Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

[Alexandriaaaa]

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

I watched this before my first was born. For those genuinely interested it shows the vicious circle of allowing screen time for toddlers. Qualified research:

m.youtube.com/watch?v=BoT7qH_uVNo

Believeitornot i actually crave time away from my phone it is a luxury to turn it off especially when in the company of those I enjoy.
I run my own business so am 'on call' 24/7.

As long as the volume wasn't up then it's your choice to give your dd the iPad.
I personally don't at the table, but don't care what anyone else does as long as it's not disturbing my time....hence the woman at the next table didn't need to spout her sanctimonious drivel to her DC.

Believeit hilarious response. So looking at a Fitbit is ok but not a phone? What nonsense. Had a good laugh at that 😀

Only 1 scoop- but the volume was up loud enough to disturb a neighbouring table.

hazey You sound a bit like us only we made the kids do crochet and practised Reiki on them. We also encouraged 2 year old DS to read a chapter from 'A History of Philosophy' and share his thoughts with us. His 6 month old sister couldn't contribute much but did learn a fair bit about Heidegger and Locke.
The truth is that all our attempts at eating out with under 3's brought us to the brink of breakdown or divorce. On one occasion, DS1 launched a bread roll across two tables, knocking a woman's glass of wine into her lap. And his piéce de resistance was jamming himself under a table occupied by a family of 4 and refusing to come out for half an hour.
So we stopped going for a couple of years and when we tried again, it was completely different- they were old enough to sit still for longer, do a bit of colouring in and actually talk to us. We then had another baby and wanted to try to eat out with all of them and an iPad was a Godsend for the youngest one as he was very fidgety with a minuscule attention span. I would try other things first but, if they didn't work, then I had no qualms about giving him a gadget.
I'm sure there are some one and two year olds who will sit quietly in a restaurant without whinging, crawling under the table or making frequent attempts to escape. But I haven't seen many.
And I don't believe that by doing this, it means that these DCs will be doing this when they are 7 or 10. Older children develop skills to help them cope with situations like this.

We never had gadgets, books or other props for our dcs in restaurants. They were used to sitting at the table at home so a restaurant was probably less boring than our dining room.

Ours didn't have gadgets in the car either, Even on long journeys. They looked out of the window, played guessing type games, chatted, sang, slept or daydreamed. Just like I did as a child.

Real life should be more interesting than a screen.

Amelia.... ah I see thanks. Must admit I hadn't RTFT

Op if you must use these gadgets whilst dining then take headphones or turn the volume off....

I don't have 15 minutes to watch that Somerset but as far as I know, Christakis' studies have all been around prolonged exposure to TV from a very young (a few months) age.

Ten minutes watching Peppa Pig while your parents finish their food is hardly in the same ballpark.

I don't even know why I'm contributing to this discussion - like a few others on here, DS has ASD with ADHD traits and is incapable of sitting still. So either I starve when we go out or I give him my phone.

But I expect his disabilities are down to my poor parenting

Which parenting styles do I prefer? Letting a 2year old watch 10 min of peppa pig or teaching a child it's ok to be a judgey prick? She could easily have said you're not allowed to do that, different families have different rules. We met a family on holiday who's son was non verbal autistic and couldn't stand noise so wore headphones with his iPad to stop sensory overload. She said she had constant overheard snide remarks. When will people learn to butt out. Unless the kid is in danger it really is no one else's business.

Tallula - Oh FGS. So there was never a day when your tired toddler didn't want to play with the toys you'd brought? Was your child always happy and willing to engage in conversation with you in a restaurant despite being younger than 2?

If there was, we didn't go out to eat. We hardly went out when the dc were tiny - not relaxing for us or them, or other people! I don't really get the 'we have to go out to eat as a family with really young dc' thing.

pkl wasn't singing endless songs and playing the game where you pile your hands up in the middle of the table getting faster and faster in restaurants even more intrusive for fellow restaurant diners than an iPod on silent/ with headphones?

My mum always insists on taking toddlers "for a walk" around the restaurant and says that's what she did with us - the kids aren't running about because she's with them, but waiting staff have to work around her meandering in the aisles and they get close to other people's tables etc - also potentially annoying to other diners. Put me off eating out with her when the kids were younger as it felt as if we were expecting special treatment from the whole bloody restaurant.

My mother also holds up kids who go to sleep in their seats as paragons of civilisation... Mine get hyped up when tired if out and about though and as toddlers making it through the hyper stage to get to the sleepy stage would have been painful for everyone (keeping them out late was only an option at parties of friends who also had children in summer when the wild stage was outside, not in a restaurant!)

