Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

[Alexandriaaaa]

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

Although we use electronic devices with ds to enable him to self regulate, we still pay more attention to him than most parents in order keep him safe and spot meltdowns before they happen. It isn't the case of electronic device = ignoring child.

Be careful though - if it becomes the norm for your family people are likely to judge negatively. The family on a large group holiday that allowed their primary age kids to watch iPads throughout every meal did cause a few tight lips amongst the majority trying to instil table manners / sociability.

I would not allow books at the table but then my Dd is dyslexic so has never asked to read at the table!

kreesh the difference is one allows people to judge outright and the other causes mixed feelings

I think you were completely reasonable to do what you did, my 18mo is a nightmare in restaurants once finished eating and the alternative to a few minutes' screen time would be chasing him around the restaurant which would be far more annoying for other guests. My older kid used to be like this but is better now.

Other woman was not unreasonable in her views but was rude to say so loudly IMO.

She was ur to give her thoughts within ear shot.
I agree woth what she says. Start at 2 yo and (genuine question) does this not become a habbit that follows through their whole life?
I would not bring my phone out at dinner with friends. I find it sad that many people now do.
Ive a 2.5 yo i wouldnt dream of offering a phone or ipad at mealtime whatever the reason but your childrearing tactics have little baring on me.
However i can see why if she was questioned by her own little one as to why another child was allowed to watch it at the table she would have to give an answer along the lines of thats not how we do it in our family.....

People should mind their own business. my dd uses an ipad when I take her out for dinner. She is pretty much non verbal and has asd so it would be a very quiet meal otherwise. I only take her to kid friendly noisy places anyway so the volume is just part of the general hubub. I am appalled by the nasty smug parenting on here. In many ways those who refuse to use electronic devices often disturb my meal as their children run about and shout and svream bothering my dd who gets anxious with this. however I keep my mouth shut and let them get on with what they need to do.

I only allow my children to do cross stitch at the the table, or practice their mindfulness meditation. Anything else is pure savagery.

As for getting into the habit and never shaking it off, it's true - throughout a meal, I still make the high pitched whisking noise that used to make my dad grind his teeth with fury, when I was a child.

Be Warned.

Apologies that should be whistling - obviously I never whisked at the table - I wasn't that bad!

YABU for asking if others would leave and then calling them "martyrs" when they reply. And YABMoreU for having an iPad on in public without headphones.

The woman was right. The only unreasonable thing would be if she said that knowing you would hear, but it sounds like she didn't.

User and others, I wasn't being sanctimonious about playing peepo, using a sling etc- this was before iPads. If you wanted (or were away from home and needed) to eat out, you had to manage.

My kids were used to all sorts of silly songs, games and rhymes to pass the time while waiting for food to be served. As they got older we played that one where you pile hands up in the middle of the table getting faster and faster, when they were little it was round and round the garden...

If we were out near bedtime they would doze off on my lap, using a sling meant my hands were free but they were snuggled.

These were the days before videos in cars etc, when you passed the time by singing 'ten green bottles'.

It sounds deadly dull, I'm sure, but we managed. My DS was an incredibly active toddler, I remember the bliss which was telly tubbies, because at 18 months that was the only 20min slot of the day when he sat still. no day time nap for him. I was ragged. I'm sure I would have used iPads etc, if they had been invented!

What did people do in the days before the iPad?

Maybe we need to accept that having a peaceful meal with young children isn't realistic because most young children do get bored. That's why reception school classes don't have rows of desks, for example.

OP, when we were in holiday with our noisy pre-schooler, I looked longingly at everyone's well behaved kids watching peppa pig on a DVD. We hadn't bought our iPad and wished in hindsight that we had, such poor planning! Our 2 year old wasn't interested in books, toys or puzzles, but would have sat still as a statue for a DVD.

It made the difference between enjoying or meals or not. We didn't. We also fell out over leaving the table too early or not, and skipped deserts and all sorts. Horrible memories! If we could have changed it with a DVD I wouldn't have thought twice, and I definitely didn't judge those who brought their devices, in fact I envied their astute parenting skills and forethought.

