To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

There are lots of ways to have a fun Christmas on the cheap. Our cheapie days usually involve lots of craft - junk modelling, making silly masks. Saw the suggestion on another thread about making board games, which is brilliant

OP, we're struggling financially & the entire family budget is £300ish, which I have raised by eBaying all year.

For adults in the family it is £20 each x 10.

DC are getting £50ish each. I got DS a 2nd hand Wii for £70 off Gumtree with games & accessories - these will be split between Xmas & his birthday in early December.

DD (3): I got a lovely wooden dolls house in Asda for £40.

Extras will be bought in the £ shop, eBay, FB selling pages.

We will not be telling DS that we are short of money.

And the posters slagging off women for taking more than 2 weeks off work after having a baby, just piss off.

I would see if you can find a local carboot as well especially for the smallest - lots of people off loading stuff that hasn't been used or barely used to make space for christmas. Charity shops are good for books for small ones and also soft toys that can be put through the wash before giving. Small ones like the gifts for themselves not the value so I would actually look at what you can get for them first and then focus on the older ones. If you have a tiger near you they are good for inexpensive fun things as well. I would also try and find a couple or three huge cardboard boxes for making stuff from - for boxing day - as some added fun. Especially for the smallest one - they won't miss alot of things if they have plenty to do. I would also check out local selling pages for things too - as I said many people will be having a clear out and only too grateful for people to buy things from them. I know I bought lots of sylvanian family stuff from ebay - starting watching now and followed things to get an idea of the sorts of prices things were going for etc. Put together some baking mixes in old jars for cookies or cakes and dress them up. Annuals will be on offer soon they are good and have lots of activities too. Do them a treasure hunt with small things. I also buy things they need e.g. socks and pants and PJ's etc.

More generally try moneysaving expert website and think about how you could expand hours etc. Its all a short term blip hopefully and try and locate secondhand uniform and clothes, ask for help from school with other expenses. I know its hard we have our own company and cash flow is erratic at the best of times, we are going to be v skint in December so dreading it myself. I have started salting a few things away and am planning on a few things like cookie mix jar for entertainment. I do try to get one main big present though and this year I know she wants a laptop...so any hints or tips on where to get one that is good enough for a bit of game playing as well as homeworks etc, would be good!!

Op have you heard of Ali express? It's a bit like eBay where you buy direct from
China, most things are free shipping. Things are really cheap- I've ordered DS minecraft teddies for only £2 each- they are £7-8 in the shops each! And look exactly the same. Maybe an idea for the older ones?

Postage does take up to 4 weeks so maybe order soon if you are interested!

Wraparound care for the two eldest is £45 a day, £40 for the toddler full time. Discounts do apply bringing it down to £1400 a month.

My children were not financially a burden when we decided to go ahead with number 3 (a "surprise" baby).

Have you got a Home Bargains, a B&M or a Wilko nearby? They are fab for cheap toys, crafty bits etc.

I was looking at the wilko version of Lego today and will grab a couple of the £1 sets as stocking fillers. It's actually really good for fake Lego. They do a duplo version as well. I also saw shopkins colouring sets for £1.00 and things like hair bobbles and slides reduced to 20p.

www.wilko.com/icat/buildingandconstruction

OP I have been in exactly your shoes a few years ago. We had £100 to buy all the family presents and about £50 for the kids. Our kids were just spoiled by grandparents so didn't notice they only got a present each from mum and dad and for all the other stuff, we bought the majority from eBay. It was mainly brand new stuff just a hell of a lot cheaper. For example I bought a lovely set of cuff links for BIL that were 4 times be price when I found them at an independent online retailer.
Also we tell our kids that people tend to buy presents but send them to Santa for him to deliver along with a few bits that he gives too.
Kids understand. I hope your situation improves soon X

Bravo nailed it, have you had some sort of disaster to get into debt?
If so and it's over then you still have enough coming in to attack the debt and get on track. There's a Money Matters section on MN, it's really helpful.

At those ages children just want loads of little bits and bobs, usually the more garish and plastic-fantastic the better.

When ours were little I wasted money on 'tasteful, quality gifts' from naice shops...I think I even bought them poncey snow globes from Crabtree & Evelyn, once FFS.

But, I eventually realised I was actually buying stuff for me Afterward I started filling their stockings with cheap as chips knick knacks, day-glo crayons, gaudy hair grips. Nothing more than £3.

PS also it's seriously amazing what you can flog on ebay.

£140, so nearly£50 each seems a decent budget per child. Not sure what the problem is

Is the 140 on presents alone? I was bought up where we were treated the same and always had equal amounts spent on us at chrismas we would get 30-50 quid spent on us didn't do me any harm. I spent more on my DC but that's due to my current circumstances

Fed up of explaining myself! I'm an educated person who has fallen on bad times! I've done everything I can do get myself out of this and I'm struggling

Totally empathise, OP - in fact, I wrote something almost identical on the benefits cap thread the other day (not that I get a fraction of the £23,000 most posters seem to have assumed everyone on Income Support is entitled to). You don't have to explain or defend yourself. People's circumstances can change in a heartbeat - job loss, a drop in income, illness, divorce or bereavement.

