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AIBU?

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Original poster

Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

621 replies

Alexandriaaaa · 13/11/2016 19:16

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 14/11/2016 10:29

Wow, temperatures are running quite high this morning! I don't think anyone is trying to say "Fuck up child and his needs, I'll do what I want" - just to point out that everyone has to try what will get them through the day and most people will try to minimise the impact on others, but they can't necessarily meet the expectations and needs of others all the time?

Trifleorbust · 14/11/2016 10:30

*your not up

Marynary · 14/11/2016 10:45

Are you for real? My child with special needs who is only being disturbed by wankers like you blaring cartoons, youre calling him a disturbance?

I haven't said anything about my children watching television. They couldn't anyway as ipads and other electronics weren't available when they were small. I am just commenting that if your child is crying they will be more of a disturbance than those quietly watching television so perhaps you should get off your high horse.

user1478551766 · 14/11/2016 10:47

If you think its acceptable to call SN children, upset by selfish adults, a disturbance, then fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

"Quietly" watching television is not appropriate for a restuarant. Stay at fucking home if you want to watch carroons. If you do need to for specific reasons, use headphones at the least.

Trifleorbust · 14/11/2016 10:48

User, you are being completely unreasonable.

user1478551766 · 14/11/2016 10:50

On the contrary, I'm the lone voice of reason.

Nobody wants to hear Peppa Pig coming from every table in a restaurant. Or any table.
Ask any normal person in the street and they'll tell you the same thing.

Trifleorbust · 14/11/2016 10:55

No, you're insisting that your way is the only way. And actually, it isn't. If others are making an effort not to disturb others by keeping the noise from their toddler to a minimum by allowing him or her to watch the tablet quietly, they aren't doing this to disturb or upset your child and they are actually completely within their rights, until someone makes a 'no devices' rule in their restaurant. Then you can go to that restaurant

CaesiumTime · 14/11/2016 11:03

"Ask any normal person in the street and they'll tell you the same thing."

Bwahahahhaa.

So, from your post we can deduce:

A) no one on MN is a "Normal Person"
B) you know the opinion of everyone "on the street" and they all have a homogeneous opinion.

I love this.

user1478551766 · 14/11/2016 11:04

If others are making an effort not to disturb others by keeping the noise from their toddler to a minimum by allowing him or her to watch the tablet quietly

Tablets are annoying, so its a poor effort unless you use headphones.

There are general standards you know, etiquette. Most people don't need it explained to them that certain things are unacceptable in polite company.

Trifleorbust · 14/11/2016 11:08

Unfortunately, User, you don't get to be the arbiter of 'standards'. I happen to agree that tablets at the table aren't great manners but I accept that I am not in charge of other people.

dowhatnow · 14/11/2016 11:08

I'd only judge you if it sas on for the whole meal, which it clearly wasn't, or if there were no headphones. Even if the volume is on low it is extremely irritating to hear a buzz nearby.

On the other hand, I don't think she was BU either. She was explaining to her son why he couldn't do it. That is better parenting than just saying no repeatedly.

Ragwort · 14/11/2016 11:11

Am so glad mine grew up before babies had iPads!

^^ totally agree Grin and as a family we don't have an iPad so it still isn't relevant, we have a teenager now and if he bored at the table - tough - he is not allowed to use his mobile phone at meal times, whether at home or out.

My DS only once was fractious in a restaurant and DH and I took it in turns to take him out of the restaurant so we didn't disturb other diners.

hazeyjane · 14/11/2016 11:15

User**766 - children have different needs, people with additional needs have different needs - we have to work out ways to accommodate all those different needs. Honking's ds needs a focused noise to distract him away from the clatter that disturbs him, but does so in a way that hopefully it won't impact on other people, my ds needs a talker to be understood,and sometimes an iPad to distract him so that he can get to go out and enjoy a meal with his family, he also hates sudden noises, so we end up looking like a branch of Tandy's with ear defenders, head phones, talker, Bluetooth speaker ......no room for colouring on our table!!

In ds's sn unit there are children like ds who are very sensitive to noise and hate being touched, and children who are over buggy and shriek when excited or over stimulated - they all have a right to be there - they work on strategies to help the children deal with their needs.

Ds's best friend is the huggiest, loudest boy I know - he drums on everything! Ds walks around with his hands over his ears avoiding the hugs but loves having his friend round. It is a bloody riot, but we all have to try and accommodate each other.

