Were we being unreasonable?? Genuinely don't see the problem...

[Alexandriaaaa]

We are away for a few days with DD who is almost 2.

She has had a very busy day today. Swimming, walking, soft play etc. She's tired tonight. Hotel has a family restaurant so we booked a table for 5pm so the three of us could eat together. DD had a kids meal. Busy, noisy restaurant, kids everywhere.

DH and I were feeding DD her food and having the odd mouthful of our food in between. When DD was finished we continued eating. She was colouring in but she got bored and started to moan and cry. Didn't want to sit on either of our knees, wanted to get down and explore, so I gave her my ipad and put peppa Pig on YouTube. She sat quietly in her high chair for ten minutes while we finished our food. Literally ten mins, no longer than that. Volume was right down, but the restaurant was pretty noisy so I can't see that it would have made any difference anyway.

I saw a wee boy at a nearby table craning his neck to see Peppa. He asked his mum could he come over to watch. I tried to catch her eye to say that was fine if he wanted to. But she said to him (I don't think she knew I could hear her) "no, we don't watch tv at the table. it's bad manners and a bad habit and that little girls parents shouldn't be letting her do that

Not so nice really. I'm not bothered TBH, I just don't really see the harm in it, it's not like it was disturbing or affecting anyone else, or like she was plonked in front of it and ignored for the duration of our meal. But is it bad form?? Were we unreasonable??

Op my DS is two too. He never has gadgets at the table. If he's refusing to sit still and colour / chat / play with his teddy then we leave. Yes, leave, sometimes halfway through the meal. I believe good manners mean ensuring the people around you aren't uncomfortable and so we decided that as eating out isn't an automatic right, that we'd try to teach him to behave. Most of the time it works, sometimes it doesn't but he's learning. And honestly to have the volume on at any level is utterly unacceptable in public. I've been in a restaurant where I had to listen to the murmuring of that awful pig from an iPad on the next table and it was really distracting. Headphones exist for a reason.

I never quite understand these posts. You are the mum and clearly a good mum. It really doesn't matter what other people think. You do what's right for you and your family.

If you need to get the iPhone out to keep your little one occupied while you finish your tea then my god use it. That's partly why iphones are there, for situations like this

I can't believe there are people who would sit there judging this. Mind your own business and realise there are probably parenting choices you make that others are judging. I'd be embarrassed to admit I was sitting in judgment on another family over something that was absolutely nothing to do with me.

Home if you want to martyr yourself to the cause then go right ahead. I may make choices that you don't agree with but I'm glad I don't live my life that way. Sounds very dull and joyless to feel that you don't have an "automatic right" to something as utterly ordinary as finishing a meal in a restaurant.

There weren't ipads when my dc were little, and phones were just for texts and calls
As technology emerged though, the youngest was treated the same as her much older siblings who hardly ever had devices.
I wouldn't judge others though, unless it was loud or I could hear it and was bothering me.
But then I'd tell you straight no PA.

Home how's the view up there on your high horse?! Must be incredible being so perfect. Shame on all of us less than perfect parents.

Well, I personally agree with the woman. We don't allow, and never have allowed, iPads or anything at the table. But I do understand the appeal, and try not to judge when I see others doing it, because I don't know their situation, don't know what kind of day they've had, don't know their child and possibly this is them picking their battles?

But I wouldn't take it to heart that she said that to her son. If she'd just said to him, "No", he probably would've questioned. So her telling him X, Y, Z was the quickest way to address the issue. If she didn't think you heard, then she wasn't intending to be rude to you.

No electronics at the table here & that rule goes for us parents too! When my older kids small would bring colouring stuff n little toys to keep occupied (now some could argue is that same as a tablet - I don't think so) & now they 7 & 9 either engage in conversation or bring card games etc I do think it's a bad habit but I'd never say it to anyone who does it (almost) to their face like that. That's rude. My littlest is only 4 mths who knows what I'll resort to in the end!

We didn't have an iPad when dd was little. Rarely went out to eat because she was so fussy and I needed to take her food as she wouldn't eat anything, which needed chewing so only mush until around 2.5. I think there is a massive difference between giving a child an iPad for a short period of time and bunging them in front of it constantly, which would reduce their ability of developing creativity, imagination, fine motor skills etc. I think this explanation is why iPad use in restaurants is frowned upon. However, op was doing the former. Where's the harm?

I meant to add. Now dd is older we have a no electronics at the table unless to take photos in the restaurant.

Have to say, you've done nothing wrong by giving the ipad to your little one, if it wasn't too noisy or interfering with somebody.

However the woman clearly hasn't engaged you, she was perfectly respectable and was explaining to her child why he wasn't allowed to watch also. What exactly is the issue?

