To be devastated that I can't breastfeed my baby?

[smellsofelderberries]

My little one is 6 days old and we just can't seem to get the hang of breastfeeding, and it's really affecting me. I spend so much of the days in tears over it. I am pumping and she is having bottles, but on the rare occasion I can get her to latch she just lies there and won't suck. I have a good milk supply, but we just can't seem to make it happen I am desperate to breastfeed and don't know what else to do.
Anyone else had similar and managed to successfully transition from bottle to breast? I'm starting to lose hope
We have seen a lactation consultant at our local childhood health centre but wondering if a private consultant might be the next step, though I'm not sure how they can help if she just won't suck.

Another vote for LLL. I was stuck in hospital and I couldn't get my daughter to latch on until day five. It was a terrible time. I did get a lot of moral support from LLL. They also offered to visit me but in the end we cracked it.
I was devastated before that because BF was so important to me. I also became very engorged and in a lot of pain because I couldn't get the milk out quick enough and my breast was so swollen I had inverted nipples
I eventually got her on the breast with a nipple shield. Some people are against them but I say try anything.
Whatever happens, keep your milk flowing, so in effect you are telling your body yes we want this milk. And you need someone to help you with the fact that your baby won't latch. With us it was jaundice. She was too tired to feed. BF is hard work for baby which is why they would often rather sleep.

A bit extreme, but I exclusively expressed for over a year. Hard work, but it can be done.

she is only 6 days!!!! and trust me when she is starving hungry she WILL eat.

if you really want to BF, persevere and remember the first few weeks are HARD WORK

My advice is to not bother expressing, you have a boob. use that and keep it simple.

I am sorry what should be so easy, just bloody isn't .

Saying that she will eat when she's hungry is not helpful. Get all the help you can with breastfeeding but babies can and do starve themselves when breastfeeding isn't working. I'm sure you're having regular weigh ins etc to ensure your baby is gaining weight but please don't let anyone make you feel like continuing to breastfeed is the only way forwards.

elderberries - first off massive hugs and lots of .

You are were I was just over 2 years ago. I really wanted to BF, everyone said how uncomfortable it could e - no one told me how hard it could be and DD just didn't get the hang of it. I really felt myself going in a downward spiral, pumping is quite honestly one of the most soul destroying processes. In the end I used a mix of nipple shields (DD was struggling to latch and did not have tongue tie), I struggled to find any BF support groups locally but do see if you can find one local to you.

If you want to perservere and feel you can please hang in there. When DD was about 6 weeks old I broke down, I called my Mum and told her I just couldn't do it anymore because DD wouldn't latch with the shields anymore. Only when I took them off, she latched beautifully and we never looked back. I only stopped BF at 22 months because my poor nips were on fire when I fell pregnant with DS.

If you need a PM, even if it is just someone to cry too please do get in touch. I really struggled with the lack of support out there, BFN were shit, there were no NHS run support groups locally, and it can be hard to find a FB group where you don't feel judged (even if they aren't judgy Postnatal we are all a bit overwhelmed and emotional!). I get it is everyone's right to choose whether or not to BF, but I feel like drive to say 'fed is best' has come at the expense of BF support, at least in my area.

And finally CONGRATULATIONS - you had a baby!!!!! xxxxx

Check for tongue tie!!

Sorry for !! but I have seen so many people at an utter loss with bf who give up and never truly reconcile this with themselves, only to find out later that tongue tie is the culprit.

Your first step is to get your GP or HV to check and refer you to a specialist clinic, even if they don't spot anything themselves. Posterior tongue tie for example is very difficult to spot and often missed, I know several people who have seen various "experts" who have all missed it, trust your gut instinct and keep trying. Don't rule it out until you've had it checked by everyone.

I was an LLL member for years - good organisation. Also consider payijng for a private expert too. If you don't want to breastfeed of course that absolutely fine but if you are keen as I was then do keep trying.

In my case my milk after colostrum did not come in for much longer than most people's by the way although I think by day 6 but you are really are in very early days.

it can take a while to latch. [Avert gaze here if do not like this..... I latched one of my sister's twins on in its first few days on my breast when she could not latch it on hers so see if the issue was with the baby or my sister - my own twins had not fed for about 6 months at that stage as they were nearly 2 - and the baby could latch on. It was a useful experiment actually]

I agree don't bother expressing unless you really need to to keep supply up - just keep putting the baby to the breast say once an hour or every 2 hours all day you are awake if you can manage that and see how it goes. Try both sides. Relax. Stay warm Drink a lot of water. Do make sure you feed direct to your breast every few hours each night too. Don't let anyone else i your life give the baby bottles for now either.

Yes, I've been in your position. Private lac consultants, the works. Exactly the same problem as you. I gave it a good go for 8 weeks (mostly pumping) and since then she was formula fed. She's now 11.

