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AIBU?

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Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 13/11/2016 20:30

Randytortoise Re "What's the difference between reading books and colouring and reading stories on ipad and using a painting app? Genuine question not being goady."

Well, in my opinion as mum to a 6 and 12 year old who it is almost IMPOSSIBLE to get away from their devices the world of the screen is a very personal space and the kids get way too absorbed in it. They might forget to eat or simply ignore the adults or other kids.

Drawing or whatever rarely seems to have this effect IMHO. Computer screens often come with sound so either intrude or mean that the child as to wear some sort of headphones or ear piece which effectively cut them out of the conversations.

We generally say that they make conversation or do drawing before eating and after all food is done if they have a tablet or phone and the adults want to carry on talking then devices are fine.

Nicpem1982 · 13/11/2016 20:31

**What kind of conversation are you going to get out of a two year old?

My dd would ask really loudly why the people on the next table we're talking so loud over peppa pig 🐷

treaclesoda · 13/11/2016 20:32

We didn't eat out much when I was little but I do remember resorting to reading the wine list over and over, or the ingredients on the sachet of sauce (if we were somewhere casual that had that sort of thing), or the specials board etc so I don't think that a generation ago children were magically able to sit and entertain themselves with their own thoughts.

Huldra · 13/11/2016 20:32

Before smart phones we had to depend on the biggest know it all at the table to answer questions like what was that film, who was the drummer in Pulp, what are the 5 countries with the largest land mass.

Smartleatherbag · 13/11/2016 20:33

"How dare you use it an ipad to amuse a child for 10 minutes"
sent from my iPhone while ignoring my kidsGrin

Eminybob · 13/11/2016 20:33

I honestly wouldn't take it personally, she was doing it to stop her DS wingeing, it wasn't a dig at you. Different families have different rules. I would like to think she knows that as much as you do.

She was probably jealous that she had a wingeing child and you had a quiet one but didn't want to break her stance.

Huldra · 13/11/2016 20:33

We end up using smart phones at the table quite a bit Grin

Original poster
Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 20:33

I'm not going to pretend I know much about the science behind an ipads effect on brain development etc.

However, I do know that DDs nursery uses them for kids aged 2 and up. Not regularly, from time to time for certain activities. The manager told me, if it was up to her the nursery would not use them, but the Care Inspectorate are pushing it on them because they believe it to be important learning for the future. DH works in this field and he backed that up.

Can't be all bad then?

OP posts:
golfbuggy · 13/11/2016 20:33

My youngest is nearly 11, so maybe guidelines have moved along ... but I thought it was advised that under 2s didn't watch screens anyway? Before you all jump on me, yes my 2nd child watched loads of screens under the age of 2, as her brother was watching them, but this seems to be OP's only child, so is a bit worrying that she is already so iPad dependent.

TowerRavenSeven · 13/11/2016 20:33

Generally frowned upon? It was yes for us. If ds kicked up we got a to go container or abandoned the meal, paid & left quickly.

user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:34

But all these arguments against ipads I can see for a 7 or 8 year old, or older. They can engage in more or less meaningful conversation or read the menu a book.

But a two or three year old? Who can't read or make conversation??

What the hell are you supposed to do? Sit and stare at each other? Sing ring a ring a roses 15 million times?

treaclesoda · 13/11/2016 20:34

But the woman made it personal when she told her son that the OP was in the wrong. If she'd just said 'no, we don't do that' it would be very different.

peachesandcreamdream · 13/11/2016 20:34

She was a dick.

It's a means to an end sometimes.

Love it when the perfect parent brigade come out to tell people they are being unreasonable 😴🙄

user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:35

answer questions like what was that film, who was the drummer in Pulp, what are the 5 countries with the largest land mass

Again, doesn't work for a pre schooler

treaclesoda · 13/11/2016 20:37

Why should you abandon your meal though if you have a good way of keeping your child occupied whilst you finish it? Eating out is expensive, it's wasteful (of both money and food) to just abandon it half way through.

CrowyMcCrowFace · 13/11/2016 20:38

But why is 'doing something on an iPad' somehow different from 'colouring in a paper book'?

My dc quite often accompany me out to dinner/drinks with teaching colleagues on a Thursday evening (our end of week here).

What they're usually doing on their iPads is their homework. Or watching YouTube videos or gaming.

They are quiet, occupied & allowing adults to enjoy their evening.

I don't allow anything which impacts on other people in the venue - so headphones.

But they are out with me so I can have a pleasant evening, not for their own entertainment. So - as far as I'm concerned it's reasonable for them to do something they find diverting & which doesn't irritate other people.

It would seem rather miserable to remove their techy stuff just so that they can be occupied in a manner approved by other families - if someone can produce an argument that 'colouring in' is a worthier activity, intrinsically, than 'getting my maths hw done' or 'using an iPad colouring app' or 'reading on the kindle app' or indeed 'watching Peppa Pig' I'd be interested to discuss it, but from my POV it comes across as rather Luddite tbh.

Italiangreyhound · 13/11/2016 20:38

I guess the answer to what conversation you get out of a child is largely dependant on what you put in. Also the habit of filling all 'boring' moments with screen time is children might lose the ability to entertain themselves! They also may be hindered in developing the internal life, which as we age become more important to some of us. Also children *could find they lose some of the ability to converse or to know when that is expected.

Finay lots of noise like tv can hinder language development in kids apparently.

Italiangreyhound · 13/11/2016 20:41

treaclrsida the other woman had an opinion. Is that so terrible?

Lovelyideas · 13/11/2016 20:42

The other woman's comment is awful parenting.

As said above
"However in my house Poor Form is passing loud and rude comment on other peoples' private lives."

SirChenjin · 13/11/2016 20:42

It's weird that tech is still frowned on so much. I'm ancient and remember the utter tedium of having to sit through a long meal
so as far as I'm concerned it's everything in moderation. Except rude comments about other people's parenting when it's doing you no harm - then you zip it.

user1479065482 · 13/11/2016 20:42

But but but my TWO year old is pretty fucking monosyllabic (and before you get all "oh you're not putting enough in" he's actually biligual and therefore still sorting out what words fit with what language)

If I had to spend an hour in a restaurant attempting to glean tidbits about his day I would shoot myself in the face after 15 minutes.

GeorgeTheThird · 13/11/2016 20:43

Different families make different choices about screens in this sort of situation. Where I do think you were in the wrong though was in not insisting on headphones. Screens should only ever be used in public places with headphones to minimise the disruption to others. And if you didn't have any, one of you should have taken her out rather than putting the programme on.

Huldra · 13/11/2016 20:43

user I was making a light hearted comment about how using a smart in restaurants isn't always passive. I dont for one minute think a two year old is interested in 90s bands.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 13/11/2016 20:43

The children who are distracted by someone else's iPad are presumably those for whom it's a novelty? Mine would barely notice another child using a tablet. Really surprised at this treaclesoda. My kids are older and they all magnetically attract to anyone who has the screen out.

Helliecopter · 13/11/2016 20:44

I think it's bothered you precisely because it's not what you would usually do and you only did it out of desperation…and consideration for other people. Quiet toddler vs whinging kid? I know what I'd prefer!

Agree that it was more about her and her child than you - sounds like she was giving him the explanation she always does, to reinforce her parenting rules. I've probably used that one myself when mine have pestered me for something on the phone/ipad. But then I've also given in to 10 minutes of Peppa to get a meal down me!

As seems to be the general opinion, I thinkscreens are a 'no' when the family are all out together unless needs must - like at the end of the meal to keep them occupied or whatever.