To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

Can I also say Op..You say you have never claimed a penny..Have you looked at your income for WTC..You may be eligible which would also help with Childcare costs..It may mean you could work more hours if not returning full time.

We are not entitled to anything else -tax credits etc.

I think that if you are eligible for benefits, now would be a good time to claim them.

I haven't read the full thread but I just wanted to agree with other posters:

The book people/ amazon/ eBay for book collections.

Tesco usually do a double your points offer on toys and clothes on the run up to Christmas.

Make a list of gifts and shop everywhere! My daughter has asked for the Breyer emergency vet vehicle which is usually over £100- £110/at Argos. I just bought it brand new on an equestrian site for £25 .

EBay/ local adds page/ gumtree/ local netkums for sale page for second hand toys/ computer games/ clothes. Zulily sometimes have great offers on too!

Subscribe to all the different stores that sell the gifts you are after. Check your email every day for new offers.

Ransack the house, sell anything that hasn't been used in over a year. EBay or local adds page are great for this!

With your little one have a look through toys your eldest two have outgrown and wrap them up for youngest child.

Amazon black Friday is fantastic for buying electronics. I bought kindle fires and little clip jam mp3 players last year at bargain prices.

If your kids are artistic, go to the works when they have money off and fill a trolley with sketch books and the lovely wooden art box that is full of coloured pencvil, paints and felt tips. My husband filled a trolley for our two for £25 last year and we are still using the sketch books etc.

Have a think about buying a subscription or museum pass. You can create a fantastic looking 'voucher' that you don't need to buy until after Christmas (when hopefully you can benefit from the January sales).

We aren't Ava. We get child benefit bus as dh earns £34k apparently it is too much! Our mortgage is £800 a month...

Do you have any Nectar/Clubcard/Boots/Superdrug points? Sainsburys are doing a Nectar double up next week - so you can swap up to £20 of points for a £40 voucher to spend on toys, electronics, clothes, gift sets, DVDs etc.

But really, £45 per child is absolutely loads. I'd be spending a maximum of £20 each and putting the rest to better use.

Why do some of you find it so hard to believe that 8 and 9 year olds might still believe in Father Christmas? At this age they are still children. By your view, kids get only 5 years of believing as they don't truly 'get it' until they're around 3 years old. How sad.

Presumably you are working in school hours if you can't afford childcare?

If your previous job paid three times the amount you are getting for your menial job it would still make economic sense to go back to that type of work surely?

You would still get three x the amount you are getting for your part time work now wouldn't you?

Free nursery placements are 'a benefit'. btw.

My two eldest (8 and 9) absolutely believe in father Christmas. They only asked yesterday when the elves would arrive to create mischief.

HUKD and camel camel camel are good resources to find cheaper gifts. Also reastie has a fab bargain thread on the Christmas section on here.
I understand where your coming from I worry about mine not having the best toys and having some brat at school pointing it out to them. But in the long term it probably makes them better people.

I so agree with Barbarian, and start getting them to make things for each other. A house full of secrets and surprises is brilliant. Eg, we used to make

A pretend cracker using inside of foil roll or equivalent, wrapped and filled with cheap sweets and a car or so from the charity shop

A pasta necklace fro the three year old, or a button string,

A decorated box for mummy or siblings

A decorated picture frame for daddy / granny card ( inside if cereal packet, cut out) decorated with drawings, or painted pasta, or a coloured paper napkin

A calendar, you can buy those small calendars fir v little, then with a drawing attached, grannies and dads love them or say they do

A desk tidy, loo roll inserts, on card ( those cereal packets again) covered with paper

Peppermint creams, icing sugar, White of egg, peppermint essence.

Fudge.

Plan your Christmas Day, ( if you're that way inclined, a Christingle service or singing riund a local tree is fun the day before. Decorate the house, paper chains, scour the charity shoos etc for discount artificial trees. Make decorations, biscuits, angels from foil or paper. We have a superb huge paper angel playing the guitar, made when DC was 8. Brilliant. Comes out every year, wouldn't be Xmas without it) . Stocking opening, walk or present opening, , lunch, present opening or walk, tea, tv.

Boxing Day, board games and walk. Make pancakes for special. Make popcorn. Hide and seek/ sardines. The potato game. Followed by exhaustion and tv. If you've got a BBQ, have a winter BBQ and toast marshmallows at it. ( baked potatoes already done, sausages nearly ditto, everyone wrapped up, toasting marshmallows. )

For stockings, I used to do: clementine in the bottom, magazine rolled up ( takes up lots of room) , cheap set if colours from aladdins cave/Morrisons ( cheaper than Poundland) and a pad, toy from charity shop, sweets and bubbles to blow, possibly some bubble bath. Average cost £5-6 dep on magazine.

I never spent more than £20 on Ds, apart from stocking, say £3O now in part because his birthday is just before Christmas. If he wanted something I'd just say we need to save up for it. He understood.

You'll see, they'll think it's the best Christmas they ever had. Tell them that instead of things, and you can tell the older ones that money is tight, you're going to make your own fun. They'll be great. So will you.

