Not wanting to breastfeed

[Cocklodger]

99.9 percent sure I'm going to be causing a bun fight, really hoping that doesn't happen.
My LG is a few days old. I don't want to breastfeed.
I just,don't want to. Its difficult, It feels unpleasant (I have tried) I really don't like it, Its much easier for me to FF and I know FF is almost as good.
When I told my MW I didn't want to I felt forced to try, still don't like it now.
But I've had a couple of (negative) comments already about it, I don't feel like elaborating hugely so just say ''I just don't want to'', soon to be ex h has had massive a strop about it, My sister and mother have commented also.
Is it U for these comments to be made?
Surely its my right to choose how my baby gets fed without judgement.

Whatever choice you make, ff or bf, at least one arse will have an opinion they feel the need to push on you. Do what's best for you and your family.

You shouldnt get comments but whatever way you feed unfortunately you will. Be sure in your choice and cut them off when they try.

I BF and in the end I loved it, but found it very hard (very painful), so much so that after about 10-11 weeks we added a bottle and went on to mixed feeding, which we carried on until 13 months.

It was actually lovely because as others have said it gave my OH that feeding/bonding time with her too, and it made a huge difference to our evenings - she went from crying or bobbing on and off my boobs constantly from 6pm-midnight while I was in constant agony, straight to having a good FF at around 6-7, and then a BF at 10 before (mostly) sleep.

In the end it is your body and your choice. I ended up really loving BF (as part of mixed feeding), so mixing may be worth a try if you want to: but if you're having problems or not enjoying it then from what I have read the health benefits are real but pretty small in countries where we have access to clean water and sterilisation - and it is nobody else's decision but yours.

I think "this is what works for us" is a good response for anybody who interferes, and repeat as necessary until they change the subject...

Thank you all.
I'm guessing everything I do will be wrong in the eyes of naysayers, may as well start not giving a fuck right about now :)

I'm very pro breastfeeding so would urge all new mother's to read up on pros and cons, contact their local BF support group and genuinely consider what is best for the baby (in the grand scheme of things BF is a small part of everything else you will do for your child in time). Having said that, it really is no one else's business and if you really feel unable to, make the choice and move in to focusing on other things like your beautiful baby. Just make sure you are not giving up because of lack of support. I speak to a lot of mums who felt unsupported in breastfeeding and it really saddens me.

No problem FF really. Just tell people "It was right for us to FF" or something like that :) No need to elaborate really, it's none of their business unless you starve your child obviously!

I didn't do it, I simply didn't want to. That was it, pure and simple my mind rejected the idea totally.

I only got one negative comment from one mid wife, as I'm not the sort who brokers discussion, when she asked I said no, I didn't want to breastfeed , she retorted it was probably because I didn't want my breasts to sag after. I didn't even respond, just stared at her open mouthed in shock and disgust. Was the most bizzare thing to say or think. However instead of feeling pressurised I simply felt there was clearly something mentally wrong with her. 😃

My daughter is perfectly healthy, we have a great relationship and we bonded just fine. Don't be pressurised, you know if uou want to or not.

Ps the woman in the room next to me did try, she got an infection in her nipples, one turned green, she was all cracked and sore, she had to sit under a heat lamp, the baby was losing weight and still, still the midwives pressurised her. The doctors had to step in and put a stop to it.

You just have to try and ignore the negativity, it's nobody elses business how you feed your baby.
With DC1 I breastfed for about 3 days and then I decided I really couldn't do it anymore (people will say I gave up quickly but it was just too painful, I was exhausted etc). I did feel guilty about it at first but soon got over it when I realised that formula feeding was working out better for both me and DC1.
I had DC2 in April and I knew I wasn't going to breastfeed at all and was very open and confident with the decision. Nobody questioned it.
The main thing is that both you and your baby are happy and healthy.

Do whatever works for you and your family as long as you feed your baby and care for it, all is well huh

Sorry if I'm being intrusive but I noticed you mentioned STBXH. I was on my own from birth and I can genuinely say BF saved my sanity. I was so sleep deprived that cosleeping with DD feeding as and when gave me a chance to sleep. I think I wouldn't have coped getting up to do bottles etc. Just giving another angle here :)

*HTH

Thinking back, I can't recall one person (DMIL aside who simply asked once and never mentioned it again and quite happily ff DD without question) who showed any interest in how I was feeding my baby. Who are these people that ask or comment on how people are feeding their babies these days? Is it a new thing?

giggleshizz
I'm really happy you had a good experience, however I don't enjoy it, find it uncomfortable and much more fuss than FF, if anything it'll break my sanity I reckon.

I didn't want to. The thought of it made my toes curl and it still does. So I didn't. If I had another child I would go straight to FF again too.

Very happy healthy thriving three year old now.

You don't have to BF and please don't feel bad for not doing it.

Congratulations!

I found breastfeeding so painful that at one stage, after a couple of days, I felt like I didn't want her on me, I didn't want her near me. Just for a fleeting moment. But that was game over for me, and that's what I told people. Nobody ever made me feel bad, not even my midwife. Maybe you could try to explain how painful it is?

Even though I was bottle feeding I treated her like I was breastfeeding in as many ways as I could - feed on demand, lots of skin to skin contact, and only I did it, I didn't let anyone else feed her for weeks. It made me feel better that I was bonding with her. Might be something worth considering?

I think you should do what is right for you. An unhappy Mum is an unhappy baby. I am of the strong opinion that a Mum should at least try BF, even if baby only has one feed (I always remember being told that the first feed is the best one for baby, as it contains the most nutrients). If after trying it isn't right for you, then move on to formula. Be kind to yourself.

Can also recommend reading Donald Winnicott who is a pediatrician. I've just written some stuff on breastfeeding and attachment and he gives a really balanced view on the subject

I think its definitely a new thing as BF is more of a 'thing' now, We hear about it (and cafes/pools not allowing it...) more and more, and because its perceived as something thats better its become something to get competitive about
as if we needed more

81- Any reason why they should try though? some posters say they don't want to at all, and wouldn't even try. I could try harder, I could try more. I've only tried once, wasn't what I could call a successful feed she's a bloody wriggler, I was stressed and upset and I doubt she got more than quarter of an oz.

Long story short. DD1 and DD2 were BF until they were weaned. DD3 had to be FF as I was ill and had no milk. DD3 is just as smart as her sisters and is a sportswoman. The only difference is that she's at least 2 inches taller than her sisters and also towers over me. Do what's best for yourself and your LO. Nobody has the right to tell you what to do.

Your nips, your call.

Your decision, 100%. I was hopeless at BFeeding - the milk never came in properly, and I bloody hated it. I persisted though for 6 weeks and 2 days. (I mean that exactly.) I would express for an hour or so and end up with a couple of drops. I am sure the pressure I felt contributed to my PND and my lack of bonding. I used to cry my eyes out when DS woke up as i knew I would have to try again.

If there were ever a next time I would not even bother and I certainly would not lose any sleep over it.

Go with what is best for you.

It is a marathon not a sprint this child raising malarky. Love and safely feed the child and you are doing ok.

People are going to comment on you and your children for years to come, better to start thickening up your skin early doors!

Congratulations on your baby.

Breast milk is better. Breast feeding isn't (necessarily) better.

If it's not for you then spending 6 months doing it is likely to have a big negative impact on your mental health and your bonding with your baby and be a hefty shove in the direction of PND. Having a good relationship with their primary carer in the first year of their life effects the baby's brain development and future mental health.

Sorry Dude. X post not a comment on your experience.