Not wanting to breastfeed

[Cocklodger]

99.9 percent sure I'm going to be causing a bun fight, really hoping that doesn't happen.
My LG is a few days old. I don't want to breastfeed.
I just,don't want to. Its difficult, It feels unpleasant (I have tried) I really don't like it, Its much easier for me to FF and I know FF is almost as good.
When I told my MW I didn't want to I felt forced to try, still don't like it now.
But I've had a couple of (negative) comments already about it, I don't feel like elaborating hugely so just say ''I just don't want to'', soon to be ex h has had massive a strop about it, My sister and mother have commented also.
Is it U for these comments to be made?
Surely its my right to choose how my baby gets fed without judgement.

Of course YANBU. Don't feel you have to explain or justify it to anyone, it's not their position to judge you! Your husband can express an opinion, but he absolutely shouldn't be unpleasant or argumentative about it once you put your decision across. It's your body not his and he has no say on what you do with your body.

Parenting is all about making the best decision for your circumstance at that point in time. You've weighed it up and made your decision, and it really isn't any one else's business. I'd develop a stock response to anyone that questions you, and just repeat it every time they mention it.

I'm 36 weeks and planning to breastfeed but I am not going to berate myself if it doesn't work. I am not going to cause myself lengthy misery by expressing. I am not going to drive myself into depression worrying about marginal health benefits. And anyone with any comment can sod off

Your MW should not have made you feel like that! I decided to FF from fairly early on, and my MW and HV were very supportive from the beginning.

My DS is 4 months old and thriving. Recently, my sister, DP and I all had a really bad cold, and I was worried he was going to get it. He just had the sniffles, so I suspect his immune system is already better than mine :D

Another one here who has had 3 children and ff them all from birth. It just wasn't for me and I refuse to feel guilty about it. I fed them when they were hungry and that's all there is to it!

Don't bf then. There really is nothing more you need to say.

If it's any comfort, women can't win either way, they criticised by some if the bf, they get criticised by others if they ff.

What you do wrt feeding is your business.

It's not true, however, that formula is almost as good as bf. Formula is a perfectly nutritionally adequate substitute for bf. That's all, whatever the formula ads and promotional materials claim.

There's a lot of anecdata on this thread about the individual effects (or lack of effects) of bf vs ff. That doesn't invalidate the findings across populations.

The rest of it (mother's personal preference, feeding difficulties and lack of support, etc) is separate and YANBU to choose what you consider to be best for your circumstances. However, IIWY I would try to work through that instinctive 'don't want to' and unpleasant feeling (sorry if I have missed anything about why you feel like this).

Bf was important to me. I could cite anecdata about my children's excellent health here. It's hugely, hugely easier than ff in the longer term. And I say this having had the month from hell getting it established with ds1. I think it's as fine for me to say that as it is for you to say you don't like it and don't want to do it. You make your choice in the end and I made mine.

I know it was not a comment on me Cherry :) I agree with you a million percent!! x

I LOVE this sentence from Speak

''Parenting is all about making the best decision for your circumstance at that point in time.''

DS is 7 and part of how my PND manifested is feeling so bloody guilty about everything all the time. I think I am going to make that sentence my mantra!

True also how people think they can comment. I have a neighbour in his late 60s who was very forceful before I had DS about lecturing me on BF and so on. Then after DS was born he would badger me about it. His DIL had a baby about the same time as me and she BF very well and well beyond 12 months. he would sometimes make comments about boobs doing what they are meant to do. If I had been in a better frame of mind I would have told him to fuck off. (Actually, he rather bizarrely volunteered the information just the other day that both his sons have had the snip. I should have said something about that... ) Missed my chance.

Hetero: I doubt the OP is that interested in what you would do if you were her. You're not her and she has made her own decision on this.

I hope that those that forecast the 'breastfeeding mafia' piling in on this thread take heart from the fact that none of the women who breastfed are criticising the OP at all and are in fact in full support.

I never attempted to breastfeed. It never crossed my mind. Breastfeeding rates are very low in the UK and tbh i hardly know anyone that attempted it.

