Family gathering, niece doesn't like dogs.

[talksensetome]

We are having a family gathering tomorrow to mark 20 years since our mum died, therefore my brothers and sisters will all be there, along with partners and children.

My sister (sister2) is hosting, she is ok with dogs although doesn't own one anymore. I have a dog which I would like to take, he is a good dog and doesn't jump up or run around barking.

Our other sister (sister 1) has said she would rather I don't take the dog as my niece is scared of them.

I would usually get our younger sister (sister 3) to dog sit but given the occasion she will obviously be there too.

Would I be unreasonable to push it a little and ask could I take the dog and leave him in the kitchen? the children will probably be playing upstairs most of the evening and the smokers of the group tend to congregate in the kitchen so its easier to get to the back door.

I don't really want to leave Dog on his own all evening because he will cry, he doesn't get left alone for long periods usually.

So WIBU to make this suggestion and potentially put DSis 1 in a position she would rather not be or am I being one of THOSE dog owners?

Jeez, some really bitchy people on this thread. The OP said she would find another solution and yet people continue to be rude and nasty.

It is not realistic to take your dog to every evening event you attend, but I think you know this and it sounds sensible to take action to make it ok for your dog to be left alone again as you can't have one person in the house day and night for ever, can you?

Our relatives brought their dog to visit us one time and it attacked our cat. It isn't always about people being welcoming or not scared (although lots of people don't like dogs or are scared of them), it can just be they have other pets! And if you were meeting in a restaurant, you couldn't take the dog, could you?

You are one of THOSE dog owners!

And I suspect you have no clue how many other people you've hacked off by trailing your dog round with you

This is going to be one of those threads now

OP - shall I take the dog
Posters - No, YABU, find an alternative
OP - OK, IABU, fair enough, I'll find an alternative

Cue 50 posts saying YABVVVVVU etc from people who haven't RTFT

I sometimes think dog owners can't win though, as if they leave their dog alone for any significant portion of time (e.g. a few hours) and they bark, everyone has a go at them for neglecting the dog. If they try to stay in a lot/give it constant company, and take it everywhere with them, then the above situation may happen. I have a friend that has been working from home and it does make it harder to leave the dogs once they get used to having someone around all the time, so I don't think the OP should be judged too harshly for this.

Dogs should be in owners houses or out walking, they shouldn't be visiting along with their owner.

Dogs can certainly go out visiting with their owners and it's great when they can. Most Sunday afternoons in the warmer months at my house involve up to 15/16 dogs and their humans all in the swimming pool. There is nothing wrong with the dogs coming along under those circumstances as they are more than welcome and everyone who comes along is also involved in dogs.

YANU.

My eldest is far from being 'mollycoddled' and she has a big fear of dogs.

No idea where it came from and I do try and rationalise with her about it. But a fear is a fear. I accept that she has this. And I see how she acts.

Your dog will be fine for one night.

Stop 'mollycoddling' your pet.

*YABU

That should say

Our dog, a springer spaniel, leaves white hair and probably that doggy whiff everywhere. Constantly vacuuming and cleaning. Would never take her to someone else's house and expect them not to mind the extra hassle. People are mostly unwilling to be honest if you ask them if they mind, they just feel resentful that you've put them in an uncomfortable position.

Please don't take it.
I have a 16yo who is inexplicably terrified of dogs. Bringing her into close contact with them makes her very uncomfortable. She would spend the entire time nervous, and worried.
My other two love dogs.
She's not scared of much, and doesn't make a fuss, but you would see her sitting silently in a corner, which would be her way of processing her fear. Even if you let it in the other room it would be on her mind the whole time, because at some point someone will let it out.

Where on earth do you all think I am taking my dog. I have already stated more than once that the reason it is an issue THIS time is because my two dog sitters, Brother and sister, will be with me.

I also stated that I rarely go visiting anyone. I don't rock up at peoples houses with dog every night.

I have three young children so pretty much stay in of an evening anyway by the time we have done homework, dinner, walked the dog, bath it is youngest DC bedtime.

If I go to visit my dad or my best friend yes I take Dog because I know he is welcome. I have a relationship with them that they are comfortable enough to be honest with me, not just polite.

I hate the thought of someone looking at a loved, cherished child and making a judgement that they are being 'mollycoddled'. I wouldn't look at a marriage and decide that one partner was being spoilt and I wouldn't judge other people's parenting either. You really can't tell unless you know the child like they do.

gosh no, NannyOgg, I missed that, thank you so much for policing the boards to make sure every word is read and understood. You are a credit to MN.

I don't understand why, just because it's AIBU, people feel the need to have a go at the OP when she just asked a question, read the replies, took them on board and agreed with the majority.

I don't expect people to read every word, but it wouldn't kill them to read the OP's posts as that's pretty much the point of the thread.

Family member of mine brings her dog to things its a pita, you cant have the dog in the kitchen the kids might go in the kitchen the neice might get frightened people trying to squeeze out of doors so dog doesnt get into other parts of the house its a right faff do you never leave your dog op ?

How do you know that though Itsme? Before I got my Dog I didn't mind my friends visiting with their dogs. I have also dog sat several times for my sister who is hosting and my best friend. Sadly both had to rehome their dogs earlier this year due a change in circumstances but bringing their dogs was never an issue. You can't speak on behalf of all Non Dog owners and say dogs aren't welcome. My ex used to bring his dog (now my dog) every time he stayed. not an issue.

Thanks NannyOgg the worst bit is when people make things up just to suit the agenda, like me pissing off lots of people by trailing my dog around, when I have clearly said several times that I usually leave Dog (and the kids) with my sister if I go out in the evening.

I am mind-boggled by the sheer arrogance of some dog owners who think that just because they love dogs, then people who don't have some sort of "problem" that they will cure by getting them used to them. Arrogant beyond belief!!!!

+1 for this.
Thirded.

it was like having a toddler as my sister had to check it didn't jump up on the sofa, take it for walks etc.

I didn't know dogs could take sofas for walks.

MrsJayy I don't at the moment but not through design. He was originally left alone for a couple of hours twice a day whilst I am at work. However my sister and her partner came to stay with me a few weeks ago so it has worked out that he hasn't been alone for awhile. We didn't realise this was a problem until, we did leave him alone for 20 mins and I came back to him howling.

So its not a case of deliberately having someone in the house all the time for the dogs sake.

I just think you're struggling to understand your niece is really scared.

You have mentioned she is mollycoddled and perhaps she is but she can still be mollycoddled and have a real fear.

You also said in your title that she doesn't 'like' dogs then went on to say she's scared. I think this makes it look like you don't see the phobia as seriously as she or her mother does.

Lastly you have admitted to knowing your niece is scared but still want '' to push it a little''.

I think due to these factors people have come on to continue to explain why they don't think its a good idea so you will take the phobia more seriously and be a little more considerate. I'm glad you're getting an alternative though!