To tell my children we can't afford Christmas?

[DNo]

This is hard to post.

My daughter is 9 and my sons are 8 and 3. We are on the brink of bankruptcy due to me leaving my very well paid job to have DC3. I never in a million years dreamed we'd be in this situation.

Our mortgage is one month behind and our two credit cards are maxed due to essential buys - no frivolous spending, just childcare costs and things like school uniform and food shopping. We are not idiots and it's only been the last 3 years we've used credit. I work 30 hours per week but I used to earn 3 times my wage.

We have literally £140 to spend for Christmas as we've been saving £5 a week. There is no way we can get more money as I've sold all our non essentials - we don't even have a microwave as I sold it for £20.

Would you explain to the eldest that Father Christmas chooses to spend more on the younger children and older children get rewarded in other ways during the year? Or tell the truth? They'll still have a wonderful Christmas I promise you! But how do you tell them that some children get more than others?

Not looking for any sympathy, just advice from people who may have been in a similar situation, thank you. X

15 hours free childcare for all 3 year olds is a universal benefit. No need to be touchy about it op.

£800 per month mortgage repayments really isn't a lot! Posters here are just trying to figure out how you are nearly bankrupt.

It's perfectly possible to do a cheap Christmas. I would also be completely up front with the older children and tell them that you can't afford to splash out on loads of stuff. Presumably you've cut your spending all year round as you're 'on the verge of bankruptcy', selling the microwave etc, so it's hardly going to be a surprise. I think the idea that you have to cover up and pretend to 8 and 9 yr olds that you can splash the cash is really not right.

When our children were small, mortgage interest rates went through those dreadful hikes into double figures. We were skint for several years with childcare costs too.

One other point- your wraparound childcare bill can surely be reduced. A childminder doing school drop off and after school care should be cheaper for 2 kids than the money you're paying. And I would start planning to get your career back on track because it's ridiculous to live like this when you have far greater earning potential

What is your take home pay from your 30 hours per week job?

its always worth checking charity shops for toys and things! Ive got some wonderful stuff round here that ive given to my son on christmas. I think £140 is a good amount and you dont need to cancel christmas just have a more low key christmas than you are used to. The kids wont mind as much as you think they will, just as long as theres some bits to unwrap a bit of tinsel and some christmas songs on!! I wouldnt say anything to be honest just be enthusiastic and joyous on christmas day and they probs wont even notice too much, its not like they are teenagers. It really is just the effort you put in not the money. As long as you seem happy im sure your kids will too!! xxxx

They're 8 and 9 - don't listen to the posters telling you to burden your children with financial worries at that age and don't burst their bubble about FC.

My 9 Y would be really upset if I said FC isn't real (eve though I suspect he might have an inkling..) For that matter, DS1 would also be upset and he's 11!

OP, I posted most of this for another thread, but think it could help you. Take some time out to go through everything and see where you can reduce outgoings. You need peace and quiet to do this, but so worthwhile. Just changing a utility provider can cut your bills and earn you cashback.
Make a list of essential outgoings - mortgage, council tax, utilities etc. (Essentially all the direct debits) add transport and school dinners etc. Keep going (ignoring groceries etc for the minute)
Then deal with them one at a time and tick them off. Ask bank about mortgage options - paying just interest temporarily, or re-mortgaging.
Do you pay council tax over 10 months? You could change it to 12? Also make sure the dates for those are convenient, you can change most if necessary.

If you don't have accounts already, set up both topcashback and quidco - these are important. If you prefer just one, I would go with TCB. If you are referred they normally give you an incentive, pm me if you want the link.
Next, utilities. Check you are with the best supplier. If you can change, go through TCB to get some of it back. This applies to electric, gas, broadband, home phone, mobiles, car & home insurance and more.
Check the 'free stuff' but of TCB. You can get money for nothing! E.g. Order a giffgaff sim, no charge, they pay you TCB!
Mobile phone - if your contract is up, either get the upgrade and sell it or ask them ro reduce your monthly cost to sim only.

Also go to Money Saving Expert and search for advice, one thing at a time. Loads of useful advice there.

There is more but don't want to bombard you if you don't think it's helpful for you. Have been working at all this stuff for a while myself! Hope it helps.

Will the kids get presents from other people such as grandparents etc? Perhaps you could request no presents for yourself from relatives (if you get them) and that any money goes towards the kids presents.

£34k gross - after tax is about £2,184 a month.