We eat out a lot, the kids are used to it (3 and 6), and generally we don't take ipads and we talk and eat.

But if it's the end of a long week, or we're just out to eat because we can't be bothered to cook, rather than as a nice outing, then I'm happy to let the kids use and ipad or read a book once we've finished eating. It lets DP and I spend a bit longer at the table, finish a bottle of wine, have a coffee etc.

I fail to see the problem personally - it gives us that bit more time, and the volume is off so it doesn't annoy other customers. Before iPad we'd have been relegated to 'family' restaurants. With iPad we can have sushi or steak in a nice restaurant and not feel pressure to leave because the kids are getting fidgety.

hazey

I think the people who judge us for having electronic devices would probably also judge us if they weren't there and ds was having a meltdown because of sensory overload.

Perhaps I should sell my mashing machine and tumble drier because what did people do before that.

Imo time moves on and if I can enjoy a meal out with DC being quiet on iPad I will.

Oh definitely Eve - and usong sat navs when we could be teaching our children map reading skills? Puh-lease. It's the slippery slope, you mark my words.

To EVERYONE who hands over a phone or ipad to their kids. I think you are wrong wrong wrong. Doesnt matter how old your child is, they can either sit at a table and wait for you to eat, or you can entertain them whilst you eat, which means not eating in places where you know your child wont let you eat.
Its not even about manners, although that has a minor role to play in it. Its about children learning about the world around them. About learning to be bored. About learning to self entertain. About being present in the here and now. Why would you deprive your child of all that just so you can eat without having to interact with them?

Why would you deprive your child of all that just so you can eat without having to interact with them?

Because I don't like cold chips

Stitch your views are outdated, times have moved on. Anyone who pretends they never look at a device while in a cafe or restaurant is just a big liar.

Anyone who pretends they never look at a device while in a cafe or restaurant is just a big liar

I have a Fitbit so if I get important calls, I don't need to look at my phone as my watch vibrates and tells me who's calling.

I try not to look at devices because actually it is bloody rude. There's one thing glancing at your phone, but quite another to play full on games, check Twitter etc.

Why would you deprive your child of all that just so you can eat without having to interact with them?

ROFL - most people here who use them have explained that it's so that they can occasionally have an adult dinner, but with the kids. The alternatives are: Teach the kids to sit silent and still (doesn't sound that mind-expanding to me.. perhaps if they mediated?), not be able to have conversations the kids can't participate in (fine most of the time, but sometimes it's nice to talk to DP), leave them home with a babysitter (again, not exactly exposing them to new experiences), leave the restaurant quickly/go to a family restaurant (fine sometimes, but not every time).

Or with iPad, go to a nice restaurant (my 6 year old chomped through a delicious steak tartare at the weekend - now that is a new experience for him), and to keep it pleasant for everyone, hand out an ipad if they get bored waiting for a course/at the end.

I know which one I think keeps everyone happiest, and gives us all the best chance to try new things!

Stitch - Sometimes it is not about learning to be bored or to self entertain. It is about enabling someone to cope with an environment they would otherwise find distressing. My son uses devices to block out the noise of those chatting on the next table.

Stitchfusion because my daughter has ASD and we would never be able to leave the house otherwise, she wouldn't experience a Neal out because the background noise would cause a meltdown that would certainly interrupt everyone a hell of a lot more than a child sitting quietly with an iPad and some headphones.

Sancti-mummies ever go the whole hog with their bull shit do they?

Why send you child to school in any circumstance? Why give birth to them if you aren't going to educate and care for them 24hiurs a day for yourself?

Why do you use electric appliances. Dish washers? Microwaves? You are reaching your children laziness. Do it the good old fashioned way slobby gits.

I suppose you even have those new fangled houses with bricks. Idiots. Make your own shit shack, you are depriving your children of vital life skills.