To be devastated that I can't breastfeed my baby?

[smellsofelderberries]

My little one is 6 days old and we just can't seem to get the hang of breastfeeding, and it's really affecting me. I spend so much of the days in tears over it. I am pumping and she is having bottles, but on the rare occasion I can get her to latch she just lies there and won't suck. I have a good milk supply, but we just can't seem to make it happen I am desperate to breastfeed and don't know what else to do.
Anyone else had similar and managed to successfully transition from bottle to breast? I'm starting to lose hope
We have seen a lactation consultant at our local childhood health centre but wondering if a private consultant might be the next step, though I'm not sure how they can help if she just won't suck.

Lots of hugs. My son struggled as well, I'm still not quite sure why. Hv's kept telling me my supply was crap, but I don't know.!He lost weight for the first two weeks and didn't regain birth weight until 4. He's now 16 months and I'm still feeding.
The NHS is full of propaganda about how simple breastfeeding is and I reckon for about 80% of people it's not.
If you can get recommendations for a drop in or LC that might help. Whereabouts are you?

You're doing really well to be expressing, and in doing so you're keeping your milk up which is amazing.

Keep going she might suddenly just get it.

Get really cosy on the bed or sofa with some duvets and the heating on and do some skin to skin, first of all without trying to feed, then gradually bring feeding into it. It can kick start their instincts.

It can take 6 weeks to establish BFing, so it's early days, but don't feel like it's the be all and end all. In the end your happiness is more valuable to her than your milk.

I couldn't breastfeed due to lazy baby and then having to go back onto medication sooner than expected (me not the baby).
8 months later and I'm still gutted that dd wasn't breastfed and I am very jealous of those who do/can!

At 6 days old you'll still have baby blues which will probably be the cause of some of the tears!

As people have said, there are specialists about to help. Good luck with feeding and either way, boob or bottle, your baby will still love you

It's great if you can breastfeed but please please don't spoil this special time with your gorgeous, tiny baby by beating yourself up if you can't.
You will never get this time again.

My baby needed Iv antibiotics due to an infection at birth and was being tube fed formula before I'd even made it out of recovery from my c-section due to low blood sugar.

I was keen to breastfeed so started trying as soon as he was out of scbu 24 hours after he was born. He would latch on but then just lie there and not suck, it was so frustrating!

I was expressing every 3 hours and after about a week he was having ebm. I persevered with offering him the breast at every feed and then topping up with ebm.

What eventually worked was getting him to be a little bit more hungry by dropping the top ups for a little bit (no longer than 6 hours). He got hungry and then worked a bit harder at the breast, by about day 9 he was breastfeeding only with no top ups. We are still going 4 months later.

It is still early days so get all the support you can and persevere if that is what you want. It is really hard so you are not alone in that regard. Take care of yourself and congratulations!

minifingerz - fully agree with you.
Women deserve correct accurate full information. It is disrespectful to anyone not to give them the full, the true picture. Yes sometimes its tough to hear but it doesn't make it less true. I wouldn't have thanked anyone for downplaying breastfeeding for instance if it could have led/helped me to me switch(ing) to formula.
Would anyone stay silent if a mother suggested feeding normal cow milk to a baby? Or introducing solids at a couple of months old? Let's be honest and tell the truth. But let's ensure this comes with support and encouragement to help a mother achieve her goal.

Loads of good advice on here and loved the compression video, that's really useful.

Good point about how breastfeeding is important on a lot of levels, but counter argument is mental health problems from difficulties breastfeeding is a huge issue! It's not worth getting pnd for!!

Just wanted to say that you can cup feed a baby its whole daily requirements of milk, and avoid bottles totally. The baby can get good and quick at cup feeding really quickly. Just make sure to hold the cup so meniscus (top of the milk) is at baby's lips so they have to stick their tongue out like a cat to lick it up. Be v careful you don't pour the milk in so they cough/choke. Have seen babies in Africa (prem down to 30 weeks and small sized term babies) do cup feeds like this amazingly well for weeks at a time and gain weight beautifully, then when big and strong enough transfer onto the breast without difficulty. Made me wonder why we use cup feeding so little in the western world.