£200k mortgage will be absolute max £900.
Leaving you £1,100 for food and bills etc. Oh, plus another £600 you're bringing in.

TBH you don'e sound like someone 'educated who has fallen on hard times' you sound either 1) totally financially incompetent to have kept spending at the same rate as when you were employed or 2) overly dramatic and not actually on the verge of bankruptcy.

Which is it?

Actually that is £1,200 + 600 which is £1,800 which really should be enough to pay bills and food. Unless you started with big debts and were always putting shit on the credit cards that you couldn't afford.

You should go over to Moneysavingexpert and visit the debt free wannabe board. There is no judgement on there for people in debt.

There are no childminders who serve our school who have availability for three children.

I have not been overspending. We haven't had a holiday for 3 years, I haven't had my hair cut for 3 years (apart from me giving it a trim with kitchen scissors!) and every penny is accounted for before we spend.

I have had so much help here this evening, thank you. I do feel that some people are deluded as to how easy it is to suddenly fall onto the bones of your bum financially though.

If you're on 40k (which is a shitload of money to a huge amount of people) and are reduced to flogging your microwave for £20, would you be better asking for actual financial advice from MNers? If you are in mortgage arrears, I would no way be spending £140 on presents for DC. You have clearly had a much higher income in the past but you still have a good income now!

If you can post a SOA you would probably get much better, and more useful advice than asking for advice on how to explain to your DC that some DC "get more than others".

It sounds like it's not just your DC that need to reset their expectations. I know it's shit when things change but I would be bloody estatic with a 40k income, as would a lot of people.

Not sure if this has already been suggested as not read all posts but You can get a Kindle Fire for £48 - an idea for the older 2?

£140 for presents is pretty healthy, I think

I posted this on last nights similar thread and will post again. Tell your children's school. They will arrange for gifts from a charity. There is no stigma and no-one will know. Schools do it for many many children each year.

140 for presents is doable. I did it for four kids last year. Don't buy anything for anyone other than your own children.

I bought my two eldest mp3 players for £20, the next a dolls house for £30 (Groupon offer) and the tiny one some wooden blocks and bath toys. They all had a stocking (pound shop is your friend) and some new pj's (new to them, ebay) And a book for Christmas eve. A few board games from charity shops as family presents. They had a fabulous time and there was no need to worry them about money at all.

Oh God no perditalost. I couldn't and wouldn't do that. Thanks anyway. X

£140 for 3 kids is hardly worth telling the kids sob stories about no santa, blah blah blah.

OK, so you won't be getting them iAnything, but they're hardly going to have empty stockings, with a bit of thought and imagination.

Freecycle - join and add. It's an amazing source of bits and pieces (like microwaves) you couldn't think of, and when you're back on your feet a fab way of passing on things you don't need. I have 2 furbies in working order you're welcome to. Please PM me xx

Would it be worth it, or possible for you to go back to your former profession for three or four days a week, and your dh to reduce his days to three or four? You could minimize what does seem like high childcare costs, whilst keeping your careers on track for later. Or would any of your parents be able to do a school/ nursery pick up?

It might not help you with this Christmas but longer term could pay off.

Last year I had £50 each to spend on my four. I won't lie it wasn't great and they don't have loads of relatives to spoil them either .,. I was just honest, even with my then 5 year old. Told them things would get better but that year it was a bit shit ... They were fine

I have not been overspending. We haven't had a holiday for 3 years, I haven't had my hair cut for 3 years (apart from me giving it a trim with kitchen scissors!) and every penny is accounted for before we spend.

As a family with a take-home income of £2,800 a month.... you have been overspending. Actually. Since you are in mortgage arrears, maxed up to the eyeballs in credit card debt and about to be made bankrupt.

Mine aren't getting a main present this year either, they haven't asked for one. They don't need one. I'm sure if you've spent £150 every other year then they have plenty already.

It is doable. £140 for pressies is more than I'm spending. Their pressies from father Christmas are all from charity shop except for book, and so are half the pressies from us. Mine are 2 and 5 though and their pressies are usually second hand and they genuinely don't notice or care. NCT sales are great, as is preloved. I wouldn't say anything but agree easier to spend less on the younger ones. Good luck.

OP I can assure you that I am not deluded. We have been living on the edge of poverty for many years.

Your credit cards are full, you are in debt and in mortgage arrears even though you have a healthy income.

There is no way you got to that point without over spending.

That is not a 'dig', it is a fact.

If you don't face up to it you will never get yourself out of this mess.