I have my own reasons for not even thinking about breastfeeding but i dont mention them to others as i know it offends

I absolutely loved BF for many reasons, but nobody's ever commented except one relation who chose to FF and seemed to think I gave a fuck. Little PA comments all the time. Luckily I don't give a fuck about that either.

NCT really pissed me off Re their attitude to C-section. I had a crash C-section under GA with Dd1. It was really traumatic. Yet in their literature it was all. You can get the C-section You want etc etc.
Op it is your baby your choice.

HeteronormativeHaybales
Well, not really. it is almost as good, as its my understanding that it makes 0 difference long term, and little difference short term...

Unless of course, you're in a country with dirty and unsafe water (therefore the formula is made out of it), Which is different.

If I was a single parent with a newborn I'd do whatever was necessary to get through and not feel guilty for a second. If that means FF or mixed feeding then that is the best choice for your particular situation.

My understanding of the science is that FF is adequate rather than optimal in comparison to BF. But there are many, many situations in parenting when adequate is good enough.

Don't breastfeed then. It's definitely not for everyone.
I dual fed as my DS was failure to thrive and to be honest I got loads of comments, if I had done one or the other I'd have also got comments.

lightupowl
Planning on it, thank you.

Tomorrow
Seems everyone wants a competition anyway, with everything.
Think I'll just stay out of the lot of it...

Cocklodger

You do what's right for you! A stressed mother is a lot worse for a baby than not being BF.

My baby is FF, I didn't even try to BF, it was the best choice for us.

On a side note, my two cousins (now 2 and 7 months) were EBF and they are the two sickest children I know. They are always poorly!

And in answer to your question it is unreasonable (not to mention rude and unsupportive!) for your mum and sister to make those comments. But not unusual. I got criticism for BF. You can't win.

Don't elaborate, just say 'This is the best choice for us' and change the subject.

Congratulations, BTW.

I think your family are unreasonable if they're seeking to make you feel guilty. If it's more of a "the first few weeks are tough but it'll get easier, is there anything we can do to help you carry on BF if you want to?" then that doesn't sound unreasonable but I can see why it might not be helpful if you've decided against BF. How their comments are intended to make you feel is probably key.

Again, I don't think your MW should make you feel you're forced to BF but she wouldn't be doing her job if she didn't make sure you were aware of the benefits of BF for you and your baby. Without knowing what was said (and when / or antenatally, or after you'd started to BF) it's hard to say if she was unreasonable.

If you want to investigate ways to make BF less uncomfortable for you then there are lots of support services that could help so do make sure you look into those if discomfort is a major factor in your decision.

Oh, and congratulations on your new arrival. Hope you're getting plenty of newborn snuggles and that you reach a decision you're happy with regarding feeding.

The amount of women that slog it out against their own desires just to please other people is a travesty. Do what you want, it's no ones business.

I didn't breastfeed but I was lucky enough both times to never have had anyone comment on my bottlefeeding. I think my resting bitch face probably scared people off to be honest. Be confident in your choice because people can smell weakness a mile off and will say something to you because they think you won't react.

I don't even know how the way in which a mother feeds her baby is such a big deal. It's women against women and is quite frankly boring.

As a pp stated. YANBU for making your own choices about feeding your child and sticking to them. However, IMO it is unreasonable to say things like FF is almost as good as BF. There is a wealth if data on the physical and emotional benefits of BF. It doesn't mean people who FF won't have healthy children or not bond with them (fwiw I was FF as that was the trend then and I consider myself normalish) but let's not muddy the water between personal and valid choices and what research actually says.

I'm breastfeeding after a rocky start we are doing fine at 8 weeks but he's a slow feeder so it's all consuming, spend a 3rd of my time with him latched on! All of my NCT and all bar one of my NHS ante-natal group are breastfeeding (including some mixed feeding). I really feel for the lady who isn't as our area is obsessed with breastfeeding, not just the midwives but all the support groups and cafe meets. She needs just as much support and company of other new mum's as the rest of us but all that seem to be advertised are breastfeeding groups and she doesn't feel welcome - very sad.
I wouldn't judge at all how someone chooses to feed their baby, I assume they've made their own decision.