To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

Re childminders - not at the moment but they might do by the time your youngest goes to school. Or by then you can use a combination of childminder and school clubs?
I wouldn't throw away earning potential especially when you're in such dire financial straits.
We took quite a financial hit but we worked through and now both DH and I are earning really well. If I'd stepped off and got a lower paid job, I'd have had no way of getting back.

Haven't read the whole thread but these pre filled stockings are good value for money www.hawkin.com/girl-stocking-8-plus

For Gods sake don't leave the 9 year old out or tell them they havent been good enough this year. WTF. Have you nothing you can sell on ebay.

£800 a month for your accommodation is really low, you are right to try and hold on to that place. If you had to rent or buy again you would be in a far worse position. The only thing I can think of that would change things massively is for you and DH to swap roles, but I guess that is not possible for whatever reason.

I really think you can make this a great Christmas though OP.

Ok op I see 2 issues

First you need to swallow your pride and realise that nothing is impossible.

Christmas is one (the smaller one honestly).

Stockings and presents
Look for black Friday deals
Use websites abebooks.com is great for books
Get round the charity shops, car boots and eBay

Honestly you have loads to spend on presents if YOU are prepared to change YOUR perception of where to shop and what to buy.

Ok so you can't afford a NEW console but you could but the older 2 a joint Xbox 360 (you can get great deals 2nd hand)

2nd issue

Your finances are shit, again swallow your pride. For whatever reason you are not living inside your means. This HAS to change and FAST

What you were earning, what decisions you made etc is now totally irrelevant.

You need to sit down and really budget.

Call the credit card companies and get the interest locked and make a repayment plan and stick to it.

Call the mortgage company and ask for a mortgage holiday, reduced payments, longer term.

Get rid of EVERY Expense you don't NEED but January 2017

Look at the following

Smart phone get rid
Sky get rid
Boardband get rid
Walk / ride everywhere you can - whatever the weather
Car share for dh
Put extra layers on and turn the heating down
Check your on the best electric, gas, water plans for your use and be bloody frugal with all of them. Share baths, turn light off,
Change your shopping habits e.g. switch to supermarket own brands, shop in different shops
Meal plan to make the absolute most out of your food shopping

Yes it will be tough but what is tougher is the balifs turning up and losing your home.

You must dig yourself out of this whole and fast other wise you won't be worrying about only having £140 pounds next Christmas.

I'm really confused. Countless people have asked you if you have had debt advice and you've ignored it every single time.

Look on your local Facebook selling pg or local gumtree. You can get stuff that's practically brand new for a bargain. We sold a wii years ago which was boxed and hardly used and you def wouldn't know it was second hand.

Could you recycle some of the older children's toys for the 3yo? My dd is getting some toys ds never really played with and we ve kept in the loft. She wouldn't know they were second hand. However there's only 2 years between mine (one of the very few advantages) so maybe it's more difficult to do that with a bigger age gap.

Also, could you club together with other relatives to get a more expensive bigger present. We have done that before with more expensive presents for ds.

I haven't had debt advice, no. But it's the first thing on my list to do on my day offor- Monday.

Don't tell them things are tight. It's all smoke and mirrors at Christmas - get in lots of sweets and cheap games, music on loud and have fun.
Kids don't remember the actual presents - they remember the fun! Don't tell them FC thought they weren't that good this year!

I wouldn't consider broadband to be an inessential expense. It's not like dial up is a good, cheaper option.

Hi op these kindles go down to £35 when its Black Friday maybe that could be your children's electronic present if they haven't got one already.

Personally I think £140 just for presents for the DC is ok. Will they have stuff from grandparents, family etc? Mine are 8 and 6, and I usually spend about £50 each. Would the two older ones go for some kind of larger shared present? Then you could get the some bits and pieces from poundland etc too. The 3yo won't know the difference, you could easily pick up second hand stuff.

I always put things they need like pants/socks/pens etc in their stocking.

I am not asking to be nosey, but what is your weekly food bill, OP?
Have you gone through all your DDs to see if there are charges for items you no longer use like old gym memberships, AA membership, etc?
Are you getting absolutely the best rate possible for your insurance?
How much are you paying for phones?
Does someone buy lunch out?
You are leaking money somewhere.

Although you didn't practice law, are you still qualified to do wills or other bread and butter legal services that you could charge for on an itemised basis (not for your time)?
Could you tutor A level students studying Law?

