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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:
Aeroflotgirl · 14/11/2016 11:32

Yes she was being totally smug and unreasonable. Some people should really engage brain before opening their big mouths. No you do what you need to do, and tired fractious 2 year old is not going to sit nicely at the table. There is plenty of time when she is older to do this.

NathanBarleyrocks · 14/11/2016 11:35

tired fractious 2 year old is not going to sit nicely at the table so don't inflict this on other diners and stay at home.

orangebird69 · 14/11/2016 11:39

Yanbu at all. I'd rather, and often do, put the ipad in front of my 13mo ds so I can finish my dinner without him whinging. I don't want to listen to that awful noise and I wouldn't want to subject anyone else to it.

crashdoll · 14/11/2016 11:39

Some people are so intolerant of children. It's pathetic really. If they're watching TV on their iPad quietly, what's the issue? Honestly, I've had more meals disturbed by rowdy and irritating adults than children.

treaclesoda · 14/11/2016 11:41

If you believe in always staying at home on the offchance that your toddler might get tired or impatient you are rather limiting your choices. It rules out holidays for starters and means that a day out can really only be planned with a view to staying within a short travelling distance from home.

treaclesoda · 14/11/2016 11:41

I mean that within the context of 'eating out'

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 14/11/2016 11:43

Also, I don't really see the point of eating out with children if they are having such a bad time that they need an ipad to be able to stay quiet at the table. Why not book a sitter for them? What do they or you have to gain from their presence if you are not interacting with them and they are not enjoying being there?

I used to take my small DCs with me to eat out as I wanted to teach them how to behave in a restaurant, but allowing them screen time would have defeated the purpose.

Clandestino · 14/11/2016 11:43

She's an idiot. And the boy is 2 years old, it kept him quiet and you could eat your food in peace. Not even 2 years old is too early to start teaching patience in a restaurant.
And this loud commenting, which was essentially a passive aggressive way of getting at you was just moronic.

Megainstant · 14/11/2016 11:45

It's up to other parents what they do with their children, but it does annoy me when people have the sound on. I was in a cafe with dd a couple of weeks ago and the (adult) couple next to us were both watching different programs on their phones with no headphones Hmm

I remember a ferry ride once when the family next to us had peppa pig on the ipad. The fucking theme tune drove me nuts.

So if you invest in headphones too YANBU

NathanBarleyrocks · 14/11/2016 11:48

I was in a cafe with dd a couple of weeks ago and the (adult) couple next to us were both watching different programs on their phones with no headphones What? That is outrageous. Also, why bother going out with someone if you're not going to talk to each other?

Allthewaves · 14/11/2016 11:48

Not read all. Iv 8,5,3 ds - olest adhd and midle poss asd and other just hectic 3. If we didn't have electronics we would eat out at all. We color usually before meal then electronic after. If we didn't you would hear lots of very loud talking, poss with swear words if ds2 gets worked up with restaurant noise, getting up and down from table, staring at whoever is near us. Believe me you would prefer the gadgets

honkinghaddock · 14/11/2016 11:48

Living - A child can have an electronic device and still be able to interact and get enjoyment out of being there. The alternative would be for some children (and adults) that they wouldn't go out anywhere.

Bambamrubblesmum · 14/11/2016 11:51

I think this is a pointless argument to be honest. Like it or not ipads are here to stay. Some parents will use them, some won't. Unless it's a michelin starred restaurant and can afford to be selective, most restaurants are very unlikely to prohibit use at the table.

Therefore as parents we've got to decide which way to go and how that impacts on our own kids.

Tutting at each other is unhelpful, so is making up new etiquette rules that are not universally acknowledged.

hazeyjane · 14/11/2016 11:53

Living -

Using an iPad is not necessarily for the whole meal - interaction will still be going on.

Some people are eating out for different reasons (after a hospital stay, as a convenient stop on a journey) - they might just need to eat and switch off a bit.

If you have more than one child it is good to do things as a family (my dds are 9 and 10, they love eating out, they are great company, they love their brother, but their brother uses an electronic device for communication and sometimes another device to entertain him for a chunk of the meal - we're hardly going to leave him at home!)

BadgersBum · 14/11/2016 11:55

My mother always tells me (smugly) about how we never played with phones or iPads at the table when we were kids, but she always had paper and pens in her bag to amuse us ... she completely ignores the fact that they weren't invented in the 70s so we didn't have much choice!

My son has ADHD, so basically, anything that stops him annoying everybody else and lets us finish our food is fair game with us (as long as he has the sound turned off and he's not allowed it while he's actually eating!).

LogicallyLost · 14/11/2016 11:58

NathanBarleyrocks is making complete sense to me.

Like rowdy people, i don't want to hear kids cartoons. I shouldn't have to move or ask them to keep it down, use headphones for gods sake. The etiquette of having a screen at a dinner table i see as no different to a book.

SapphireStrange · 14/11/2016 11:59

She was rude, snotty and basically an arse, as are the judgypants brigade on here.

Megainstant · 14/11/2016 12:01

nathan I know! They looked pretty intimidating so no one had the guts to ask them to turn them down or off. It was a cacophony! Lovely cafe in a quiet Park too Sad

Megainstant · 14/11/2016 12:05

I am AMAZED at the posters who literally cannot grasp that it is possible to eat out with babies and toddlers with no screens.

Wtf do you think us 50 year olds did when our dcs were small?

We have a no phone rule when eating out. Believe me, if a teenager and dh can manage it, a toddler can.

NathanBarleyrocks · 14/11/2016 12:06

megain I can imagine they looked intimidating. That is the trouble. The kind of people that have no regard for the noise they are inflicting on other people are the kind that would probably kick off if you said anything to them.

Megainstant · 14/11/2016 12:08

Yes. Dd and I looked at them and the bloke looked up and gave me a dead eyed stare. It's a form of aggression.

Actually I find it aggressive when any family has noisy cartoons on solely for their own benefit.

NathanBarleyrocks · 14/11/2016 12:11

Actually I find it aggressive when any family has noisy cartoons on solely for their own benefit

YY to this.

Even if I'm using headphones on the bus, train etc, I check that the music isn't too loud for other people to hear before popping them in my ears.

SapphireStrange · 14/11/2016 12:12

noisy cartoons Hmm
The OP says the volume was low and the place was noisy.

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 14/11/2016 12:12

hazey
honk
I take your points. Children with SN do make this a bit less black or white I have to admit.

I still feel like for a lot of families putting the children in front of a screen as soon as they show impatience is a way for the adults to finish their meal without having to deal with them. Even if it is annoying for all the other families around.

If the main goal is to enjoy the food, then I will book a sitter for the DCs. If the goal is family time, then we will have a conversation. Mine are only 2.5, so by conversation I mean telling a story, asking them random questions, talking about the food or a dog passing by or anything...

SirChenjin · 14/11/2016 12:26

I am AMAZED at the posters who literally cannot grasp that it is possible to eat out with babies and toddlers with no screens

I am AMAZED that you are AMAZED. My teens didn't have screens either, but if they had existed I would have used them at the end of a busy day for 10 minutes, no hesitation and what's more, they would have been absolutely fine now as 17 and 19 year olds - how AMAZING is that.