Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

[Alexandriaaaa]

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

I remember one night DH and I feeling smug about this, and the very next night we were at some interminable family dinner at a terrible time of day and ended up doing it ourselves.

I believe you always get punished for smugness.

OP, I really wouldn't worry. I don't think watching screens at table is ideal but sometimes needs must for a tired child. Sceeens are part of life now, whether people like it or not. I wouldn't to it as a matter of course but sometimes you have to be flexible and choose your battles with a toddler.

I think the other parent's response was not a great example to her own child. You can tell your child "we don't do [whatever]" without sounding really judgemental and negative about other parents.

I was in a similar situation a few weeks ago. First night in holiday resort and restaurant was full of over tired toddlers and frazzled parents. A child at neighbouring table had Peppa Pig on a screen. My own DS (3) had his eyes out on stalks trying to see. I ended up telling DS that it was rude to look over people's shoulders/stare etc.

Good manners includes not being openly judgemental about others!

Some children can't tolerate headphones. We do though only stick to very quiet electronic devices that are quieter than most peoples talking which I see as a reasonable compromise

If you are in a public place you use headphones. if you child doesn't like them, give them a book or colouring instead. Even better teach them to like headphones at home. You may think it's quiet, but if you can hear it, so can other people in the restaurant. The noise from those things is hugely irritating.

As for the OP - I can't see the issue with 10 minutes. I remember an Italian waiter being very disapproving of us when my son (who would have been about 9 at the time) was playing on his Nintendo DS when we were out for a meal on holiday. He's nearly 14 now and is perfectly capable of holding an intelligent conversation when we are eating out (and indeed anywhere).

I would rather that children are entertained than they start yelling or running around and interfering with everyone else's enjoyment of their meal.

Would have done exactly the same as you OP.

We wouldn't allow it at home, or whilst children are actually eating, but after they have eaten in a restaurant setting it is absolutely fine and I think a sensible way to keep kids entertained and quiet so that everyone has a pleasant experience.

honkinghaddock How can it be loud enough to block out other people's noises but quiet enough that nobody else can hear?

My kids are sometimes allowed to use ipads or phones etc when we have ordered food and are waiting for it to arrive (sometimes they're just so hungry they just act up and can't relax) but it is always volume off or with headphones....anything else really is antisocial.

Wow who'd have kids in this world when there are so many women just waiting to judge you for every move you make?

I think a sensible way to keep kids entertained and quiet so that everyone has a pleasant experience

you mean so the people at your table can have a pleasant experience. The rest of us can fuck off, right? My child can cry in a corner because I can't make the noise stop and he can't bear it.

My son has profound learning difficulties - functioning at 12 - 18 months level although he is 10. He can't do colouring in. He can't use crayons. We have been working on headphones but he isn't tolerating them for more than a few seconds. Holding a quiet musical toy to his ear means he can eat out and cope with the noise others make. The alternative would be him becoming distressed and hurting himself and us. I don't think doing what we do is unreasonable. If you are sitting on a different table you would not hear it.

I wouldn't think twice about passing over my phone so I can finish my meal, and have regularly done so in the past. Now at age 9 and 6 dc can happily sit at the dinner table and make conversation. So its really not a big deal at all. If my kids ask for something I don't want them to have, and they point out that some randon kid they don't even know has got what ever it is they want, I tell them that its different rules for different families and what they choose to do is none of our business. Which it isn't.

you mean so the people at your table can have a pleasant experience. The rest of us can fuck off, right? My child can cry in a corner because I can't make the noise stop and he can't bear it.

I'd far rather hear a television quietly playing than a child crying in a corner. Perhaps you are the one whose child disturbs other diners.

Zoeturtle - He can use a tiny amount of noise to block out other noises around him. It gives him something to focus on. It is something reliable and repetitive. When he gets upset generally I talk to him in a very quiet and repetitive way and it sooths him and I think this works in the same way.

My ds continually pressed 'poo' on his talker the other day during a game of I-spy in pizza express - see that's what you get for interacting with your kids.

