Family gathering, niece doesn't like dogs.

[talksensetome]

We are having a family gathering tomorrow to mark 20 years since our mum died, therefore my brothers and sisters will all be there, along with partners and children.

My sister (sister2) is hosting, she is ok with dogs although doesn't own one anymore. I have a dog which I would like to take, he is a good dog and doesn't jump up or run around barking.

Our other sister (sister 1) has said she would rather I don't take the dog as my niece is scared of them.

I would usually get our younger sister (sister 3) to dog sit but given the occasion she will obviously be there too.

Would I be unreasonable to push it a little and ask could I take the dog and leave him in the kitchen? the children will probably be playing upstairs most of the evening and the smokers of the group tend to congregate in the kitchen so its easier to get to the back door.

I don't really want to leave Dog on his own all evening because he will cry, he doesn't get left alone for long periods usually.

So WIBU to make this suggestion and potentially put DSis 1 in a position she would rather not be or am I being one of THOSE dog owners?

You're being one of those dog owners.

We have missed family events before as my db insists on having his dog there, meaning we don't take my two young children.

No she hasn't been attacked and they have had several dogs of their own and happily go to her two separate friends houses who both have dogs. That's why I used doesn't like/scared, because I genuinely don't know the details but am happy to accept their is an issue there, I am just assuming it can't be that bad a phobia when they have exceptions when dogs are ok.

Only last week she was saying her son wants me to breed my dog so he can have a puppy off it! how would that work if niece is so scared.

Maybe I should have put that in the Opening post but it's hard when you are making a post to always know how much info is relevant without overdoing it and including their shoe size and favourite colour iyswim.

Anyway they would rather I don't bring Dog and I have accepted that it would be unreasonable to make the suggestion of keeping him in the kitchen, it is good to get a rounded view to help you see sense.

Now my DS wants to take his super soaker.... that's ok right?

Op glad you are looking for an alternative

To be honest, the mollycoddle thing annoyed me a bit too. I have heard people saying this about my dd1 (well not that term, I have never heard that term used but am assuming it means what I think it does haha).

She has ASD, many people don't realise this and don't get why I am so 'protective' of her. All children are different and it is right that we should treat them accordingly. I am sure there is a reason why your niece is treated differently in this respect to her siblings - or perhaps it is just your perception of the situation. Who knows. Your use of that word in the op really didn't help your case though.

It does sound like your sister is being a bit awkward in that case - is she usually awkward?

Long time dog-owner here and I wouldn't dream of taking my dog anywhere unless she'd been invited. Respect other people's wishes.

Your last post does make it all sound a bit odd, OP. I don't mean to be rude, but could it be that your niece doesn't like your particular dog for some reason? I really dislike dogs, but have various friends who have them and there's definitely a "pecking order" in my mind (eg Jane's dog is old and just sits in the corner so is fine, Sue has an enormous dog that keeps sticking its nose in my crotch so is really not fine - that sort of thing!)

I know she doesn't have any additional needs, it is literally because she is the baby of the family. I am certainly guilty of it to an extent myself with my DS. I am not judging the fact that she is mollycoddled just thought it is relevant to the situation.

Given that emotions will be running high anyway I will just avoid the possibility of conflict and not press the issue.

Oh and I am most definitely not breeding Dog in case anyone thinks for a minute that I considered it. I said categorically NO.

NataliaOsipova that is quite possible, my dog is a large dog and a bit mean looking so maybe it is not a fear of dogs, just a fear of my dog. although she could have just said that and I would have totally understood. we get that reaction a lot.

I think your neice's feelings should be more important to you than your dog's.

But Fleur I chose my dog, I didn't choose my niece. that is a joke by the way. I love all my nieces and nephews, I just thought it could be a solution to keep them separate. I have been told that it is not and I am fully on board with that and have already texted a few friends to ask if they would look after Dog for a few hours.

he is an American bulldog Navy which I deliberately left out because I have previously had a wave of posters who think they should not be allowed on the same planet as any children and it may have swayed the responses.

If a child is scared of dogs you don't take your dog to an event where they might meet. People come first.

But after your last post you need to phone your sister and ask questions why, when she is ok with other dogs, you cant bring yours. It might be something specific about your dog that has scared her in the past, is it a barky dog? I'm own a dog and I'm generally with dogs generally, but my SIL's medium sized GSD/Collie cross is very bouncy and vocal, it puts me on edge.

my dog is a large dog and a bit mean looking so maybe it is not a fear of dogs, just a fear of my dog

I think that's fair to say. Maybe they just said she's scared of all dogs because they thought you are one of THOSE dog owners and would kick off if you thought just your dog wasn't allowed and you would be insulted. You did ask your dog to a family gathering so its probably why they assumed you might be

Glad its sorted now though - shows you're not totally one of THOSE dog owners, maybe next time ask well in advanced though, just asking the day before seems you're a little presumptuous that he would be allowed to come.

There's been alot of fall out recently in our family because of one relative treating their dog like a child and insisting she can't be left alone. She can she's a dog. Turning up to first birthday parties etc.

It's a blooming dog leave it at home. It's one evening! Yabu.

Have you got a friend/neighbour who could pop round for a bit, to give DDog strokes and pats, and a walk? And thank them with a bottle of something nice?

x-post, but I can see how an American Bulldog, or any large bull breed, could make some young children who are not familiar with them nervous. They look powerful and all mouth rather than cuddly.

I will ask the question after the weekend about why she is ok with other dogs. I don't want to ask before incase it seems like I am pressurising her to accept it. I am assuming now though that it is just my dog and that's fair enough, would have just rather she was honest in the first place.

And one of THOSE owners I am but I saw sense in the end eh.