Not wanting to breastfeed

[Cocklodger]

99.9 percent sure I'm going to be causing a bun fight, really hoping that doesn't happen.
My LG is a few days old. I don't want to breastfeed.
I just,don't want to. Its difficult, It feels unpleasant (I have tried) I really don't like it, Its much easier for me to FF and I know FF is almost as good.
When I told my MW I didn't want to I felt forced to try, still don't like it now.
But I've had a couple of (negative) comments already about it, I don't feel like elaborating hugely so just say ''I just don't want to'', soon to be ex h has had massive a strop about it, My sister and mother have commented also.
Is it U for these comments to be made?
Surely its my right to choose how my baby gets fed without judgement.

I did one of each. FF was on the whole the most healthy and the one without asthma. I don't believe it made any difference at all, and FF is def most convenient (especially for a winter baby!).

You will always be criticised, try and ignore. Nobody loves your baby more than you and it's your choice.

'Hetero: I doubt the OP is that interested in what you would do if you were her. You're not her and she has made her own decision on this.'

I'm not quite sure why she posted, then, tbh. I don't need to validate with others decisions I'm comfortable with. Surely a post on here invites comment.

Cocklodger, not entirely true. The thing about the recommendations only being for developing countries is a popular myth, but not true either.

I do second what a PP says about adequate being good enough in a whole range of situations. There are enough issues/times in my decade+ of parenting thus far when my parenting has been good enough rather than super-shiningly brilliant.

Navy and white
According to this post
"OP I understand.

I was like you many many years ago with my first. My sister pressured me in to trying it as she'd had an easy time breastfeeding.

I did try. And I'm SO glad I did. Just from a lazy angle I found it easy especially at night. No getting out of bed just latched him on!

But if after you've given it a good go and still don't want to do it then don't stress."

You don't understand at all. Your advice is the type of ridiculous crap I'm referring to. She didn't ask this kind of advice. She doesn't want to try. So why should she????

Well, not really. it is almost as good, as its my understanding that it makes 0 difference long term, and little difference short term...

You should absolutely make the decision that's right for you and nobody should make you feel bad for it.

However, you should also make a decision based on facts and it is not true that there is no difference between BF and FF. Even in wealthy countries BF has health benefits for both you and your baby.

It's unreasonable for anyone to make you feel guilty for your decision but it's not unreasonable for people to think you have the right to make a decision based on actual evidence about BF, rather than hearsay.

Giigleshizz that's very patronising-/ don't you think most mothers do that already?

Pro bf mothers always say "it's no ones business, do what you want" but then add a pro bf caveat just to make sure ff mummies are knocked down a peg still.

Bore off!!

Breastfeeding is difficult at first and if you don't really want to do it I'm not surprised you just want to FF. it sounds as though you've given it a go and so the baby has had Colustrum which had already given them a great start 👍

I'm very pro breastfeeding. I fed my first till he was 18mo and my second until 13mo. I think it's a great thing to do if you want to do it.

You don't want to do it and that's perfectly fine, nobody should be putting pressure on you to change your mind and you shouldn't feel bad about stopping.

Hetero: Read the OP's post - she wasn't asking for advice about BF, was she? So no, I don't see why you are sharing your advice with her on that particular point. What the OP was saying was that people (people like you!) have a strange insistence on commenting on her choices. This is exactly what you proceeded to do.

Well I tried and was told that basically 'You don't the nipples for it'
Use that one - who can argue with that???

I agree with previous posters: making the choice between feeding methods is completely down to you but to say FF is almost as good as breast milk is incorrect and I don't think it's appropriate to make statements like that.

It's completely up to you. These threads have been done over and over and people are always divided with strong feelings either side.

I'll just add my bit though. I stopped breastfeeding mine quite early for the usual reasons, it hurt, it was difficult, baby was unsettled and so on. Both had formula and are seemingly healthy.

My second baby had a milk intolerance to formula and it was hell and a real wake up call.

I do actually really regret it. In the short term breastfeeding is difficult but in the long term, washing and sterilising bottles, making up formula, buying the stuff, taking it out safely, is expensive and awkward. Whereas breast milk is free and on tap.

That's only my thoughts of course, but if mine were babies again I'd try harder.

But formula is also a safe and adequate way to feed your baby. We make thousands of choices for our children throughout their lives and this is only one of them.