Good luck op xx

you are at a tough stage in the bf journey. Be kind to yourself... if it works out, then great. if it doesnt, then thats ok.... as long as your baby is thriving, thats the main thing!
I didnt get past day 7 with DD... it just didnt work - bad latch, too tired, first time mum, overwhelmed... but with DS i went for 3 months.. couldnt believe it.
Both are happy, healthy, smart, beautiful kids - the feeding method didnt change that! I have a strong bond with both. you will be fine honey, you just need to figure it out xx

Be kind to yourself! And your baby.
It's worth trying, IF you can get more support but I promise you, it's not you. You are not doing anything wrong. You are doing good. But some babies just find it tricky.
My experience is that with my first baby I spent nearly 5 months struggling to breast feed - he was always skinny and hard to feed - I hated it and we found it hard to leave the house. But I 'knew' it was the right thing to do, so I kept on trying. He was so much happier and grew loads when we moved to formula bottle feeding. Baby number 2 was so unexpectedly easy to breast feed, I carried on for 15 months (having planned to only do it for 2 weeks). So I believe it's about your baby and what's right for them. And for you too.
I wish you good luck.

Oblada - I think that women deserve accurate information about formula feeding too - not scare stories about risks and disadvantages that could make them feel even worse if they do end up formula feeding their child.

Support for breastfeeding is hugely important, especially when someone is having problems - I might have been able to breastfeed my sons if I had had the right information at the right time - and I did go looking for advice and help, but I didn't get the help I needed when I needed it.

And sadly the internet, and the amazing support offered by sites like this, didn't exist, so each time I did my best, persists as long as I could (even to the stage of throwing a HV out of my house for saying that she had to think of the best interests of the baby, when I was telling her I wanted to make bf work). I only introduced formula with ds2 when he was admitted to hospital as failing to thrive, and I was told he couldn't go home until I started to supplement him and he started to gain weight.

So I agree that it is vital that women get all the support and information that they need, so that they can give breastfeeding the best possible chance of succeeding. But I think it can be done without telling women that the alternative is dangerous to their child, or that formula is poison (something I have seen a poster on MN say), or that mothers who formula feed cannot have the same wonderful depth of relationship with their child that they would have if they breastfed. That is not support, it is pressure - making someone scared of the alternative will add extra stress to an already stressful situation, which will surely be counterproductive.

Minifingerz is missing the point that throughout history babies also died. Infant mortality was high. I suspect in some countries babies are fed by friends and relatives of the Mum has poor supply.
Please don't minimise how hard it can be for some women.

And actually I've seen women who have struggled with BF to the extent that's it's stopped them bonding. Or has contributed to PND.

It is ok to feel how you feel.its not unusual to feel like that either.

You've had lots of practical help. One I haven't noticed mentioned is sometimes baby getting antsi when your trying to latch can be down to something incredibly simple like position or wind. And often a good winding session against your shoulder can help as can a total switch of position, lots of women find laying down feeding helpful whilst they are first learning or holding the baby like a rugby ball instead of arm cradling.

I don't know if it's just me but the usual arm cradle position to me always seams very hard right at the very beginning.

Try and remember just because you are struggling now it does not mean you will struggle next week or further down the line.

It is perfectly possible that in a short time you will be doing perfectly well

That happened with me cArey - the first couple of months were such a struggle, trying to get him to feed was all there was and I felt like if I couldn't do that there was no point to me. Having got through that I'm grateful I persevered but I'll never know what it would've been like if I'd switched to formula

Oh, thank you thank you for all your kind words! So wonderful to hear so many tales of BFing success after a rocky start.

Little one definitely does not have tongue tie, if anything her tongue is too long and is getting in her way when trying to latch. We are using nipple shields, and she will latch and then just lie there, hasn't yet made the connection between my boobs and milk. She was quite jaundice after birth so we have had to wake for feeds, but just tonight (we're in Aus) she's been hungry and waking for extra milk, so I'm hoping now she's a little more interested we might have a bit more success.

I will look at the LLL and maybe getting a private consultant if we don't have any more luck.

