Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

[Alexandriaaaa]

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

The only thing that would have annoyed me was if my child was being distracted by trying to watch the ipad.

I don't think you did anything terrible (although if you don't do it often, how come you had it with you?)...probably so ething best avoided though.

I share her view - very bad manners at any age IMO to have electronic devices at the table and a very difficult habit to break TBH.

Why would it be a difficult "habit to break"? Many things are acceptable at the age of two but not for older children or adults.

ChangingNamesAgain Thank you for explaining. I think I get it! Whenever I'm eating out alone (fairly often - I like to get away from my desk during my lunch hour) I listen to audiobooks. I have great noise cancelling ear phones, so I get an hour of peaceful reading.

Buy headphones.

Some people are very strict about mealtimes. I like a middle road that gives flexibility but structure. So we don't have screens unless at a restaurant after they've finished and I'm still eating. Just like your situation I would have done what you did. I also do not force food, take leftovers for later, don't make them eat what they don't like, but insist on all eating together and noone gets down until all dc have finished. Fine if adults have finished.

I find if you're overly strict the dc begin to hate eating as a family and all sorts of issues raise their head. Mealtimes should be politely relaxed with laughter and chatting, and the odd ipad for toddlers who are finished but can't get down yet.

I would use head phones too personally. But I know my kids (who have asd/pda &adhd) can't tolerate the sensory impact of them so I can understand that for other kids it might be a bit much. If it's really really quite in a noisy busy kid friendly place it's not the end of the world imo.

I don't think you're unreasonable at all.
I have a very temperamental 20 month old who is a complete nightmare when we're out for a meal and screams bloody mirdet. She eats the crayons or throws them, won't be placated with songs or chat for more thN 5 mins and generally ruins family meals out at the moment. It's just her age and it's fine but we either need to make the choice to never eat out with our 4 year old (who is and always has been great at the table and we never had to use the iPad for) and our 1 year old.

I feel I'm trying to be considerate of other people in a restaurant when I pull out the iPad because I would reckon a screaming, tantrummung child would ruin their meal far more than seeing a family out for dinner and using one while waiting for a meal or waiting for the bill.

I wouldn't use it constantly and when we're eating we have a no phones or iPads rule and we don't have phones or iPads at the table at home. It doesn't matter if dd2 has a massive tantrum at the table coz we just block it out.

Always used to take books and a cheap Game Boy type game for DS when we went to restaurants when he was small (sound always turned off though). If it is any consolation, he is 19 now and would never dream of playing on his phone/tablet at the dinner table (at home or out)which is more than can be said for DH who wasn't brought up with such luxuries.

Do what you have to do to keep your DC quietish and occupied at the table. Far better than having them screaming or you having to leave early without eating your food.

Oh ye gods why do people always have to pretend everyone was perfect in ye good old days and modern parenting is sending civilisation to hell in a hand cart It's so boringly wrong but the people who live to harp on about being "old fashioned" as a back handed boast are incapable of reading the posts that point out people just didn't eat out with toddlers, or spent half the meal in the car park, or annoyed everyone else by singing nursery rhymes and playing loud games at the table

people just didn't eat out with toddlers, or spent half the meal in the car park, or annoyed everyone else by singing nursery rhymes and playing loud games at the table

I can assure you that lots of people ate out with kids!! How bizarre to assume it was utterly impossible

Yes there was occasional grief and having to take it in turns to go and play with annoying small toddler but we managed pretty well.

Look, if people want to use ipads at the table let them get on with it. It's fucking rude not to stuck a pair of headphones on though. I COULD have brought my cassette player and played My Naughty Little Sister to entertain them but I think other diners would have thought that was pretty antisocial God knows why it's now acceptable to suffer the Peppa theme

YWNBU! She was. I can't stand it when other parents think it is ok to criticise anothers parenting within ear shot, to their children. It is unbelievably smug and rude.
My children (8 and 12) are never allowed screens, books or anything else at home while we eat, but when we eat out I consider it to be my treat as well as theirs and will allow them to entertain themselves with silent ipad or phone games after- not during- the meal while DH and I chat and finish our wine. Because I quite like interacting with my husband in a nice restaurant without my bored children demanding to know when we are going to leave as they are done and keen to move on to the next thing. Being older they are perfectly happy to sit and chat with us or each other for the majority of the time, but we do tend to take our time so if they can get restless this is our solution.
I have also been around parents who do not choose to give their children gadgets and amuse them in other ways such as songs or loud over the top chatter, far more annoying than a small child watching a quiet or silent ipad imo.

Yes there was occasional grief and having to take it in turns to go and play with annoying small toddler but we managed pretty well

Not everyone did. My own children were pretty good but usually other children made the experience less than enjoyable to the extent I pretty much avoided "child friendly" eating places where possible.

