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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:
Rainbunny · 14/11/2016 17:55

She was incredibly rude and the irony of someone being utterly ill-mannered enough to criticise another person's parenting would no doubt have been lost on her.

ilovechocolate07 · 14/11/2016 17:56

She's 2, it's fine!

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 14/11/2016 17:56

I think some people are forgetting what it's like to have a 2 year old when having to eat out (especially when not out of choice), unless your child is particularly quiet. 2 is a hard age full stop. If it meant you got to eat your meal I think it's absolutely fine and the woman was rude to say it in that haughty kind of fashion.

WLF46 · 14/11/2016 17:58

She was just trying to teach her child manners in the way that she thinks is right. She thinks it's rude to watch a video during a meal, and she was right to explain to her child why she would not let him. I'd be more concerned if she said "no" to her child with no explanation as to why.

You raise your kids your way, and let other people raise theirs how they choose. As you admit, you don't think that she thought you would overhear, so it's not as though she was trying to be rude to you.

AbernathysFringe · 14/11/2016 17:59

Maybe it was a bit ambitious to try a sit down meal after such a tiring day and you should have gone for room service?

I'm not a fan of screen time for very young children but can understand why you resorted to it in that situation. She had to say something to her child and it's hard to say 'we don't do that' to your child without insulting the people that DO do that, I guess. Who cares, though? It's a stranger.

EveOnline2016 · 14/11/2016 18:00

On rare night out I research the least child friendly places possible.

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 14/11/2016 18:01

Criticising other parents loudly in public is definitely bad manners. You were hardly committing a terrible act against your child, just trying to eat your meal ffs. And those saying each to their own and there's nothing wrong with what that person thought about a child watching TV at the table, well there was as they didn't keep their opinion to themselves.

MyGiddyUncle · 14/11/2016 18:04

I'm not a fan of ipads/phones at the table either and have never let my two (6 and 8) do it.

IMO there's a difference in using screens to relieve boredom of the child and to make them behave, for the adults sake.

I don't mind using them as tools to relieve boredom...we recently had a 12 hour car drive and after the first couple of hours, they were a Godsend for the dc. In the queues at DLP...then 3 year old ds2 had my phone quite a few times. You can't explain to a 2 year old why they have to stand in a line for 40 minutes and he was incredibly bored.

At a restaurant though...no, not for me. There's plenty they can do...they can eat their own food, do colouring in, interact with the adults there. I honestly feel that the kids that get used to having a screen at every dining-out experience from 2 onwards are probably the ones that have trouble behaving in restaurants at age 6/7 +.

myfavouritecolourispurple · 14/11/2016 18:05

I share her view - very bad manners at any age IMO to have electronic devices at the table and a very difficult habit to break TBH

How do you know it's a hard habit to break? Kids grow up. They learn to sit still. They learn to chat. They learn a bit of patience if they've finished their meal and their parent hasn't. As I mentioned further up, my son got his first "screen" when he was 6. He used it from time to time when we went out for meals (as well as having books or colouring). He's now 14 and can go out for a meal and converse politely. Funnily enough, he doesn't need that extra entertainment anymore.

I'm not sure about screen time for a 2 year old but 10 minutes isn't worth getting your knickers in a twist over. Having the volume up is though because that affects others.

5moreminutes · 14/11/2016 18:06

Megan I also had 2 of my children before the existence of iPads... I am not guessing about the dark ages, I just don't have rose tinted nostalgia glasses - and I'm not the only one on the thread who had toddlers pre iPads and doesn't think parents or children were Better then Hmm

bumsexatthebingo · 14/11/2016 18:07

People who are talking about 10 mins are acting like the op never uses the Ipad at other times. Like a pp said if the op has taken it with her chances are she was expecting to need it. If you can't placate your kid for 10 mins in a restaurant then that isn't going to be the only time. How about a cranky child on public transport, cranky in the car, those chores that need doing. The vast majority of kids will sit entranced which is obviously a lot easier for the parent. But that's the problem - they are so absorbed that they don't learn to deal with the real world. They don't learn that sometimes you have to wait and it isn't particularly fun. That sometimes you feel upset but there are lots of things you can do to help you feel better. How to interact with other people, how to hold a pencil and develop the muscles in your hands rather than mashing your hand into a screen to draw pictures. Maybe it is easier not to encourage those things. But easier doesn't mean developmentally better for kids. Maybe the op does use the Ipad very infrequently but if I saw a 2 yr old sitting in a restaurant watching Peppa I would judge and assume that that was the norm any time the child was a bit difficult. The poster who said that they give the Ipad to avoid the kids harassing them made me feel quite sad. It is only since we've had these electronic babysitters that kids being kids and trying to interact and maybe even being a bit difficult constitutes harassment.