OP, you sound in a very similar position to us, basically you have a debt problem rather than an income problem (your income with your husband and your wages is probably ok). Please do think about getting a payment plan set up, it shouldn't eat up all your money as it is doing now. I think someone linked to StepChange, and we used Payplan, both are free. It will still be tight, but you hopefully won't be maxed out on credit cards that aren't getting paid back with nowhere to get more money. I am not sure why you were told you couldn't have an IVA, we didn't in the end but do get advice from several sources. Good luck with it all.

I think you need to lower your expectations and work out exactly why you think that kids of your kids ages would be likely to expect £150 each.

Clue for you, they won't

When my parents were going through some financial difficulty we had a paired down Christmas and it was awful. But tbh that was very much because of the way it was presented to us and has stuck by me. My mother was angry that my father had left his ok paying job for one paying peanuts and informed us that we'd have to have a much cheaper Christmas, I think she was trying to be honest with us (which is good) but it came across at very bitter towards my father.
I bet you can still have s lovely Christmas and involve your children as much as you can in doing as many free festivities as you can, get their ideas etc. Explain to them the money thing without making it their problem.

OP, I think you are getting an unnecessarily hard time on this thread from some posters. There are also some amazing ideas for saving money and budgeting. I didn't read your post as begging, I read it as you just wanted to make sure your kids weren't disappointed. I sincerely hope you can sort out your financial problems and I'm sure your kids will love any Xmas pressies they get.

DNo I'm sure you don't realize but there have been a few threads like this recently at least one of which was a troll so I think that why posters are being sceptical. If I were you I'd just state really clearly that you are just after advice and don't want any handouts. If you turn off the ability for posters to private message you then it will help show people you are genuinely just after advice and not stuff.

BTW, I think £140 will be enough. I'd do £30/35 for the little one and split the rest between the two older ones. Would the two older ones share a present. I second looking at MoneySavingExpert and also at hotdeals. Black Friday is also coming up soon. Second hand movies and sweets make good presents.

Free nursery places are not a benefit! Every single 3 year old is entitled to 15 hours per week care! Fed up of explaining myself! I'm an educated person who has fallen on bad times! I've done everything I can to get myself out of this and I'm struggling. Is that so hard to understand without the digs I'm getting? Again, the majority of posters understand and are giving fabulous advice thank you. X

So, your husband earns £34,000 but when you had your third child (and your older children were 6 and 5) your childcare costs were so high that you thought it would be a good idea to give up your well paying job?

I'm just trying to understand here. It's a world I don't know much about.

Why don't you write down your joint income and your monthly outgoings and Mumsnet can see what they can do to put you in a better financial position? If your dh hasn't lost his job and you are working part time, I can't work out how you went from solvent to bankrupt in 3 years without some other catastrophe.

I've had two very kind private messages but I assure you that's not whyet I posted.

How are you 'not' managing on £34k + £6k a year with only an £800 mortgage? Sorry but ours is £600 and currently have an annual household income of around £16k, We're getting by on the skin of our teeth but we're not behind with anything and run a car, have 2 cats and a dog that cost more to feed than it would any kids (if you cook properly) pay all bills plus management fees AND pay off £200 a month on a credit card that got away from us a few years ago. I think maybe you need to look at your spending better for next year. That is a crazy amount of money you have coming in to be 'struggling' with.

OP who have you phoned for debt advice. If you are having to buy essentials on credit cards you need help.
Phone stepchange they are a debt advisory charity who will give you free advice and help you to make a repayment plan with your Creditors at no fee.
My sister was in a similar desperate state earlier this year and with their help has been able to freeze all her debts for a year on the proviso she pays a token amount (£1 per creditor) to each creditor every month.
With regards to presents don't worry about the 3 year old £20 will sort them out. For the older two get yourself on the facebook second hand sites and watch like a hawk for bargains it'll be cheaper than eBay. Also try netmums (I know ) for their local selling pages.
You will be ok.

I've spent £50 on my DD this year. Single mum, work as much as I can and not on any benefits other than CB, money is tight. She knows I adore the bones of her and that's all that matters. She's spoilt with love and I've raised her to not want things,but it's nice to get presents so I've tried my best. I've got bundles (masses of clothes it's amazing) for £5 of selling sites, picked out the nicer ones with tags still on and wrapped them up. Then went to Homesense and TK maxx and bought toys with slightly damaged packaging for a couple quid, Melissa and Doug wooden toys etc. And books from the works, 5 books for £3. Amazon has loads of cheap things, you'd be amazed. Fake converse shoes I got on there for £4 great quality. Done the charity shop rounds too.

£1400 a month in childcare?! That's a lot when two are at school.
What about childcare vouchers? Is this using a childminder?
We pay £1800 a month for our two dcs but that's for a nanny who works 4 days a week. So the top end.

So actually why not share some figures re childcare and options and let MN help.

Got my wee doubts here, but putting that aside ...

I do think too many people have been hornswaggled into believing that children will only enjoy the holidays if they're weighted down w fancy electronics and the latest doo-da's. And plenty of them!!

It's a con put upon us by retailers. Go simple, you have nothing to lose but your chains.

Sorry x post. That's crap.