pig is hardly 'excessive screen time' - nor does the OP make a habit of it at meal times.

Peppa even!

The woman was rude to say that within earshot and to be so rude about you full stop.

We have resorted to phone or iPad a few times.

I think there's a massive difference between using it at the end of a meal to stem a tired tantrum and having it on with headphones from the moment they sit down.

The reason it's different from playing with parents etc is that it often means the child will stop interacting as iPads and TV are hypnotically absorbing, and meal times are traditionally social occasions. That's why we only use it as a last resort.

As I said it's not the 10 mins that's the issue. It's the using the Ipad as a dummy. It soon becomes child is whingey when out and about - Ipad. Child is whngey in the car - Ipad. Kids learn that they whinge and they get the Ipad because the parents are embarassed or it's easier than dealing with it. Look around you and the majority of kids in restaurants, on buses etc are sat on an Ipad. Games like I-spy, 20 questions or just having a conversation to distract children are really good for cognitive development yet few to bother anymore as they can just hand their kids an Ipad/smartphone for instant quiet.
It is no coincidence that huge numbers of children have problems with behaviour, social skills, speech, emotional regulation etc since the widespread use of smartphones and Ipads.
I'm not saying they shouldn't be used but they shouldn't be overused or relied upon for calming children.

DD, 3, sits beautifully in a restaurant - with an iPad to keep her amused, Without it she can be an absolute nightmare. Yes I am all in favour of the family sitting around and eating and discussing the day's events but doing this at home compared to in a restaurant is two different things. In a restaurant DD is going to want to get up, investigate and play and will definitely kick off if she keeps being told to colour in, sit still or read a book. Yes we will do all that for as long as this keeps a 'lid on her' but when she grows bored with this the iPad gets brought out.

I'm sure other diners would appreciate having their dinner in peace if it means my child eats one meal in front of an iPad. So I a nutshell OP YADNBU.