Family gathering, niece doesn't like dogs.

[talksensetome]

We are having a family gathering tomorrow to mark 20 years since our mum died, therefore my brothers and sisters will all be there, along with partners and children.

My sister (sister2) is hosting, she is ok with dogs although doesn't own one anymore. I have a dog which I would like to take, he is a good dog and doesn't jump up or run around barking.

Our other sister (sister 1) has said she would rather I don't take the dog as my niece is scared of them.

I would usually get our younger sister (sister 3) to dog sit but given the occasion she will obviously be there too.

Would I be unreasonable to push it a little and ask could I take the dog and leave him in the kitchen? the children will probably be playing upstairs most of the evening and the smokers of the group tend to congregate in the kitchen so its easier to get to the back door.

I don't really want to leave Dog on his own all evening because he will cry, he doesn't get left alone for long periods usually.

So WIBU to make this suggestion and potentially put DSis 1 in a position she would rather not be or am I being one of THOSE dog owners?

Ha ha! Farfar
OP - how about Phenergan sedstive for the dog while you're out?

penelope I know!!!

FWIW having RTFT, OP, YABVU. HTH?

Please please don't laser my dog! I promise not to take him and have a babysitter all lined up, lasering him is just too extreme!

But.... I also think you shouldn't put others in an awkward position of asking again if you can take your dog to their house, he is a a very big dog.

Isn't it strange... all these things that happen on MN but never in the real world. I have friends with dogs. They never bring them to my house or ask me if they can. We've never had a conversation about it so they don't know how I feel, it's just not something anyone I know would do.

Lighten up navy it was my (clearly poor) attempt at humour after posting the wrong thing about Fanjo waxing on a dog thread!

No need to swear so rudely at me.

Surely you don't take your dog everywhere you go and it must be used to being alone for a bit? What do you do with it when you go out to work? I would leave it, but I speak as someone who's terrified of dogs so perhaps I am biased.

heron no, the dog isn't left. It was but it isn't now as OP has rellies staying and between them all dog is not on it's own. However, OP is trying to train dog to be left.

It's a bit worrying that a dog which is trained can become untrained so easily.

Roussette

I don't see why one shouldn't ask. Especially close friends or family.

They either say yes or no. It's just asking...

Yes it is just asking but... in asking I do think there is an air of expectation which could make it awkward.

Still.... it's better than turning up without asking! (as happened to me with a do I had here and the dog was terrifying and was trying to eat all the beef kebabs I had made. I was none too happy!)

Roussette

I'm not a dog owner, but I wouldn't feel pressured if somebody asked me. I think it's ok to ask close friends and family.

Acquaintances, new friends, people from work...? In these cases one simply shouldn't bring the doggy, I agree.

One of my aunts has 5 dogs (or something. Maybe currently less or more)... but she luckily leaves them in the stables when we invite her to family parties.

Yes ok to ask close friends and family. I wouldn't, but I do get that.

How on it is to ask depends a bit on the dynamic - it can put the host in a difficult "stuck in the middle" position when it's a gathering that is moderately important everyone attends (as in the anniversary of the OP's mum's death, and various other family occasions which people often feel it is important to attend).

My sister has a nightmare dog - not a "dangerous" breed but very nippy, jumpy, barky, fast moving and I think probably anxious. It has nipped an drawn blood on numerous occasions, including nipping one of my DC as a toddler when we were visiting my mother and she and the dog came into the house where DC were playing on the floor totally unexpectedly - I didn't know she was coming over nor that she had the dog with her -she says the injury was my then 18 month olds fault for not knowing to keep his hand still when the dog ran up to him and "mouthed" his hand .

