To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

Christmas doesn't have to cost much and you have loads of advice from kind Mumsnetters on here. Also, there are hundreds of other threads exactly like this over the years which you can look through for ideas. A lot of first time posters appear in October and November looking for advice about affording Christmas presents for their children.

I am curious about the bankruptcy. You say you are facing it because you gave up your high paying job to have your third child. But I can't work out how that makes you bankrupt? You must have calculated that you could afford it at the time, so something else must have happened?

If your previous job was 3x better paid but working full time would leave you with £400 a month instead of £600 how much is your childcare exactly? Are you paying gold plated unicorns to watch your kids?!

The Salvation Army do Christmas boxes including a gift for each child, ( I know as I try to help with this as much as possible) this may be linked to food bank. Will your be the only gifts of do you have family members who also give?

OP, If you are an avid READER, surely you know that every now and then we get begging threads here, and especially in the run up to Christmas.

Focus on the good advice you got!

Meanewhile I shall go ponder who on earth think it is a good idea to chuck in a good income to have a third child and more expenses, cos that is one I cant personally get my head around....

OP you say you're a regular lurker and you don't understand why posters are sceptical of, sorry to say it, a sob story OP from a first time poster at around Christmas time. We had one of these yesterday as well.

Posters get angry/upset because there are chancers out there who take advantage of kind/generous people on MN. How are we to know the genuine from the chancers?

£140 is plenty, my DC won't even be getting that spent on them this year.

Do I tell them that I have to pay him or let them think that they haven't been good enough this year to deserve expenaive presents like their friends will get.

No, I wouldn't tell them this, OP.

I would accept offer of the nice gifts people would like to send you. I have some really good age appropriate books, e.g., if you'd like. Good as new.

Last year 2 of my children got second hand bikes I got off a local selling site.
2nd hand books for 1p off amazon (look at other buying options when your shopping on there) same with dvds.
Primark clothes & accessories, made my own snowman soup cones.
You can do it. We are always skint, more so this year than before. It's really hard because you do want to give them all you can. But you can get through it.
I wish I could help you more, as I know just how hard it is.
Good luck op x

Sorry haven't read whole thread but just in case it hasn't been mentioned, have you thought of looking at freecycle. If you have toys in mind you could ask as wanted, also you have time to renovate anything you get that might be a bit worn. Look for good condition toys and books for little one in charity shops.

£140 means your dc won't be getting big ticket electrical items, but it means nothing more. They can still get lots of lovely presents for that, and I think the expectation of expensive electronics is unfortunate anyway. You can get absolutely loads for that money.

If they do question why they cannot have certain items just explain calmly that this year you have had to spend on other things and have been at home more, if they start to doubt Father Christmas it does not matter at their age. DP's parents used to say that parents had to give Father Christmas the money, I think it is best to just say that Father Christmas only brings stocking fillers and not tree presents.

You should definitely be fine for their presents with that, and bear in mind if it is not what they are used to that it will not do them any harm to adjust their expectations, probably the opposite. Maybe you could get the older ones involved in a charity initiative to focus them on how lucky they are.

I am sure you have already considered this and there must be reasons it could not work, but if you have a partner could you not go back to your full time higher paid work and let them be SAHP?

Some excellent suggestions here. I think I'll bookmark this thread.

OP the warning about not giving money is standard and necessary, certainly not that you should take personally.

Quint, maybe the.3rd child wasnt planned ??

I really hate it when people bring this up on threads, if a child is unplanned it's basically saying 'why didnt you abort'. Anyone can find themselves landing on their arses when a few events happen in a row, the.children are here now. So 'why have a 3rd' for whatever reason doesnt come into.it and is no-one elses business. 😬

I had four children to buy for a Christmas, when they were little I was so pleased they didn't ask for big things instead they liked little and lots. Nice paper and a fancy bow or some confetti spilling out when they open it. Pinterest also has lots of ideas, a cheap jar filled with homemade sweets or the ingredients for a milkshake or hot chocolate. Just be as honest as possible. And have lots of fun.

YouW,. I don't agree. Even if unplanned you can take a fewq weeks off and go back full time as I did. Instead she chose to impoverish her family. Her choice. We make our beds. We lie in them. Rich career women lawyers who choose poverty have only themselves to blame. The baby doesn't thank you for changing 20 nappies a day instead of 3 but it does thank you for being able to afford its university costs in due course. Never under estimate the importance of high female earnings

See I always told mine that some gifts came from people, some fromSanta but then Santa sent the bill to Mum and Dad.
They seemed to accept this.
One year DD got lots of little gifts like hair slides, scrunchies, glittery pens, coloured paper, she thought she got an awful lot by the time she'd unwrapped them all.

Personally I'm a little confused about the giving up work for the third child thing. I get that unplanned pregnancies happen, I have one, no judgement there. But surely you were paying childcare for the others before the little one was born? Or did you only start working when the second started school and so only have wrap around care to pay for? So yes of course the addition of one child adds a lot to childcare but it doesn't wipe out most of a very good salary. Is it £600 a month you say you get now? So three times that is £1800 a month. How much is your childcare?!

I'm not saying you are lying, but I wonder if perhaps you can't see the wood for the trees. People on here, as you must know if you are an avid reader, are really, really good with budgeting so perhaps if you were to give a bit of a breakdown of your mortgage and bills and other essential monthly payments like I debt then they might be able to help you. You sound pretty worn down by it all and I sympathise, I doubt very much that working in a shop considering your qualifications is doing anything for your self esteem.

Maybe everyone can lay off with the "I went back to work the second the sprog came out" shite.

Your life choices are just that. You don't get to shame someone else's.

Anyway, OP if you're still reading, I hope some of these posts have helped.

This doesn't mean no tech for the kiddies! You just have to trawl sites etc until you get lucky.

Maybe the youngest has a disability which the op hasnt mentioned ??

Everyone assumes solicitors earn shedloads of money, that's a myth. Chances are there isnt much left after paying out 3 lots of childcare so.she's taken a job that fits around her partners hours.

Or maybe she just wants to be there for her children growing up ?? There could be any reason.

I took ' a few weeks off' 15 years ago.......i'm still waiting to get back into work didn't expect to land on my arse and end up as a full time carer but hey, here I am. And i'm glad I didnt judge anyone else before my race to the bottom.

I love the idea of getting second hand toys for dc, it would mean you wouldn't have to get the screwdriver out to open the unnecessary packaging.

Sorry to drip feed but I wanted to say that regarding earning potential - working in a shop costs me £35 a week with the free nursery hours. Working full time will cost me £1400 a month with the children being cared for 8-6.

I have looked into everything trust me. If you want me to admit it then maybe I will succumb to the fact we wasn't financially stable enough for baby number 3. We have never claimed a penny in benefits, nor would we like to. We are just doing our best.

I have had some amazing advice today thanks so much. I have a day off on Monday and will be putting it to good use! X

Oh and I'm not a solicitor. I have a law degree and my specialism isn't in law. I've worked in a certain industry for 18 years.

I was back at work in 2 weeks full time after a baby. If you'd done that you wouldn't in this position.

High horse much?

OP i was in Tkmax earlier and they had loads of children's fancy dress costumes on offer for £3 and not just the haloween stuff. They also had loads of kids toys and books on clearance too so might be worth a look if you have one near.

Specialism? Career is what I meant!

I was back at work when all three of my children were 4 months. Thank you so much for all the posters who are providing tips for me and seemingly other readers.

There is nothing wrong in claiming child benefit if you are entitled.

We do claim child benefit. £180 a month. My husband and I earn under the threshold. X