Not wanting to breastfeed

[Cocklodger]

99.9 percent sure I'm going to be causing a bun fight, really hoping that doesn't happen.
My LG is a few days old. I don't want to breastfeed.
I just,don't want to. Its difficult, It feels unpleasant (I have tried) I really don't like it, Its much easier for me to FF and I know FF is almost as good.
When I told my MW I didn't want to I felt forced to try, still don't like it now.
But I've had a couple of (negative) comments already about it, I don't feel like elaborating hugely so just say ''I just don't want to'', soon to be ex h has had massive a strop about it, My sister and mother have commented also.
Is it U for these comments to be made?
Surely its my right to choose how my baby gets fed without judgement.

Sorry, by that I mean significantly better. I know it is considered to be slightly better.

Sorry, by that I mean significantly better. I know it is considered to be slightly better.

The OP said "AIBU to not want to breastfeed" - no YANBU to not want to. Of course you aren't - you feel how you feel, and I completely agree with all the others who have said it's your decision to make and you shouldn't need to justify it. It's bloody hard work, it can be painful and there is an appalling lack of support for new mums.

BUT I do think it is U to use misinformation as part of your decision making process, like 'formula is almost as good' and 'there are no long term differences/benefits'. Both these statements are untrue.

Saying so isn't about taking FF mums down a peg or knocking them. It's about sharing facts and information so parents can use them to inform feeding decisions that are right for them and their family at that time. I genuinely don't care how you feed your baby, but I do care if information isn't accurate, factual and balanced.

Because it has important components in it that formula doesn't and regardless of long term outcomes I genuinely believe that breast milk, for that reason, is better for a baby to have than a manufactured product.

"the resounding message seems to be that it is slightly better than FF. So it makes sense to me."

This is what the Lullaby Trust has to say about Breastfeeding and SIDS (Lullaby Trust is the UK's main SIDS charity) - that it may reduce the risk of SIDS by approximately half....

The increased risks for both mums and babies of not breastfeeding may not be individually large, but cumulatively breastfeeding reduces the likelihood of so many illnesses that I think it's not accurate to describe the benefits as 'small'.

I'd also suggest that if the differences between the brains of ff and bf babies can actually be identified by MRI scans at 12 weeks (research from a respected US university here ) then the differences between breast milk and formula probably aren't as trivial as many people would like to believe.

Doesn't change the fact that it's still between the OP and her baby and is nobody else's decision.

Writer: That is entirely arbitrary. You are entitled to think what you like but don't comment saying the OP's opinion, which is actually supported by data on outcomes, is 'inappropriate' FGS.

Mini: The risk of SIDS is so small to begin with that the benefit gained by BF can only be described as minor in the grand scheme.

Anyway, not here for that debate. OP can do what she wants and no-one else has a right to comment.

So there is official data that says formula has the same ingredients as breast milk? Because that's all my argument is based on.

I knew while I was pregnant that I was never going to breastfeed, I have some sensory issues (I suspect ASD though not diagnosed) including touch aversion and the thought of breastfeeding made me anxious. Both my dc, now 9 and 3 were ff, what matters is that they were fed. They are clean, happy and loved. Yes, breast milk is better but formula isn't poison. If bf makes you unhappy or makes you start to resent your baby then it's not worth persisting just to live up to expectations of others.

I FF DD3 after BF the first 2 for the same reasons you've given. It hurts, takes practise and concentration. I just didn't want to do it again. After 4 days of trying with DD3 screamingg with hunger and me crying with tiredness, I thought "stuff this, give her a bottle and enjoy this your last baby". (She was a wee late surprise). It was the best decision we made. I bonded with her quicker, the other 2 enjoyed snuggling with me while I fed her (I could bear anyone else near me while BF). She's the healthiest out of the 3 of them (she's nearly 4 now). It's your choice, no-one else. How you feel and how telexed you are matters as much!

Of course it doesn't have the same ingredients. What an odd question. What difference does it make what's in it, if it does what it is meant to do? I am not denying that BF is slightly better, only that it is inappropriate to say BF is slightly better. It is only slightly better, according to all available data.

I had a baby that wouldnt latch i also had a midwife who was squeezing my nipples till they were red raw it was a very unpleasant few days (back then you were in hospital longer) I didn't like it i felt extremely uncomfortable and started to dread trying i felt instantly better once I switched to formula, your breasts your choice quite frankly it has bog all to do with anybody else how you feed your baby.

I never understand these threads.

Op just do what you want. It's no one else's business it doesn't matter what anyone else on here did or belives or that other people did or belive in RL

Just don't do it. Any stupid comments ask them what it has to do with them.