I still believe breast is best, BUT I also believe that what goes in their tummies during their 18 or so years of childhood and adolescence has a much much greater impact on their future health and wellbeing than baby formula during the first 12 months. I'm very picky about what I give them to eat and I will be until they day they leave home.

I managed to breast feed my subsequent babies relatively easily, and when you can manage it, it is a lovely experience. Good luck. Don't beat yourself up.

You've had lots of good advice already. Check for tongue tie, try to see a lactation consultant if you can, try different positions and gently blowing her face/tickling her feet to keep her awake on the breast. Most of all, rest, eat and drink well yourself () and get lots of skin-to-skin with her. Try not to let this become all-consuming and overshadow these incredibly special first days with her. It will click, or it won't, but either way she's being fed, she's getting your colostrum and breastmilk and you're her amazing mum.

So get her checked for TT by an infant feeding specialist midwife or ibclc or person who divides - can be a Mw, a paed, a dentist!

Look up finger feeding and supplemental nursing

Try with a nipple shield, express into in first and do Breast compressions as your baby attaches.

If you have to keep using bottles try the medela calma

Go to your nearest baby cafe, see if the infant feeding team can see you or find an ibclc

Good luck with getting sorted, lots of babies don't feed well in the first few weeks

Oh breastfeeding is so HARD. My DS is 3 months now and Is EBF now but we had all the same battles in the early days, and lots of tears too. It's so emotional and so intimate and so easy to start feeling like a failure. But you're not! You're doing amazingly! Like you I was pumping as soon as my milk came in, because as soon as my baby latched on he'd just conk out and fall asleep instead of sucking. So we just kept trying and in the meantime I pumped too to make sure I was getting enough into him via a bottle (Tommee Tippee closer to nature for us). He got the hang of sucking after a few days. But their mouths are so small, I had all those early morning crazy sessions trying to get a tiny hungry mouth to open with the nipple at the right angle... In my case, we carried on and are still breastfeeding now, and have the advantage that he's happy with both bottle and boob. Equally, one of my mates who had a baby at the same time is now exclusively pumping, and feeding breast milk via bottle. So that works for them, and she gets out and about with her bottles in a little chiller bag, and only pumps a few times a day. So I think you're doing all the right things, and you should keep going. And do you know what, if it doesn't work out, that's okay too. The last thing you are is a failure. You've just made a person! You rock!

Smellsofelderberries - firstly congratulations on your baby's birth!

Secondly, in addition to all the good, practical advice on here about tongue tie, lactation consultants etc, I would add this. Yes, breastfeeding is an amazing thing to do for your baby - but it is just one of the many, many amazing things you can do to support, nourish and encourage your daughter as she grows up.

I struggled with breastfeeding with all three of my sons - for some reason they never put on weight on my milk, and I had to supplement with formula, which in turn spelled the end of breastfeeding for me. And I felt deeply unhappy about this - I called myself a failure for it. I was so hard on myself, and I am sure that this contributed to me being depressed after each birth.

But now my sons are 19, 21 and 23, and I can look back and see things more clearly - and more kindly - and I can see that I did not fail my babies. I made sure that they were well nourished, albeit with formula rather than breast milk (and I am so grateful that I live in a society where I had easy access to good quality formula, clean water and electricity so I could feed them safely).

Once they were weaned, I made sure they ate well - home cooked food, plenty of vegetables, lots of variety. They were kept clean (well, clean-ish), warm, loved, educated, entertained, given fresh air and exercise, and taught right from wrong.

And they have all grown up to be fine young men. Formula feeding has not damaged them in any way.

So whilst yes, breastfeeding is important, it is not the end of the world if you can't and won't blight your child's life. So follow the advice you have had here, but if you don't end up managing to exclusively breastfeed your baby, don't beat yourself up. Look at all the other amazing things you will be able to do for your daughter, and remind yourself that you are an amazing mother.

Breastfeeding is a great foundation for a child - but if you can't breastfeed your child, the whole structure of their life will still be firm, well-founded, safe and strong, I promise.

Whatever happens, don't make it such a big deal in your mind that you feel 'devastated'.

She's taking expressed milk so she's getting fed. That's the aim of the game here. If she's happy and healthy, you're smashing it

A few months or years from now the mode of feeding will have faded into complete insignificance.

Congratulations on your new baby... and huge sympathy for the way you are feeling right now. It's drummed into us during pregnancy that breast is best blah blah that when sometimes it isn't plain sailing (whether because of mechanical issues such as inverted nipples/tounge tie/cleft or because of some sort of medical issue) we feel terrible about ourselves.

