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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:

LaurieMarlow · 14/11/2016 12:31

Hmm, I am quite torn on this one.

My first thought is far better without and that applies to everyone. I do think it's optimal to ban all screens when eating out and focus on conversation. And the the earlier NT children get into this habit the better.

BUT ...

As has been pointed out already, the etiquette around screen use is changing rapidly and they are very much here to stay. It's not at all clear what's acceptable for adults, let alone the DC.

And sometimes you do what you have to do to survive. That may not be ideal, but I agree that better a child glued to a screen for a short time than screaming, running around or parents not going out at all.

Sorry OP, I haven't been much help, but I guess she's entitled to her view of the world and you to yours.

Ignore, move on. I think the majority of people in real life would be sympathetic to you in that situation. The outraged always have more of a presence on MN than anywhere else.

Fenwinkle · 14/11/2016 12:31

I'd be too engrossed in my own family and meal to give a shiny shit what the table next to me was doing - noisily or not - to be honest. Some of you have far too much time on your hands and you seem to be over-indulging in the judgement of others. Come on over to the real world where parents will forsake 10 minutes of wildly stimulating activity for a bit of peace while they enjoy their meal. Spend less time in Judgeville.

Marynary · 14/11/2016 12:37

Wtf do you think us 50 year olds did when our dcs were small?

Err.. not eat out. We certainly avoided it if possible.

Only1scoop · 14/11/2016 12:39

I've always eaten out with dd and when she was tiny. She's never had a tablet whilst at table, amazingly she manages in the car without also.

ChasingAPinkBall · 14/11/2016 12:44

Not unreasonable at all.
I don't see what the difference is between using an ipad at the table to colouring in.
There's plenty of time to teach table manners, trying to teach a toddler to sit still and wait quietly is a fools game!

witsender · 14/11/2016 12:46

She sounds a bit performancey, I too wouldn't allow a screen at the table and never have...perhaps she didn't intend to.be so loud. Or maybe she's an arse, both possible.

In her circs I would tend to explain to.cjild that all parents do things differently and we don't allow screens, without more detail.

witsender · 14/11/2016 12:49

And colouring books etc are different in my book. They're quiet for a start, and the child can still talk, concentrate, hear etc without being engrossed in another world.

llangennith · 14/11/2016 12:51

Adding to my earlier post. Headphones on or sound off. I get totally pissed off when parents hand their kids their phone and talk loudly trying to be heard over very loud Peppa Pig

SirChenjin · 14/11/2016 12:55

That wasn't the case here though - the OP has already explained that the ipad was on quiet "Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy"

witsender · 14/11/2016 12:58

People will always have opinions, and that's fine. As the OP also says, she doesn't think the lady knew she could hear. What other people think of us is none of our business!

Had she said it to the OP that would have been rude. Having an opinion contrary to the OP's and expressing it to her child isn't rude, IMO.

Not everyone agrees with tablets, books etc at the table as seen here. Neither side is 'right'.

GeorgeTheThird · 14/11/2016 13:06

Sir - I don't think quiet is good enough. Off is good enough. Headphones are good enough. Quiet is subjective and can be really annoying.

gleam · 14/11/2016 13:08

I think she commented like that because she could hear Peppa Pig and was letting you know, op.

SirChenjin · 14/11/2016 13:13

I don't think noisy in a family-type restaurant is good enough but I'm able to rise above the annoyance, focus on my own family and keep my opinions about the noise other people are making to myself - or at least share my thoughts quietly.

If I want no noise, or quiet background noise, I don't go to busy, noisy, family-style restaurants.

ChangingNamesAgain · 14/11/2016 13:22

Zoeturtle I want to back honking haddock up on this one, I have adhd myself & a small amount of v v low noise allows my brain to focus on, more so if it's TV as opposed to audio book. It means my brain has one linerar thing to focus on which makes it much easier to not be hugely distracted by all the other different non linear sounds around me that would make me very hyper or v attension definite to the extent I would feel anxious and maybe panicy. It makes it less exhausting to be out and about because it's hugely hard work to constantly be battling your own lack of focus & means my sensory sensitivity isnt triggered quite as badly so I can manage a bit more without too much cost to me later. Ofcourse as an adult I mostly just focus by reading my phone which works just fine unless long train journey or simat but I can imagine screens would have made my disability less dus-ailing as a child.

I don't know what disability hh child has but I'm guessing it's similar enough process going on line. So I hope this explanation helps.

My kids cope better if they have something 'new'. A magazine with naff plastic toy or similar focuses them enough to let go of their anxiety to get through simple things like kid friendly coffee shops. They sometimes need to stand or walk around our table also. I've had almost the exact same experience as op where another parent loudly told her daughter that she must sit still and not get up to jiggle like my kids because that's what naughty girls do and as she was a good girl she better not do that.

misshelena · 14/11/2016 13:23

OP- you did nothing wrong. You calmed your child so that she doesn't disturb other diners. You were considerate.

The other mom has the right to her own parenting rules -- as long as her child is not disturbing other people. And if she even suspected that you could hear her, then she was just being one of those dime-a-dozen judgmental moms we encounter everyday. Ignore her.

Also, there is no difference in terms of "bad manners" between reading/coloring and watching an episode of Dora at the table.

Megainstant · 14/11/2016 13:31

She was rude. But so were you. No one wants to hear peppa pig except your toddler.

Fwiw I don't care if people use the TV to keep their kids quiet but please use headphones.

We ate out loads when the dcs were small, sometimes they were a nightmare, sometimes they were as good as gold. Still don't have an ipad to this day. So it is indeed possible to manage.

Megainstant · 14/11/2016 13:33

Perhaps teaching kids to sit quietly and have respect for the people around them (without watching tv) is a complete anachronism now.

SirChenjin · 14/11/2016 13:37

No, it's not. Perspective seems to be though.

NathanBarleyrocks · 14/11/2016 13:38

Perhaps teaching kids to sit quietly and have respect for the people around them (without watching tv) is a complete anachronism now

V.true.

mysistersimone · 14/11/2016 13:39

I'm stunned why people are so bothered. If the volume was high i get it, id be annoyed as if someone was talking really loud.

I think iPads to get through finishing your meal and keeping calm at the table is great. My 2 use them for learning games and videos. Ive lost count of the number of meals I've half eaten because my 2 were playing up and getting sweaty and anxious for fear of being judged and their whinging and crying.

Ps. My kids eat their tomato soup by drinking it through a straw lots of stained clothes avoided.

mysistersimone · 14/11/2016 13:40

*I'm getting sweaty and anxious about their crying

YelloDraw · 14/11/2016 13:47

For the love of god get some small-child suitable headphones though. No one wants to listen to ipad noises when they are eating.

SapphireStrange · 14/11/2016 14:12

Had she said it to the OP that would have been rude. Having an opinion contrary to the OP's and expressing it to her child isn't rude, IMO.

It's passive-aggressive.

Those still going on about the noise, have you not understood that the OP has said 'Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.' Or are you deciding not to believe her?

babybarrister · 14/11/2016 14:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

idontlikealdi · 14/11/2016 14:19

I feel quite strongly that I don't want screens at the table in a restaurant or at home but the woman sounds as if she was being a bit PA in the way she said it.

I'm not against screens, DTs (5) have their own kindles and use our ipad but they are banned udring the week and at the table even in a restaurant.

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