First DD I tried, really tried even though she wasn't easy, I think it lead to PND. My sister was the same. I decided second DD would get the first three days, which was sort of ok but not grand. Over a week later still had lots of milk so as I felt so good I thought I'd try again. Within two days I was a snivelling heap. Stopped again and within a day was back to feeling good. I decided it just wasn't right for me and everyone could keep their beaks out.

Both daughters are bright, articulate, funny, kind, etc., and both studying decent degrees at a decent Uni. Both are fit and healthy without any allergies.

sigh
but it IS only marginally better
I'm not sure why thats inappropriate to say?
Its true.
Ok fair enough formula vs breast milk is totally different ingredients wise, but thats like saying milk has different ingredients to cheese therefore cheese is better? It doesn't make sense.

Btw, I'm actually sighing. Not addressing someone called sigh. I sometimes forget that * creates bold

ive never really understood the militant and fanatical behaviour some women exhibit when it comes to breast feeding. They spout they want women to make informed choices then go on to skew information to say breast is significantly better, when medical science, depending on where you look, would detail the benefits but marginalise them with science showing long term it makes absolutely no difference,

Bottom line, my FF kid is out performing her BF counterparts, always has done, from health to educational performance. I can't change that fact.

Is there benefits to breast, of course, is there benefits to formula, absolutely, ultimately it's about the child, the parent, the environment, many factors, in terms of your child's health and intelligence levels.

I explained that I'm not interested in the health outcomes of BF.v.fFF but that I do believe the components of breast milk being best for a baby. You then said there was proven data to go against my point in terms of why breast milk is best. I can't remember exactly what you said because I can't scroll back but seeing as you implied there was data to disprove my point hence why I asked if they meant there was data to say that formula as a product is just as good as breast milk - it was a rhetoric/sarcastic question.

Breast milk has protective factors on it that formula doesn't, that is proven, hence why it's better for the baby, that's all I'm saying.

Yes formula is adequate and does what it needs to do but it is not 'nearly as good' as breast milk.

Breast is best.
Marginally. so FF is almost as good.

Writer: Whatever you think, you are entitled to your opinion. Expert opinion says BF is marginally better. I am happy to take that as the current consensus, and it is entirely appropriate for the OP to cite such a consensus.

I'm incredibly pro breastfeeding, that said my little one has had the odd formula bottle when I've been desperate for sleep so dads looked after her for a few hours. It's your body and your baby, why should what anyone else thinks matter? Do what's right for you and give formula if you want to!

I think as for what to say to people why not twist the bf mafias words back against them... "fed is best"

cocklodger

Ingredients of formula:
Water, Vitamins, fat, carbohydrates and protein which are all man-made.

Ingredients of breast milk:
Water, vitamins, fat, carbohydrates and protein all of which are in human form.

Plus:

Transfer factors to help the absorption of iron which is very difficult for babies to do.

White blood cells to help with infection and immunity.

Enzymes to aid the breakdown of fats for growth and development.

Viral fragments to stimulate the immune system.

0ligosaccharides - attracts bacteria to stop it traveling around the body.

Bifidus Factor to correct the pH balance of the gut and kill bacteria.

Hormones to aid growth and development.

Anti-inflammatory factors to stop inflammation of the gut.

Immunoglobulins to transfer the mother's immune system to the baby.

Nucleotides as another protective agent against infections.

Breast milk is a dynamic living substance, it chances daily/weekly/monthly to adapt to the babies medical and nourishment needs whereas formula is static: there is no difference between giving a baby a FF at day 1 of life than giving it at 6 months of age.

As I have said, I'm not saying that in the long term there is an obvious difference in the health outcomes between FF and BF babies but I do believe that because the components of breast milk are so much better than formula then that's why it's best for the baby.

I genuinely am not bothered how anyone feeds their baby but for me giving all those protective factors/components to my baby is why I chose to BF and not FF.

Ta for the ingredients list.
You still have yet to explain why my comment ''Its almost as good'' is inappropriate, when the real difference is marginal?

you keep saying why its (marginally) best, Which is fine I guess, and giving your opinion, fine too.
But I'm not sure if you realize that you've been asked why my comment is inappropriate. Because you're not answering that.

We all know breast milk is formulated for babies the op isnt really disputing that, what she is saying she doesn't like breastfeeding formula is the better outcome for her baby and her this is what is important

so throwing in facts about breast milk isn't really supporting the op saying im not bothered how women feed their babies while saying BM is better is quite passive aggresive.