At least we have just bought him a Childs voice - it used to have an American man's voice that sounded a bit Donald Trumpy - now THAT is disturbing.

I sort of feel a bit like shouting 'poo' myself at random points in this thread tbh.

We are a society - we all need to rub along together - trying to take into account everyone's different needs even when they are in conflict with other people's struggles.

Usernumber - I get your child has sensory difficulties. My child does and attends a specialist asd school because of them. I really don't think the noise my child needs will impact on yours. Some people are selfish about unnecessary noise. We aren't one of them.

We take ours to the café because we don't have WiFi at home, so it's their only opportunity to download or watch/play something online.

I do wonder at the type of person who sees a snap shot moment of someones life and assumes its like that all the time!

"its bad form with no interaction" the parents may be the most interactive parents on the planet but just at that moment, they wanted to distract the child so they could literally finish their meal!
I find it cruel when parents say things like to other people, the process of learning takes place over days and years not the odd meal out, not the odd exposure to a screen at meal time.

As someone who rarely gets to eat her dinner hot. You are not being unreasonable. If it gave you 10 minutes to eat then why not. I have tried that but they keeo going to different videos that it just wasnt worth it any more. Ignore her. You are on your break away and dserve to enjoy t. Shes just jealous because she didnt think of soing that ;)

Oh my word intolerance, judgement and criticism! God forbid mums and dads be kind and supportive to other mums and dads! My first thought if I'm out and a parent is having a difficult time with an over tired child is sympathy! I feel like I'm on a different planet! Honestly though if we are out with our son the last thing I am doing is taking any notice of what people at other tables are up to! What strange behaviour... do these people like the woman from OP's post comment on all situations she sees that she doesn't agree with? When it's just adults involved in something she disagrees with does she audibly comment to her husband? I doubt it. A rude liberty taker who was probably trying to make herself feel better for some parental insecurity, she was definitely trying to make OP feel bad, by pretending to 'educate' her own child, really unpleasant, I was taught not to talk about strangers so that they could hear you! Honestly why can people not just be nice to each other? I would be very upset about this situation and would definitely have asked the person not to talk about me so loudly, and probably asked the restaurant to allow me to move table. I do not think giving a two year old an iPad is a problem at all.

I'm with the people asking what's the difference between colouring or books and an iPad. They are all being used to entertain a child who would otherwise be disrupting their own families and other diners. It's fine. Better than having to listen to someone else's moaning child. Or having them running around the restaurant. The other person is entitled to her own rules but I suspect she'll bend when it suits her.

I don't think this has a lot to do with the iPad disturbing other diners. I think it has to do with the other woman's view that meals are a social occasion and therefore she is trying to teach her child that we don't use devices at the table. I think that is totally fair enough. She should have made more effort not to be overheard but she is entitled to her view and entitled to state her view to her child.

hazeyjane I love your DS! My DS has a similar sense of humour! Say "poo" from me!

User personal insults are against talk guidelines and won't do any good in getting people to behave the way you want them to.

Devices help some children with SN, including ones who can't tolerate headphones, and they distress others like yours - why do you need to go on the offensive and claim that those using devices care only about their own child? Presumably you also care more about your child than anyone else's and that is why you get angry about other people doing things to meet their children's needs which unintentionally distress your child, as is perfectly normal human nature.

Claiming posters who don't do everything the way you'd like want children with SN confined to the house is totally inappropriate especially as many of the posters who have mentioned using devices have said their children withSN find it is the only thing which makes restaurants bearable.

you mean so the people at your table can have a pleasant experience. The rest of us can fuck off, right? My child can cry in a corner because I can't make the noise stop and he can't bear i

Usernumber - I meant so that everyone has a pleasant experience. I didn't say the volume would be so loud that everyone could hear it. And if you're child was disturbed by it, you would only need to say and we would turn it off. No one likes to eat surrounded by a crying, or bored, noisy child. Therefore a child watching a Ipad/phone quietly is far more preferable in most circumstances.