She won't leave the dog at home ever, but insists it goes where she goes and brings it to my mum's when we are staying there visiting my mum - after my son was bitten (the wound wasn't deep but was ragged and took a long time to heal) and other people told me they'd been bitten too I asked my sister not to bring it while we were at my mums and she fell out with me over it, saying my children needed to be taught how to be around dogs. I asked my mum to ask her not to bring the dog just for out2 day visit and my mum said she had and sister had agreed, but when we arrived there was the dog, shut into the living room where my kids "didn't have to go" meaning my mother served lunch in the garden under an awning in the rain because the kitchen is small, while the dog had the warm dry large living room

My mother cried when I asked why the dog was there as it was "important" to my sister her dog not be "left out" and she didn't want anyone to fall out. My sister only lives 10 minutes from my mum and we live hours away and only manage to visit fairly rarely, but my sister's attitude to the dogs supreme right to be at a house not even it's own puts us off visit more.

This is not meant to be bashingtalksense at all - she is being very reasonable - but the posters who keep popping on to say "take the dog" or the child "will have to learn" or "just ask, how can that be unreasonable?" It can be if it puts the host in an awkward position because they want both dog owner and person who is unhappy with the dog being there to be at the social event and end up stuck in the middle.

It has nipped an drawn blood on numerous occasions, including nipping one of my DC as a toddler when we were visiting my mother and she and the dog came into the house where DC were playing on the floor totally unexpectedly

As I said above, I love dogs. But if I saw a dog drawing blood from a toddlers hand?! Well, my first instinct would probably be killing the dog... but seeing as it's actually not the dog's fault (the owner probably just didn't train it correctly) I might transfer my slightly murderous rage to the owner.

Your sister sounds like an arse. Tell your mother to buy a dog cage?

Reminds me of the time a good number of years ago when my sister asked me to come and stay with her for 4 nights while her housemate was away so she would feel safer. I agreed and myself and 3 year old travelled 3 hours on the train. Turns out she had a little bouncy jumpy yappy dog (forget the breed but it was about the size of a border collie). Also had 2 or 3 cats. I'm not hugely keen on dogs, especially ones that jump up at you and run around a lot but she treated the dog as some kind of human. I asked if the dog could stay outside in the garden but no. So myself and my 3 year old had to amuse ourselves all day long while she was at work (wasn't a very nice area so nothing to do in walking distance other than walk around streets of terraced houses) and I barely went in the kitchen as every time I did the dog would go mental. So we were sat in a houseshare house hungry and fairly cold and with me not feeling relaxed enough to go and make food and drinks for us. When she got home she would sit for an hour or so with the dog in the kitchen (as it had been lonely all day) then take it out for a walk and before you knew it, it was bed time again! Very miserable days made even more miserable knowing that we were really only there are security for her! Memories of no tv to watch and no childrens toys other that the 2 little cars we had taken are coming back to me!

Leave the dog at home for gods sake

RTFT, Daydream - the OP said yesterday that she was going to leave the dog at home.

It really is not difficult to highlight the posts from the OP on a thread, and read their updates, even if you don't bother reading the whole thread.

The thing is it's not the scared persons fault (I was attacked as a child by a loose guard dog, I was not "breaking the rules" of interaction with dogs, it jumped out of a van as I walked past) and it's not the dog's fault.
But neither is a party a phobia therapy session.

Because I've met a fair few people who think dogs only nip when folk "break the rules" ... but never look at their rules/responsibility as owners to train and treat with kindness. It's infuriating.

I'm ok with calm dogs now. Mainly as since adulthood no one has forced their dog on me in a ham fisted "cure" attempt or blamed me for "smelling of fear" and making the dog hate me. Lots of that as a kid. Or calling my fear a dislike as if I'm pro animal cruelty or something.
People treat kids with fears differently from adults.
Now I'm fine in the park with loose dogs, or in a house with someone's dog if it's not barking etc. Because I'm able to keep my distance if I want or approach if I want same as the dog.

My son is 7, nearly 8. He is very nervous around dogs. In this situation he would be anxious all evening, worried the dog would get out, and therefore so would I. (I'm fine with dogs, try to downplay his anxiety, but his feelings are valid. He's eye to eye with a medium sized dog, and smaller than a large dog. I'm not surprised he's wary)

I think as long as niece and dog are kept apart from one another I don't see the problem, my niece is scared of my parents dogs so when she visits they are shut upstairs/kitchen/garden x

TAKE THE DOG - I hate moaning kids that don't like animals!!!! Their parents are just turning them into little pansies!!!!