I use ebay and have managed to get some fab bits for DS, charity shops, FB selling sites etc. There are great bargains to be found at this time of year because so many parents are de-cluttering. There are a couple of really good Christmas threads on here which keep you updated with flash sales and reductions. You'll be ok. If you start now with just a couple of things, you'll feel a bit more in control. Don't let the panic and the hype consume you - Christmas should be about memories, not the accumulation of plastic tat.

sounds like our Christmas on a budget. fortunately i only have one ,my daughter will be getting a present about £30 max and her stocking will be a mix of party bag fillers/poundland/home bargains goodies.Buy second hand gift i have been looking at ebay for a dolls house for my daughter.

In our house father Christmas fills the stocking we put presents under the tree.

i buy food gradually get meat when on special freeze.For my other half present i draw inspiration from ukhotdeals its a bargain website.Check every day see what come's up that he would like.

I also suggest the facebook group Feed Yourself for £1 a day.Really helpful advice ,for clothes do you buy second hand i do with my daughter's clothes.Considering your situation i would also suggest keeping down the heating if you keep at a constant of 17 degrees its cheaper.

I have grown up poor there are loads of ways you can trim back .Keep to supermarket basic range including toiletries and detergents.Eat meat at least every other day we are currently at every 2 days.Look for cleaning jobs for peoples homes in newspapers/facebook groups.My mother did it coming up to Christmas,would go to many different houses and work to earn a little extra come Christmas.

good luck

Free nursery placements are a benefit.
They are paid for by the government using tax money.
There is no statutory obligation to provide three year olds with nursery places.

If you are a highly educated professional why are you doing a 'menial' job? Why can't you do your professional job part time?

You haven't 'fallen on hard times'. You gave up a highly paid job and kept spending as if you hadn't. How on earth else would you be on the verge of bankruptcy three years later when your OH earns 34k a year and you £600 a month.

So less of the sniping at people who claim benefits. Presumably you are getting CB?

Op - I am in a profession fairly similar to a lawyer (but not). One way I could earn extra money is through marking. Exams twice a year and they are always desperate for markers. Also students do assignments that again need marking. Any chance you could do something like that for your profession.

Personally I would cut right down on Xmas and use some of that £140 to reduce your mortgage arrears.

Poundland is your friend. Books, chocs, hair stuff, socks, smellies etc. We grew up with little but having lots of little things to open really spread the magic. I was happy with home made/second hand stuff too.

Ah ok I can see how you get to that figure now.
When does your youngest start school? Because you could look to get back to a better paid job then and have better long term financial prospects.

But for now, I think Christmas will be fine. You tell your dcs, if they ask, that this is the money you have. Don't get emotional about it or make them worry. But only if they ask.
The 3 year old won't be fussed.

Honestly charity shops have got amazing nearly new toys that I buy for my boy. I clean them up and spend some money on ribbons.

Free nursery places are not a benefit. Every single person in this country is entitled to 15 hours per week paid childcare.

I gave up my job as the nursery costs plus emotional Costs outweighed the benefits of my well paid job. I work a menial job as it provides me the flexibility of a menial job. Do you know how hard it is to find a part time position in the city? £34k a year is nothing on a £200k mortgage! His money pays the bills. Mine pays for food, any entertainment (none!) and school trips etc.

The toddler starts school in September. It will make things much easier!

I'm a little fed up having to explain my finances when I was just requesting advice I will admit.

I'd try and make free/cheap Christmas memories, the kids will remember the fun time they had with mum and dad doing fun/silly stuff, more than the presents, within 6 months I bet. Could you have a look at Pinterest for family time ideas? It might take more prep time, but could be worth it.

Could you explain to your older ones that only stockings come from FC, that you have always topped up the other things? That helps manage expectation. Ours always contain things like some pants and socks which they need anyway, toothbrush, nice flavour toothpaste, flannel, as well as chocolate and wind up toys, bubbles, popping candy etc. Party bag fillers can be good for this.

The little one has no sense of value, so will enjoy opening things in boxes. I bought inflatable toys one year, inflated them and packed them in big boxes with shred and ribbons and wrapping. They looked like big presents even though they weren't. A cheap football packs well like that.

I'm sorry you are not looking forward to Christmas this year. And ignore the mean comments, just focus on the good ones.

I feel like this is a twilight zone type of thread. £40000 ish between you means you must be spending a shit load elsewhere if your mortgage is £800.

Free nursery places are not a benefit. Every single person in this country is entitled to 15 hours per week paid childcare

They are a benefit. What on earth do you think a benefit is. CB is also a benefit.

What ever way you want to paint it OP your income is adequate. Your issue is your spending.

I have sympathy for anyone who is struggling to get by. But you have not 'fallen on hard times'. You have been over spending for years. Unless there is another reason why you are in such enormous debt that half your income goes towards paying it off?

Your insistence that you have never claimed a penny and on how educated you are just makes it sound like you want to distinguish yourself from the undeserving poor.