Family gathering, niece doesn't like dogs.

[talksensetome]

We are having a family gathering tomorrow to mark 20 years since our mum died, therefore my brothers and sisters will all be there, along with partners and children.

My sister (sister2) is hosting, she is ok with dogs although doesn't own one anymore. I have a dog which I would like to take, he is a good dog and doesn't jump up or run around barking.

Our other sister (sister 1) has said she would rather I don't take the dog as my niece is scared of them.

I would usually get our younger sister (sister 3) to dog sit but given the occasion she will obviously be there too.

Would I be unreasonable to push it a little and ask could I take the dog and leave him in the kitchen? the children will probably be playing upstairs most of the evening and the smokers of the group tend to congregate in the kitchen so its easier to get to the back door.

I don't really want to leave Dog on his own all evening because he will cry, he doesn't get left alone for long periods usually.

So WIBU to make this suggestion and potentially put DSis 1 in a position she would rather not be or am I being one of THOSE dog owners?

[metaphoricus]

The niece will have to get over not liking dogs sometime

Not necessarily. I dislike them just as much now I'm in my 50s as I did when I was 10. If not more. Just saying.

[talksensetome]

I couldn't agree more Itsme which is why when it was pointed out on here I quickly conceded and made alternate plans. Don't you ever have an idea which seems like it could work at the time but actually when you think about it, it wasn't a great idea after all? I wasn't stubborn and single minded, I accepted I was wrong.

Yes that was petty, very petty but sometimes it's ok to be petty. we can't all be gracious and accommodating all of the time and it is nice sometimes to someone's awkwardness backfire on them.

I have a fantastic relationship with 2 of 3 sisters and our brother. Older dsis has fallen out with both dsisters and dbrother several times over the years and the only reason she hasn't had a to do with me is because I don't engage, we have a friendly but distant relationship. I am fairly confident that the problem one is not me.

[7SunshineSeven7]

Ooer.

[talksensetome]

No 7 she didn't, both younger sister and I turned around in unison and said that of course they couldn't go because she is scared of the dog and older sis kind of stuttered a bit and said, oh, oh yes. Younger sister didn't want to take them anyway so she was glad of the excuse and I didn't want 2 extra kids to deal with the next day hung over as mine were going to their dads at 10am so I could have an easy day.

I know it is definitely not my dogs behaviour so can only assume it is the breed or more likely that older sis just hadn't had anything to complain about so far so jumped on that. We usually change dates or venue to accommodate her which is why no one ever wants to organise anything because it is so hard to keep her happy.

[7SunshineSeven7]

Just curious - did her daughter end up going back to your house with your other sister or did she not?

Maybe the sister forgot the dog was there? Not defending, just curious, obviously if the kid ended up going to your house anyway obviously the dog wasn't really the problem.

If she didn't go and is now planning on getting a dog for themselves it appears its just your dog (whether behaviour or breed) is the problem. Your dog looks lovely, its a shame big dogs get judged that way but as you said before, you can understand :(

[talksensetome]

itsmine how on earth have you got that impression from this thread.

I asked would it be reasonable to suggest a compromise, I was told no it's not reasonable, I agreed and never once mentioned it in real life, made other arrangements, went and had a nice time and still bit my tongue even when Dsis completely contradicted herself about the dog fear when it suited her.

If you get 'stamping feet and expectation' from that well I just don't understand how.

[harrypotternerd]

I try and teach my kids the warnings because unfortunately you get irresponsible dog owners who do have aggressive dogs out in public.

[ThisIsReallyNotMyName]

Harry. I agree there would actually be some sort of warning.

[harrypotternerd]

I understand that but I was trying to show the OP that the dogs are extremely friendly. Perhaps I should have said that. But I will say one thing.
One of the dogs was faced with a rather aggressive dog while I was walking her. This is normally one of the times that a dog will become aggressive. She decided to hide behind us.
I also supervise my dogs at all times when they are around children, not because I think they would bit but because you do not know what can happen.
I have also never met a dog (my mum bred many types of dogs for many years and I have volunteered at animal shelters) that has snapped without warning. There will be some type of warning such as the dogs body language or a growl.

[ThisIsReallyNotMyName]

OP I have three gorgeous dogs (a kelpie, a blue heeler and a german short haired pointer x kelpie) and they would never hurt a fly. They are extremely well trained and adore kids

I really have a problem with statements like this. I adore dogs and have two spaniels who dare also extremely well trained and adore kids. However, no one can say that their dog 'would never hurt a fly'. Any dog can snap for a multitude of reasons without warning, no matter how well trained they are.

[harrypotternerd]

OP I have three gorgeous dogs (a kelpie, a blue heeler and a german short haired pointer x kelpie) and they would never hurt a fly. They are extremely well trained and adore kids.

My ex does not like dogs. He is trying to convince my 3 year old to be afraid of dogs so he can try and use that in family court. It's not working. I am just wondering if your sister is doing something similar?

[SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius]

They don't call me genius for nothing, honeyroar I have to pay them a LOT

[northernmonkey1010]

It's not fair on the dog with all that passive smoke. I'd leave it at home instead of been one of those dog owners.

[honeyroar]

SDTGisanevilwolfegenius, thank you! I never knew you could highlight posters, that's so much better when it comes to wading through long threads of place marking!

[talksensetome]

There won't be a fall out over it or anything, I just find it silly how she has to have that reassurance e that she is important at our age.
Either way a good time was had by all and dog was happy to see us when we got home.

[talksensetome]

I had the feeling that niece wasn't really scared.
Sis has form for needing every event to be changed somehow to accommodate her, probably one of the reasons why we meet altogether so infrequently.
She was telling us all about the puppy they are considering, a Bishon Frieze (terrible spelling) so niece can't be that scared. Although I admit a world apart from an American bulldog.

[SpunkyMummy]

That's rather awful.

If her child is really terrified of dogs it's especially awful. And if she isn't... well, in this case that's still really selfish and rude!

[mumontherun14]

Sounds quite annoying - she jut wanted it all her own way. Well you did your best and made more of an effort to keep the peace so at least your conscious is clear xxx

[ohfourfoxache]

Just

Fuck it, you did the right thing, your sister sounds like an arse

[talksensetome]

Well I left the dog at home with a sitter.

My sister who is staying with me, and her partner offered to take my kids home early, she is pregnant and tired and he doesn't get on especially well with anyone else.

When sister 1 realised that she was taking the kids home to mine she actually had the cheek to ask her to take her kids too!
Dsis3 and I both said But niece is terrified of the dog!
Sister said oh, oh yea.

Funny how dniece can cope with dogs when dsis 1 wants to get pissed kid free.

[teawamutu]

Well, staggered might be a slight exaggeration. I've been here a long time

Maybe it's the difference between being a default lurker or not - I love mumsnet because there's always something to read, and post relatively rarely.