Ideas for presents:
Look around for a used Wii if you don't have one already. My DCs loved our Wii when they were 8 - 12. It was fantastic value. I got them one (used) between them all for Christmas one year, with little things for individual presents.
Crafts for your oldest girl - my DD1 loved a beaded hair clip set. It literally occupied her for years.
Oven-bake clay set.
Baking items - real pans and a child friendly recipe book plus a small apron and items like flour, etc that you would be buying anyway.
Knitting set/crochet set including instructions, plus yarn.
New markers, crayons, drawing pads, paints.
I would honestly get big cardboard boxes for the little one.

I wouldn't spend equally on them all. You can spend far less on the youngest as long as you use your imagination.

I would also plan to spend time with the DCs doing things like baking gingerbread men and decorating them, making simple Christmas decorations like garlands, etc. If there are caroling services and you are so inclined, take the DCs along. You might find ideas on Pinterest for crafts you could do with the older DCs.

Let them all believe in SC and don't trouble them with your worries. You can shift them into a less materialistic and more 'family fun' sort of Christmas mode but there is no need to beat them over the head with it or convey to them the impression that this is a second class way to celebrate.

Your didn't suddenly fall on your bum financially as you put it, you chose to have an extra child and quit your decency paid job.

Whatever you think, you are living outside your means. Your joint income is healthy yet you have been living on credit cards and are now behind on the mortgage. That's not living within your means by any stretch of the imagination.

If the alternative is bankruptcy you'd be amazed at what you can manage without.

If the alternative is bankruptcy you'd be amazed at what you can manage without

True. Just that sometimes something seemingly frivolous like broadband can actually end up being cheaper in the long run - able to use internet to switch energy providers, access online help, watch things online etc.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year?

Just for this, YABU. Completely. Your poor daughter, that you're even thinking this way. Your DD is only a year older than your DS. Are you really contemplating training her to think that she's worth less than her male siblings from such a young age? Awful.

And quite frankly £140 is a massive amount to spend on 3 children at Christmas. You can do a lot with that much.

Yes but the interent is EVERYWHERE. go to the libary etc.

It's not a necessity believe me.

You get rid of everything you have to do clear the debt as fast as possible. Then you can reasses what things you WANT.

right now the up needs to deal with NEEDS AND REALITY. reality is as a family they are living outsie of their means.

The library always gets trotted out as Internet access. Not everyone has a library locally. Not every library has more than a few computers for a LOT of people. It's worth the few £ a cheap package costs to actually be able to access it as and when it's needed.

Exactly, Yello. Plus jobsearches, etc, and of course, debt advice.
www.nationaldebtline.org/
One way of budgeting for food is to do an online shop, so there's no throwing stuff into the trolley because it looks tempting or the kids are with you and pestering. Even if you succumb and check out, you can amend your order when you kick yourself.

OP needs to either keep a smartphone with data, or broadband. It's non-negotiable, really. Of course, it's a given to look for the cheapest available package that would meet needs.

You have had loads of advice re buying second hand and consoles etc ( for example the wii-console, fit board & games around £50 all in, great fun, out of fashion but kids LOVE them-and you can play all day together)

When we are skint Santa brings cheap stuff in BIG boxes and they know in advance that Mum & Dad (we do Santa as a by magic, separate entity) are a bit skint at the moment and the 'gucci stuff' is out of reach.

Please don't tell the children that Santa's not coming-or do more for one.
.
My son went to his Dad's and his Dad forgot Santa. Forgot. When I rang in the evening my DS was very quiet. I asked what was up. Immediate tears. Sobbing, he asked whether Santa had 'been' at our house because (DS) "didn't think he'd been that naughty this year".

I don't know how you do Christmas and Santa but please don't kill the magic for them at 8 & 9

Our library is open 2 days a week. Of course, there's the option of £7 return busfare to the library in the nearest city, but that pays for 2 weeks superfast broadband.

I'm not sure Christmas is the time for reality if it can be avoided. She's got the £140 - spend that, have a good one and sort all this out in the new year. 2015 I couldn't afford school shoes, I'm now over paying the mortgage by nearly a grand a month. It all gets sorted if you deal with it. Head in he sand is no good OP but you don't have to have a Mumsnet chicken for Christmas either

Payplan is a good place for debt advice, and free just google. They helped me a lot in the past. Hopefully they can help with the financial situation.

In terms of presents etc I think you can get quite a bit for that amount, but then have never spent lots on the presents. We do stockings with bits in, an orange sweeties (pound land for a £1 selection) then lots of bits, daft things really but they love the unwrapping more than what it is sometimes. It's the whole tradition of it all really. The Works is good for bits and think you can do online, books from Amazon can be new and 1p, or search local charity shops on a day off, you might be surprised at what you pick up. Children grow out and get bored of things so there should be lots, Ebay as well for anything specific.

Good luck and you'll get through it. xx