It's so hard not to take it personally! And I know she is getting fed so is happy, I just hate how much time pumping takes away from her. I feel like I'm failing at doing something so natural. I expected cluster feeding hell and cracked nipples, not a downright refusal, so my feelings have really taken me by surprise. Thank you again for all the kind words

As others have said 6 days in is nothing. Please do try to persevere. It is not easy for anyone. I do think an awful lot of people get put off in the first week or so when in fact that's just the tough but when everyone is learning what the hell you're supposed to be doing.

A lot of people will encourage you to drop it at this point and say there's no point in you being stressed as it will impact your baby. But I'd really really encourage you just to keep going a little longer.

Pumping is miserable I know. Do whatever you can to get her suckling. Have you called LLL? Spoken to HV? Gone to a bf drop in?

Honestly the fire few weeks of breastfeeding for me were honestly hellish but one day all will just fall into place. And after that it is so lovely and a wonderful thing to do for your baby.

Chin up and good luck.

LLL has a free helpline.

Why are you using nipple shields? Unless there is a specific reason like inverted nipple I'd drop those at it actually makes it more difficult I think.

It does happen, it's not unusual. Breastfeeding is natural but not necessarily easy! You are not failing at anything. You're succeeding at managing this complex situation and feeding your baby.

Try not to think too far ahead, take one feed at a time. Keep offering the breast and see how she gets on. If she can latch even if she doesn't suck then that's a great start. It can be surprisingly tiring for them to suck, so it needs to build up as they get stronger.

Congratulations. It's an overwhelming time! Has anyone checked your little one out for tongue tie. My daughter had it and I pumped until she had the snip at 3 weeks. Worth a check as this would hamper her latching. By pumping she is getting all the benefits of greasy milk. But keep trying...do lots of skin to skin,let her explore without being ravenous,bond together and I'm sure it will happen.

Dear - congrats on your baby! - you are doing fine!!! You are pumping and your baby is getting liquid gold, aka breastmilk!! I also had trouble with breastfeeding in the beginning and sadly my milk never really came in...so I had to use formula. I also felt devastated but got over it. You'll be just fine. Big hug. Xx

Congratulations on your baby OP and all those snuggles with your newborn! You're doing so well: keep trying as long as it feels right for the two of you. As you're pumping milk exclusively at the moment, I can recommend fenugreek capsules, porridge and flapjacks to help boost your milk supply. Also, Netflix on your tablet/phone for your pumping sessions (The Good Wife got me through eight weeks of exclusive pumping x 8 daily!). Koko and I hope your lo latches on soon.

I feel like I'm failing at doing something so natural.

Thats your bluesy postnatal hormones talking, you know. It is not in any way your fault if she's not got the hang of latching.

I had a rocky start with bf - mine latched brilliantly but I had low milk supply, so totally 'my fault' - had to supplement for the first 5 weeks - oh, yes, I know that feeling of failure. But we got there and looking back, I can see how much I'd got things out of perspective.

I BF my 1st for well over a year. I was a BF goddess- anytime, any place, I was super mum and super breastfeeder.

I couldn't feed my 2nd at all. After 10 days he was admitted to hospital. I Never really fed him again.

They are now young adults. My relationship with theme is the same and always has been . They are equally healthy and happy. If anything the non BF one is cleverer and also a bit more cuddly (but cuddles may be a boy/girl thing)

If it had been my 1st child then I would have been devastated and felt awful I know. Sometimes it just isn't to be and having a happy and healthy baby is the most important thing. Bottle feeding is not failure.

PS. has she been checked for jaundice?

Hello OP!

I wanted to offer some reassurance for you. With DD1, she was a big baby, my milk didn't really come in for 5 days and I struggled to get her to feed. We ended up being readmitted to hospital as she was dehydrated. I FF for a day and gradually built up BF. In the end I mix fed her, continuing to BF until she was 15m. I found BF really hard but it did get a lot easier after a few weeks. With DD2, I knew it might be difficult, she was early and struggled to latch. I expressed and she was cup fed in hospital. I used nipple shields and we got the hang of it together in the end, got rid of the shields at about 12 weeks and she is still BF now once or twice a day at 17m.

I didn't find it easy but got there with a bit of practice and didn't see FF/BF as all or nothing either.

Just think - in a few years they will be scoffing haribo no worries!