You are doing all the right things. You've spotted the issue and are seeking advice and help from multiple sources - that means you are doing a great job as a mum. You're expressing on day 6 which is brllant. Just one other source of supprt to suggest...The NCT runs breastfeeding groups in many areas and these are open to non-members. Have a look on the NCT website to find your nearest.

I hope everything works out but if you end up bottle feeding that is not any kind of failure, you are still getting your baby milk x

Another vote for getting checked out for tongue tie, it's incredibly common but not always picked up. DS's wasn't diagnosed until he was 9 weeks old despite having visited pretty much every source of bf support in town as well as working with a bf counsellor in hospital. Also try different positions - the only way I could get DS to latch on in the early days was lying on my side with him lying alongside me. And a bonus is you get a lovely lie down and sleepy baby cuddles Good luck

Meant to say - I just carried on offering the breast regularly, and also giving expressed milk in bottles to make sure he was full...and as the days went on he fed more from the breast and needed less from the bottle...until now he's EBF. So it was the same transition you're talking about. But the most important thing is to give yourself a break! Breastfeeding is a good way to feed your baby, but the really important thing is feeding your baby - and you're getting that done so you're winning!

yes do try and check for tongue tie. Our LLL lady at the breastfeeding clinic diagnosed it and advised me to take DS to GP for a referral to have it released. She also advised to take him to A and E as he wasn't putting on weight. The GP got me a referral 4 weeks away (!!) and we actually had his tongue tie released a couple of days later through the hospital.

Congratulations on your baby. And yes... I would also say, its easy to get hung up on having to breast feed, but if it doesnt work out, it doesn't work out and in the end you need to do whatever works for you both. Big hugs xxx

It's so hard OP, and you are doing a good job. Congratulations on your new baby!

My DD didn't latch at all from days 4-9 I think. I kept pumping and doing skin to skin in the meantime, and in the end a private lactation consultant who came to our home cracked it for us. I felt so much more relaxed and not rushed knowing we had paid for her to be with us for an hour, as I was getting more and more stressed trying to snatch people to help me for 5 minutes at a time, in hospital etc.

Good luck!

Loads of good advice here! Keep pumping for supply but try and remove the bottle and instead one to one 24h skin contact and regular 'on the boob' time. And yes why not get a private consultant. It's still very early days. Took me 3months of some tough shit to get there but it is definitely worth it! Check for TT definitely.

Yes there an alternative out there if you decide to give up (and cannot exclusively express instead) but this alternative comes with many risks and disadvantages which are widely downplayed for many historical reasons.
Of course you need to decide what is right for you.

Congrats on wanting to make this work, trust yourself and you'll get there!
Xx

This isn't exactly the same, but I couldn't feed DS myself for 2 weeks as he was on a drip, and then getting very precisely measured quantities through a tube, then bottle.

I worried about switching back to BF and whether it would work, but kept expressing and he took to BF straight away when we were allowed to try it.

So 6 days is really early, I'd say you have loads of time to ask advice from professionals and find out what the problem is, before you start getting at risk of needing to call it a day and switch to formula.

Having said that, I wouldn't wish those weeks of expressing and stress on anyone. Nothing wrong with formula if that's the way you go. The best thing for him is a relaxed mum.

Oblada- I can't say that my sons show any effect of any disadvantages of the alternative to breastfeeding. And risks? Good preparation technique and following the guidelines makes bottle feeding safe.

The OP is already struggling and worried - do you think that what you have said is supportive and helpful, or scaremongering and putting extra pressure on her at a time when she really does not need it?

Oblada, no. Not if you live in the UK. That's just not true.

On tongue tie there was something in the press last week about unqualified people cutting the tongues. So do make sure you go to someone who is an expert if you have it done.

Do what's you want to do please don't feel pressured - I had twins in June and one of my twins refused boob no matter how much I tried and the other has only just started to have proper feeds on boob. I've expressed all this time (5 months) but that's because I feel happy doing it - it's hard work I won't lie. Hopefully you'll get some help in real life but please remember it's still soooo early - as an example my twins were tube fed and had bottles for three weeks in hospital so sometimes it just takes time. One thing which helped was medela breastshields- and trying to feed at night when everything seemed a lot calmer and feeding just for comfort helped too. look after yourself too and eat cake :)

I had the exact same problem with my DD. My milk was literally pouring down her face and she just would not latch on, she'd just lie there screaming it was heartbreaking. We never did manage to get the hang of it, and as she was born the week before Christmas, and I was faced with trying to breastfeed while visitng parents and extended family, I just gave up and she was bottle fed.... I ended up with PND and I had a really hard time getting past it. I still feel sad about it sometimes (she's 5 this year!). BUT being bottle fed has had absolutely no detrimental affect on her growth or development! She is an amazing, bright, outgoing little girl who is happy and healthy. Please don't be down on yourself if breastfeeding doesn't work for you and baby, it really isn't the end of the world. I promise