Op it is your body and your choice. If you want to make an informed decision that Ff is he right thing for you, entirely your call. I would suggest having one or two stock phrases at the ready so if HCP, family or any random nosy parkers ask you don't get taken off guard or become flustered as to how to respond. Practice saying it in front of a mirror so it trips off naturally and you can say it confidently. Perhaps something like "FF was the best decision for our circumstances"

What I would say though is that if you've done one feed now then it will probably have been colostrum which comes in small quantities and not the amount of formula that would be used. BF does also get easier if you've got the right latch etc.

However you say it has little benefit short term and none long term. That isn't quite right. BF does have both short term and long term benefits (demonstrated on a population basis not whether one BF sibling is healthier than or outperformed the ff one or not).

Feed your baby however you want, there's absolutely no point in mothers judging each other. But if you're having doubts, don't assume how one feed in the very early days feels is how breastfeeding would feel in a few weeks. Feeding a 2 day old is very different to feeding a 2 week or 2 month old.

I'm very pro-breastfeeding. I tried my hardest to BF my DD but she had an undiagnosed tongue-tie which we only found out about when she was over a year old and serious lack of support even though I asked for help I spent the whole time in tears, in pain, my nipples being ripped to raw, bleeding shreds, tired, taking it all out on my DH. He went out and bought formula at 3am on day after DD had puked up my blood never looked back. She's now a happy, healthy 18 month old.
I had my DS 4 weeks ago and breastfeeding has been so much easier this time around. I've received help when I've asked for it, which makes all the difference. The point I'm trying to make, is that every breastfeeding experience is different and you never know which end of the stick you're going to get!
You've tried. You didn't have a nice time, so you're feeding your child in a way that works better for the both of you. You shouldn't have to justify that decision to anyone.

(I see I've made the same point about comparison others have - I'm a slow typer and the point hadn't been made when I started so suspect that is why there are a lot of similar comments)

The only other person involved in this decision is your baby, because they are the only other person affected by your choice. Nobody else has any right to comment.

Well I think it's entirely appropriate to say FF is nearly as good as BF. The health benefits of BF are still debated but the resounding message seems to be that it is slightly better than FF. So it makes sense to me.

I didn't do it. Didn't want too. Didn't try.
DS is now 2 and absolutely fine.

If you don't want to do it then don't.

I am, like most women, fully in support of bf when it is the mother's choice to do so. I intended to bf my first but I have never experienced such a visceral hatred of anything in my life. It was awful. I ended up on antibiotics and teetering on the brink of all consuming pnd as I struggled to feed my bottomless pit of screaming who hated me. I absolutely loathed every hideous second and I will be eternally grateful to the very kind hv who was sensible enough to recognise that it was not in anyone's interest to struggle on and to my mil who gently but firmly made us leave the house and buy the formula and a dummy that saved my sanity and made my baby a much happier person. I was desperate to be the "good mum" that bf is supposed to make you but it ruined those first weeks with my baby. I didn't even try with the others, they got a few weeks of expressed milk alongside formula. All my children are healthy and happy. You must do whatever works for you and your baby. It's nobody else's business and beyond the baby months nobody will care.

Hetero,,," I could cite anecdata about my children's excellent health here. "

Funnily enough, me too, and I FF. I could tell you about her excellent health, about how fit she is, about the fact she's a straight A and A star student here, whatever.

Clearly children who are breast fed are not the only children in excellent health. Pointless argument, unless uou are trying to say her health would have been even more excellent, to the point of super human, if she'd been breast fed, or that you think your own kids would have been sickly if they had not been?

It's marginal and we all know it, let's not pretend otherwise and people should do as they please, the child will still grow up healthy and strong u less other factors come into play.

I can understand RL people making a general comment or two if they think you want advice (as in 'oh yes, it hurt me too but only for the first two weeks' or whatever's) but if you've said you don't want to breastfeed then they shouldn't try and pressure you as it's your body and your decision.

Try to let the comments wash over you and enjoy your first weeks of parenthood

Well I think it's entirely appropriate to say FF is nearly as good as BF. The health benefits of BF are still debated but the resounding message seems to be that it is slightly better than FF. So it makes sense to me.

I don't deny there are debates about the health benefits, I myself aren't totally convinced by that argument as my BF son was always down the doctors but it can't be argued that the produce itself, I.e the components/ingredients of breast milk are much more beneficial to a baby than what is in formula.

That's why I say breast milk is 'better' not because of the supposed health benefits.

It's your baby and your body. It is no one else's business and you need to do what you are happy with.

Writer: I don't get it. If the outcomes are roughly comparable (and they are) then why are you arguing breast milk is clearly 'better'? According to what measure?

I didn't BF, my boy is very happy and healthy and our bond is very strong. Do what works best for you!