Sapphire surely if she was speaking loudly enough that she could be clearly heard by the OP over the noisy restaurant that apparently drowned out the sound of the iPad then it is unlikely that the OP would be in any doubt that was speaking in order to be heard. Apart from of course if the mother was speaking loudly so her child could hear her over the noise.

If that's the case it is borderline rude, and passive aggressive. The latter of which isn't a crime, apart from on here. If in fact it wasn't that noisy, then the lady was doubly reasonable. Reasonable because chances were that others could hear the iPad, and reasonable because the lack of background noise meant the op could hear her perfectly reasonable comments to her child.

My DC never had screens when little and still don't at 7 years old during meals out. They do behave themselves when we were out generally and we like to have family chat, so we're lucky in that respect. We have taken books or activity books though.

Mine both had Nintendo DS devices from a young age and they're both perfectly reasonable people now.

Colouring in and playing little games may seem like the most virtuous thing to do, but, let's face it, it's easier to have a wee screen for them.

I don't think we can necessarily assume the lady was rude. I know I've been reduced to saying "well they shouldn't be" in response to a small child asking why AN other child is doing something that they've been told they can't be. Yes, in an ideal parenting world we would come up with some loveliness about different families having different rules and there might be a good reason why other child is allowed etc etc etc ...but sometimes you just say the easiest thing to shut the conversation down. DS was a complete nightmare for continuing to go on and on after getting an answer. If in OP's situation, I'd told him different families had different rules he would want to know why and what those rules were and the conversation would go on forever.

Marynary- it is a hard habit to break (sounds like OP doesn't do it as a matter of course) particularly at an early age. I begged my sister not to get dvd player for the car, now they can't travel anywhere without it on. My brother literally plugs his children in- earphones, individual DVDs- when they go anywhere. Crying shame- his children don't really chat.

We let our kids use our phones in a restaurant to watch you tube kids with volume nearly off. It's the only place they are allowed to use our phones, so it works well for keeping them occupied. Colouring is next to useless! My nephews all had Nintendo ds when they were in restaurants when they were little; now they're 19 or 20, and are perfectly normal conversational adults! She was rude!

One thing I've just realised is the child is under 2 - is it normal for kids that age to be even interested by a screen? My two never showed the slight bit of interest in TV etc until past 2. 2 and a half for the older one, a bit sooner for the younger one (copying her sister). Before 2 it would have been pointless trying to use a screen to distract them as they simply wouldn't have cared... And even at 2 it would not be very effective in my cases...
I love going out with the kids, they're not always perfect but we do enjoy it!

Of course the other Mum knew you could hear her! Sounds like proper passive aggressiveness to me. Do what you think is right for your child at the time. There is no "one rule fits all". Every child is different. Every family is different. If 10 mins on an iPad means you and your other half get to enjoy the rest of your meal in relative peace, go for it. And enjoy!

I absolutely hate iPads in restaurants. I think it is the end of civilisation as we know it. In fact I don't think kids under about 8 or so should have access to tablets, with my professional hat on.

There is a world of a difference between children being allowed to watch their ipads or whatever at every meal at home, and letting a 2 year old do this for 10 minutes to avoid disturbing other diners in a restaurant.

The woman who commented was herself exhibiting bad manners.

It's so difficult eating out with little ones, especially if you want to find 5 mins to eat your own food. You gotta do what you gotta do!

I personally wouldn't let my daughter play with an iPad at a table......but I would've done as a desperate measure when she was a toddler.

I guess that the mum on the other table didn't want to teach her child that playing with an iPad at the table was OK...it's really difficult as a parent to explain why another child is allowed to do something they aren't....so as others have said, I guess the conversation with her child was about her and justifying her own discipline....not judging you.

If people aren't bothered, why do they ask for feedback?

Nobody's business how you parent, unless you're doing something illegal.

The other mum was not being unreasonable, she could have found a better way to put it but I've found myself referring to others' behaviour as rude or not how we do it.

We use phones/iPads all the time when we go out for coffees and meals, otherwise we would never be able to enjoy these simple pleasures as it would be too stressful. sounds like she was being a bit judgemental and wanted you to hear as why would she add the bit on the end about "that little girls parents shouldn't let her do that" slightly passive aggressive I think! Can't stand judgemental parents, everyone has their own tricks to make their lives a little easier and less stressful, there are probably things she does you wouldn't want to do, it doesn't mean you are a bad parent. would she rather your 2 year old kicked off and you didn't do anything to try to pacify her? She'd probably mutter something else under her breath! See you can't win. Don't worry about it, you are no different to the majority of parents out there.