Perhaps people actually used to be more tolerant of parents disturbing everyone singing and playing games in restaurants, but I think it is more likely parents ate out far less, stuck to just a main course, and spent a lot of the meal taking kids outside and letting their food go cold so whoever they were eating out with plus the rest of the diners could finish in peace - that's what I remember doing with DC1 (and then when we had a clutch of small children I avoided eating out in the evening unless relatives really insisted or on holiday in places we could sit outside, because it just wasn't worth the stress, though eating out somewhere informal for lunch was manageable).

Brings back memories of one particularly hellish nct family meet up with 10 toddlers in a restaurant 10 years ago frankly we just didn't eat out with kids in pre iPad days - too hard!

In moderation fine but would think abit sad for older child but may have sn. Not on to comment. However I would have commented if you had the sound on that is bloody annoying to other people

Oh and yes when our little boy was little we used to take the iPad out for meals. Couple of years later he sits and eats with is chatting away, orders himself asks for the bill etc. Children are not mini adults. A bit of tv will NOT ruin a child.

My parents very, very rarely took us out to eat in public because of my brothers' behaviour (these days he would most definitely have some sort of label- back in the 80's, he was just a "little sod"). They think the advent of portable electronic devices is simply marvellous and know how much it would have meant to them to be able to distract him whilst we had some family time together.

Why are people so hell-bent on such stringent rules? Kids are pretty flexible and can adapt to different situations. Our 4 (varying ages, 2-10) can sit without devices, whilst out or at home; sometimes engaging, sometimes just getting their meal eaten. They also massively appreciate an iPhone or iPad to have a play on or watch their programme, just as much as they like to bring a book to look at, or colouring etc etc.

I'd say this is very much the social norm in my family and within my friendship groups. Nobody gets judged- everyone is doing what works at that given moment. It differs and changes all the time.

OP, the fact you gave so much detail about what you had done in the run up to the meal suggests that you are overly conscious as to how people are judging your parenting, even though you say you don't care about overhearing the woman. You're clearly doing a great job but people will always have different ways/opinions/thoughts and expectations. So long as you are doing what works for you and your family, really don't give it much thought- reinvest that energy into something positive and worthwhile.

DS has ASD with ADHD traits and is incapable of sitting still. So either I starve when we go out or I give him my phone

And my DS has serious issues of his own and would be very distressed by the noise from other people playing on their phones and ipads etc.
But apparently nobody gives a shit about anyone but their own kids and their own comfort on this thread, and there is no element of compromise!

Ipads, knock yourself out. But with headphones so you don't piss off everyone else. Its a simple and effective compromise. You parent how you like, but in a way that doesn't impinge on others doing the same!

Great do you make your kids sit up at the dining table without so much as a pencil and paper or toy car for the entire time you are cooking? If you call them to the table when food is ready to serve and let them get down when everyone has finished eating there really is no comparison with all the waiting that occurs in any kind of restaurants except fast food ones.

I think at age 2, there's not much else than an iPad that will shut them up.

How the hell did everyone cope before ipads you amused your baby with faces or spoons or whatever
That said if that's your thing that's your thing, just be careful it doesn't become a habit (unless you want it to of course )

I wish we'd had ipads when mine were tiny - we'd have eaten of a lot more!

Some children can't tolerate headphones. We do though only stick to very quiet electronic devices that are quieter than most peoples talking which I see as a reasonable compromise.

And some children can't tolerate you not using headphones. And since you are the one causing the disturbance, why do you think your needs outweigh theirs?

Restaurants are not the place for audible cartoons/music etc. Headphones or no sound, your "compromise" is not good enough

I think letting them watch a television program once they have finished their food so adults finish their meal is a great idea!
We didn't have ipads or smarts phones when my children were toddlers (I think they may have existed but not many people had them), and as a consequence didn't eat out too often. My children weren't too bad but many went nuts due to boredom and "child-friendly" pubs/restaurants weren't great places to enjoy a meal.
Let the rude woman who commented feel smug while it lasts though. I have found that the people with the strong opinions on television and other electronic devices are usually the ones whose children never get off them when they get older. That's certainly been the case in family anyway.

I should have said "That's certainly been the case in my extended family anyway"

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No, of course they wouldn't sit whilst I cooked, but they were used to long family meals at home. We have a big family so maybe the children were entertaining each other? They're all teens and older now, so iPads weren't an option for us when they were small.

Unless those people are sitting immediately next to him they won't be able to hear it. There has to be reasonable adjustment for all people. My son needs that very quiet noise to block out others noise. That is what he has devices for.