Ironically Home 's point that "good manners mean ensuring the people around you aren't uncomfortable" puts the woman who made the comment in the "bad mannered" category :o

What is the famous AA Gill line on manners? Something along the lines of:

Good etiquette dictates you don't drink from the finger bowl, good manners dictates that if the person next to you does drink from the finger bowl you do it too, to stop them feeling uncomfortable" :o

I think I don't like iPads at the table because they represent the idea that children must. E seen and not heard. They allow people to carry on as if they don't have children as their child shuts up.

With something like colouring etc, it isn't quite so extreme. The dcs don't get sucked in - they can still interact. Electronic screens grab your attention in such a way that you zone out much more more.

Using colouring books/stickers are age appropriate ways of keeping children from getting bored. iPads are a slippery slope.

As my kids get older I want them to join in my adult conversations - chatting to children helps them and me to think, see different points of view and learn how to socialise.

We use electronic toys that are on quiet volume with ds when eating out. The noise coming from them means he can cope and not have a meltdown from the noise of other peoples chatting. He can't cope with headphones yet. Colouring etc even if he was able to do it, probably wouldn't work.

I have a "no devices at the table" rule.
I also used to have a ""no ipad for my child" "no sugar for my child" "no eating in the supermarket" rule (s)
I do think that it's impolite for people to be on their phones/ ipads/ reading the paper at the table. I don't want my children to think it's ok to get their phones out and scroll away at mealtimes.
But a toddler in a restaurant? I would offer them an ipad or phone to watch a movie or play a game quietly at the end of the meal without batting an eyelid. Why make them miserable or leave the table, or end your meal?
I wouldn't plug them in for the duration of the evening but I don't see the ipad as distinct from colouring, reading or an onsite play area, none of which I would object to for my children.

I'm pretty sure the woman knew you could hear. I've 'overheard' remarks directed at us over DS's behaviour once or twice and I'm sure they are intentionally just on the loud side of quiet. They get to make thei opinions heard but without confrontation. I just glare them.

She should just have said no.the Bad manners comment and that you shouldn't be letting you DD do that - if that's how she felt and wanted her on yo know the real reason she refused, she tells him in the car.

I bet there are 100 things she lets her son do/get away with that you would disapprove off.

We never used the iPad at meals but in all honesty, the few times we did go out, I jus never ever thought of upbringing it. I think each to their own. One child, on their own watching an iPad for 10 minutes sees fine. Watching a family of 4 - 2 adults, 2 kids, wait on their food with the 2 adults on their phones and 2 kids in their iPads, with very little interaction with each other - now THAT's incredibly sad. And this happens all the time.

Oops wrong thread

A thought has just occurred to me. If we go out for breakfast I see nothing wrong with dh and I sitting reading the papers, which are provided by the restaurant, over a coffee, whilst the dc amuse themselves on the tablet or whatever.

But for lunch or dinner, there is no way we would be so unsociable. Context makes a difference.

I had my children pre iPads, and we kept them busy at the table by playing games, singing rhymes, patacake, peepo etc.

Oh fuck that. Children also need to learn that the world doesn't revolve around them and their desires all of the time. A child sitting and watching an ipad whilst the adults have a conversation is not going to cause the child to implode. There's nothing worse than going out for an adult meal and you have to spend the whole time engaging in conversation with Little Johnny and what he did at school this week, who is his best friend, what footy team does he like and what Lego he built this week for the whole freaking dinner because Mummy doesn't allow iPads and thinks that he is the centre of the fucking universe.

Have to admit i am surprised people think it's ok to have the volume on in a restaurant. Even if it's already noisy - it adds to the cacophony and however low, it is that 'tinny' jarring sound another pp mentioned which is hard to ignore. But this may be that i am out of touch! Is that now a 'done thing' in restaurants?

There is a cerain irony about someone who is talking about 'bad manners' making critical comments about other people within earshot!

We've always used the iPad. At first she would watch all the way through a meal. 6 months later she'd have it after about half an hour. Now (aged 3) she happily sits through lunch just chatting or playing with table toys/colouring.

She's a terror at home but people always comment on how brilliant she is eating out. It's nobody else's business what you do. Different parents different techniques.

I dont think YABU OP - but then I dont think the other woman was either. Is it possible she was just explaining to her DC and being a bit tactless about it. A simple 'no' is often followed by choruses of why for 20 minutes.

I also feel quite strongly about no tablets/ipads/phones at tables too. I do think it's bad manners but placating a 2 year old with it for ten minutes whilst you both finished your dinner wouldn't have bothered me at all. It bothers me a lot more when I see parents with their heads in the phones paying their kids no attention whatsoever then wondering why said kid then screams the place down out of boredom. I often do what you do OP and let DS have the phone whilst waiting for food or like you did, whilst you two had some sort of a semblance of a meal. I've had the odd looks in some places but I'm saving them from an epic ear piercing meltdown so know I'm okay.

What's the difference between reading a book and playing on an iPad at a dinner table?