Rowenag · 14/11/2016 18:08

iPads have games and activities on them, they are modern day books. A two year old would be bored sitting there without stimulation unless you gave her something to distract her. And why shouldn't you enjoy yourself on holiday having your meal too? People need to chill out. I do this regularly once my DD has finished eating as it makes the experience of going out for a meal fun for everyone. I also don't give a monkeys what anyone else does or thinks! Don't let her view make you question yourself.

user1475439961 · 14/11/2016 18:08

I don't mind things like that. If my two year old was being a pickle at the table then I would give her an ipad. What is the harm in that? You've said yourself you don't allow her to play on it all the time, you interacted with her and you just wanted to finish your own meal. That is the perfect time to bring out peppa pig!

MyGiddyUncle · 14/11/2016 18:09

Kids grow up. They learn to sit still. They learn to chat. They learn a bit of patience if they've finished their meal and their parent hasn't

They won't just 'click' and go from zero patience to full length meal patience though.

How does a child learn patience at a dining table if they've never had to experience it?

MyGiddyUncle · 14/11/2016 18:09

Or never had to practice it being more accurate.

jayne1976 · 14/11/2016 18:10

Can totally see this is not your preferred method on an everyday, so not like your child is going to think its normal, and you did it so you and the other dinners could eat without a two year old tantrum. I haven't used them in uk restaurants as simply wouldn't have carried it around, but would have quietly done so on holiday (after colouring bit of flap books etc had run their course), as far more peaceful for all than an upset two year old. You need to go on holiday to recharge, and your child will quickly forget out of context that they were allowed to do this - no harm done!

Marynary · 14/11/2016 18:15

Marynary- it is a hard habit to break (sounds like OP doesn't do it as a matter of course) particularly at an early age. I begged my sister not to get dvd player for the car, now they can't travel anywhere without it on. My brother literally plugs his children in- earphones, individual DVDs- when they go anywhere. Crying shame- his children don't really chat.

How old are the children now? I'm sure that they can travel without it. My children watched DVDs in the car on long journeys but that doesn't mean they expected to watch something on every journey.

5moreminutes · 14/11/2016 18:15

Marie you begged your sister not get get a DVD player for the car? Hmm seriously? Presumably she told you to mind your own business and strop being so over invested in her parenting?

We had a dVD player for the car at one point - we sometimes do 13 hour drives (not including ferry crossing). We only used it on journey of over 3 hours. It was useful. It broke. We didn't replace it. One of the kids asked about it on the next long journey but accepted it was broken. They've never mentioned it since except in anbecdotes "remember when we watched Finding Memo in the car when we went to Croatia and DC3 told everyone he lived in unenimy all week?" etc. They did not lose the power of speech nor even the ability to chat/ bicker or make endless music videos together. ...

Onlygingergothinthevillage · 14/11/2016 18:17

I hate it sorry YABU, I've never done it & think that even with the sound turned down it's annoying for other diners. I've got 3 & if we go out to eat we do just that, eat.
Recently Sunday lunch was spoilt by parents with newspapers & a bottle of wine between them with small girl watching Dora the Explorer far too loud. It's inconsiderateAngry

FrancisCrawford · 14/11/2016 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HighwayDragon1 · 14/11/2016 18:24

If my dd (6) sees someone with an electronic device at a table she says loudly LOOK pointing furiously THEYRE BEING RUUUUUUUUDDEEEE.

I do try and shush her.

dollylucy · 14/11/2016 18:29

You were not unreasonable
The other mother was very unreasonable telling her child that you shouldn't be doing it.
She could just have said that it's not allowed in their family, every family is different
I've always tried not too, but always have colouring etc, what's the difference?

MumsTheWordYouKnow · 14/11/2016 18:31

I think the fact the other woman said they shouldn't be letting their little girl do that says it all. It's not an explanation that explains it in a logical way whilst setting a good example.

Cubtrouble · 14/11/2016 18:31

OP, you were actually considerate. Far far better to distract your 2 year old with some quiet peppa pig than have her down from the table being a nuisance and crying.

We have tv off for meals and I expect my children to behave when we are out. They are not allowed down from the table. We take colouring etc or some toy cars. It's hard with a little kid though and I can't believe people are so self righteous

oldlaundbooth · 14/11/2016 18:37

We rarely take DS out to eat as he's 3 and simply doesn't enjoy it/have an attention span.

If we do I see no problem at all sticking him in front of the ipad for half an hourwhile we eat in peace. We always get served super quick anyway.

Not quite sure of the difference between colouring vs peppa and why colouring is seen as so superior.