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 14/11/2016 11:15

I agree with the posters saying that in ye olden days pre-iPads people just didn't eat out with toddlers. I don't think I set foot in a restaurant until I was at least 6 or 7 - partly because my parents were skint until about then, and partly because it just wasn't the done thing. Cafes are a bit different because you sit down with your sandwich/cake etc and the whole experience is a lot shorter and the kids have food to occupy them immediately.

OP, my 2 year old sounds exactly like yours - won't colour for more than 30 seconds, throws crayons, grabs all the knives/salt/olive oil off the table and waves them around (the first part of the dining experience always involves removing any decorations/condiments to a safe distance), knocks his drink over (or someone else's), stands up in his seat and bounces/launches himself at me, slides under the table, gets down and runs away, screams when picked up or physically restrained...he would never ever in a million years fall asleep in his buggy, because he hates the buggy, has to be wrestled into it while screaming, and only stops when actually in motion (and it has to be sustained forward motion, rocking it back and forwards doesn't count). He's a smart little cookie with bags of energy. He wants to run around all the time.

I therefore use screens when out so we can sit and eat in peace. My 4 yo is much easier and will colour or draw or chat for ages, while pointing out sanctimoniously that her brother is being naughty again.

I am not prepared to leave my meal either. If we've decided to eat out, we've done it so we don't have to cook. If I leave my meal then I'm going to have to pay for it anyway and then go home and find something to eat - lose lose. Anyway, I'm stingy and I'm not walking away from food I've paid for!

Fenwinkle · 14/11/2016 11:15

There are general standards you know, etiquette. Most people don't need it explained to them that certain things are unacceptable in polite company.

Like telling people to 'stay at fucking home to watch carroons' Hmm we mustn't be polite company.

honkinghaddock · 14/11/2016 11:16

Some people will never be able to conform to what is acceptable in polite company. I completely accept that noise can be distressing for others which is why it is reasonable to expect others to try to avoid making unnecessary noise. When people to start to talk about manners I switch off because our life is so removed from that.

Katedotness1963 · 14/11/2016 11:22

While you got to finish your meal in peace she had to put up with a distracted child who was trying to watch your screen instead of paying attention to his dinner/family/table. I'd have been annoyed too.

RestlessTraveller · 14/11/2016 11:25

Funnily enough I had this exact problem at the weekend. Child (looked to be about 4) sat at the table next to DP and I with Pepper Pig on an iPad, no headphones, not blaring but irritatingly audible.

I discretely asked to be moved tables and the restaurant was quick to comply. I didn't feel the need to make my feelings clear to the parents and everyone got to enjoy their meal.

Marynary · 14/11/2016 11:27

If you think its acceptable to call SN children, upset by selfish adults, a disturbance, then fuck you and the horse you rode in on.

I didn't call special "SN children" a "disturbance" but if you child ends up crying because of noise in a restaurant regardless of what is causing that noise then you need to accept that they are causing more of a disturbance than those quietly watching television. If you are so worried about "etiquette" and noise I am surprised that you go to a restaurant with your child in the first place.

NathanBarleyrocks · 14/11/2016 11:27

If noise from an Ipad is loud enough for someone on another table to hear it, it is too loud. I would be fucking furious if I went out for a meal and could hear some cartoon from someone on another table. SN or not. No excuse.

ChangingNamesAgain · 14/11/2016 11:28

If you think it's acceptable to call children who have special needs sn children then you are unreasonable

LivingOnTheDancefloor · 14/11/2016 11:30

I could have been the lady from the other table Blush
I would say this kind of thing not because I want you to hear what I think of your parenting (really, no judgment) but just because I need to give my DCs a good reason why they can't watch a video when yours can. Saying, this child is allowed but you aren't doesn't really work. Saying that they are allowed, but that the shouldn't works better.
You use the screen to make your parenting easier, well I tell my DCs that you shouldn't to make mine easier.

I have to admit that I would also secretly be a bit mad that your parenting choice makes mine harder, but I know IABU on this one hence the "secretly"

honkinghaddock · 14/11/2016 11:31

Wouldn't you just ask to move tables?

TheStoic · 14/11/2016 11:32

I'd be a bit annoyed if I'd left the screens at home to go out for dinner...only to have the family next to us with a lovely bright glowing screen that my kids were then distracted by.

NathanBarleyrocks · 14/11/2016 11:32

Wouldn't you just ask to move tables? Shouldn't have to. Just means some other poor fucker has to put up with the noise.